


Rogues Rising: A Star (Wars) Baker Story

by jncar, MediumSizedFountain (jncar)



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), The Great British Bake Off RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background Slash, Baking, Crossover, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Romance, Secret Relationship, because the rogue one characters deserve to be happy, everyone is happy, except krennic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2018-12-07 21:04:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 64,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11631876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jncar/pseuds/jncar, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jncar/pseuds/MediumSizedFountain
Summary: Jyn Erso has been burned by both life and love, but over the past two years she's made efforts to become the best, strongest, most confidant version of herself. The capstone to that project is her run as a contestant on her favorite television program – the Great British Bake Off. When she learns that her surrogate uncle and favorite taste-tester has been going behind her back to taste another baker's wares, she feels a spark of resentment. That spark intensifies when she discovers that very rival baker will be a fellow contestant on the show; his name is Cassian Andor.Soon, however, the spark of resentment transforms into a very different kind of heat – a smoldering romantic attraction, which Cassian very clearly reciprocates. Can Jyn find the perfect recipe for achieving her Star Baker ambitions while at the same time embracing her burgeoning romance with one of her competitors? There's only one way to find out. On your marks. Get set. Bake!A Great British Bake Off (Great British Baking Show) crossover AU, featuring Rogue One and original trilogy characters.





	1. Week 1: Cake

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance for sporadic updates. On occasion I will probably combine more than one week of "filming" into a single chapter. And I had zero good ideas for a title, but if anyone can give me a good idea I'll re-title this with something better.

“What do you think?” Jyn asked, watching as Chewie finished off his enormous mouthful of her chocolate hazelnut torte.

 

The tall, bushy-bearded pub owner had been her go-to taste tester for years, and with the competition starting this weekend, she needed the opinion of his excellent palate now more than ever. He smacked his lips a few times. “Very good. But the black forest cake was better. That's the one you ought to go with.”

 

“Are you certain? Everything depends on this.” She locked eyes with him, refusing to look away. She'd never been more serious about anything in her life.

 

“I'd stake my right arm on it, lass,” he replied, grinning, the skin around his eyes scrunching into familiar wrinkles. “The black forest might not get you star baker, but it'll keep you in the game.”

 

She grimaced. “I don't just want to be in the game – I want to win it.”

 

“Yes, but we both know cake isn't your strongest skill. You'll be sure to knock their socks off with your bread and pastry. Do the black forest. Trust me.” He gave her a sure nod.

 

Jyn didn't like resigning herself to the middle of the pack, but Chewie was right. She ought to play it safe for this first episode. She nodded. “Alright. I'll do it.”

 

“Good girl.” Chewie grinned and patted the bar between them. “When you left that black forest with me last week, I gave a bite to my other baker-friend, and he loved it. Said it was the best black forest he'd ever had.”

 

Jyn narrowed her eyes. “Other baker friend? Who are you talking about? You've never mentioned another baker friend, before.”

 

“Haven't I? Coulda sworn I had. He's an immigrant – Mexican fellow, if you can believe it. Works in some fancy robotics laboratory or some such. Been coming to the pub for close to a year, now, but I only found out about his baking a couple of months back when I let him try some biscuits you left for me. He's been trying out his own recipes on me ever since. Between the two of you, I think I've gained more than a half a stone.” He patted his round belly with a laugh.

 

Jyn frowned. She knew Chewie shared her bakes with other regulars, but she had no idea another baker had been using his taste buds for their own trial runs. It shouldn't bother her, but it did – almost like he'd been cheating on her. “You didn't tell him about the show, did you? I don't want it spread around, yet. Not so far in advance of the series being aired.”

 

“Didn't mention a thing,” Chewie said. “Told him you liked to enter local competitions was all. He said he's planning on doing the same. Surprised you two haven't run into each other, actually. He's not much older than you – man by the name of Cassian.”

 

Jyn shook her head. “Doesn't ring any bells.” She thought she'd remember meeting a Mexican with such a distinctive name.

 

“Huh. I'll have to introduce you – I'd expect you two would get along swimmingly.” His eyes twinkled in an all-too-familiar way.

 

Jyn huffed. Chewie had been trying to set her up with “nice young men” ever since she ditched her ex, Bob, more than two years ago. It was sweet of him, but she could do without, thank you very much. “Maybe after the show's done. I don't expect I'll have much time for a social life for the next few months.”

 

“You've got a point. I'll put a pin in it, eh?”

 

“Thank you.” Jyn smiled fondly as Chewie headed down the bar to chat with his barman. Chewie ran the kitchen and entertained his customers, but rarely tended the bar himself.

 

Chewie had stepped up to fill in many of the gaps left in her life since her father's death, four and a half years ago. She wasn't sure what she'd do without him. He and Uncle Saw were the only family she had left. They were two of the few people who knew that in three day's time she was going to become one of the latest competitors on her favorite television program – The Great British Bake Off.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Cassian walked into the living room with his full suitcase and left it in the corner before walking toward the kitchen. He needed to take a few of his own ingredients, this weekend – just to be sure.

 

“What are you packing for?” asked Cassian's flatmate and co-worker, Kay, who sat at the kitchen table, still staring at the article he was reading on his tablet.

 

Cassian sighed. “The baking show, remember?”

 

Finally Kay glanced up, his eyebrow raised. “That's starting already?”

 

“The filming is,” Cassian replied. “The show won't air until August or September, I think.” He rifled through the pantry for his homemade vanilla extract.

 

“Ah.” Kay shuddered slightly. “I still have no idea why you agreed to do this. Must be dreadful, having cameras shoved in your face, scrutinizing your every move.”

 

Cassian squeezed his lips together and turned to pull a few cake tins out of a drawer. When he moved to England he thought it would be fun to delve into the culture by learning more about local cooking and baking. Most of the cooking was... uninspiring. But the baking was very good, and he'd thrown himself into it with a passion. He'd only applied for the show on a dare from another work friend, Lando. But once he was asked to formally audition, his competitive drive kicked in and he'd plowed his way through the lengthy process. Still, he'd been more surprised than anyone when he received word that they wanted him on the show.

 

He couldn't deny that he was nervous, but he was also excited. This was the most daring thing he'd done since hopping the Atlantic to take a job in England. His life was sorely in need of more excitement. So he'd agreed to participate. He probably wouldn't last more than two or three weeks, given his relative lack of experience with English-style baking. But it would be a fun ride.

 

“It'll take some getting used to,” he finally replied. “But I think it will be a good experience.”

 

Kay rolled his eyes and turned back to his tablet. “Whatever you say.”

 

Cassian only shook his head. He'd gotten used to Kay's outward dismissiveness over the last few years. Under that cold exterior, Kay really did care a great deal – he just showed it in his own unconventional way.

 

After gathering a few more ingredients and tools and packing them into a rubber bin, Cassian was ready. He managed to wrap one arm around the bin and grabbed the handle of his suitcase with the other other. “Wish me luck,” he said to Kay as he headed for the door.

 

Kay glanced up again. “There's no such thing as luck. As long you keep your nerves under control and have a good mental recall of all the practicing you've done, I have no doubt your performance will be highly satisfactory.”

 

Cassian smiled. That was high praise, coming from Kay. “Thanks. See you Sunday night.” He stepped outside to head for his car. It was time for the long drive to Welford Park. Tomorrow morning, he'd face his first baking challenge. His heart raced as he slid into the drivers seat.

 

Yes – this was exactly the kind of excitement he needed.

 

~ ~ ~

 

A hired car was waiting for Jyn at the train station in Welford, and the drive to the hotel was short. The place was rather posh, and a production assistant got her checked into her room before taking her to the hotel restaurant for a meet and greet with the other contestants.

 

One of the producers, Moneatha Mothma (“But everyone calls me Monny,” she said solemnly) rounded up the twelve contestants and sat them in a circle of small tables, all facing each other like some sort of Arthurian gathering. After everyone ordered drinks and dinner, Monny prompted them to go around the circle and introduce themselves. Jyn had never been good with matching names to faces, but she focused as hard as she could. She didn't want to flub someone's name on camera.

 

There was a cute helicopter pilot from London named Bodhi. A middle aged cabinet maker called Ruescott (a very unfortunate name – though no moreso than her own given name). A young mother of Chinese descent called Huika. A rather superior-acting manager of an architecture firm named Orson. A retired private security officer who looked like he could kill any one of them with his little finger called Baze. An American ex-pat attending university at Oxford, called Leia. And then...

 

“Next we have Cassian Andor,” Monny said, gesturing to the lanky, handsome man with a short beard and a floppy mop of hair that fell almost to his shoulders.

 

Cassian – why did that name ring a bell?

 

He waved and smiled at the group, and launched into the standard intro. “Hi. I'm Cassian, and I'm a project leader at a robotics lab in Yavinshire. As you can tell by my accent, I'm an immigrant. I grew up in Mexico, went to University in Texas, and I've been here for just five years. So I'm a bit of an underdog, not growing up with your baking traditions, but I hope I can hold my own for a few weeks.” He ended with a chuckle.

 

All the pieces of the puzzle clicked into place as Cassian spoke. The distinctive name – Mexico – robotics – and Yavinshire, a village just three miles north of her own village, Scarif. “Bloody hell,” she interjected before she could stop herself. “You're Chewie's other baker friend!”

 

Cassian blinked a few times, his jaw falling slack. Everyone around the circle stared at her. Suddenly, Cassian's eyes lit up. “Wait – are you Jyn?”

 

“Yes, we were just getting around to you. This is Jynnerva Erso...” said Monny.

 

“ _Never_ call me by my full name, thank you,” Jyn snapped. “It's Jyn. And yes, I'm Chewie's Jyn. What the fuck? Chewie told me you were going to start entering village festivals – not that you were going on the Bake Off.” Of all the bloody fucking nonsense. How could Chewie have done this to her? How?

 

“I didn't tell him,” Cassian replied, wearing a slight smile in spite of the venom she'd been shooting at him, “He never told me you were on the show. I was keeping it quiet – just told a few friends and colleagues. If Chewie had mentioned it, I'd have made efforts to introduce myself before today.”

 

“He really didn't know?” Jyn could hardly believe such a colossal coincidence was possible.

 

“He didn't. I promise.” His voice rang with sincerity.

 

Her mind still boggled, but he had no reason to lie. “Huh. Small fucking world, sometimes.”

 

“Language, Miss Erso,” Monny tutted. “Got to break those habits now. Can't be talking like that in front of the cameras.”

 

“Yes. Of course. Sorry.” Jyn folded her hands in her lap, feeling abashed.

 

“I take it you two have some sort of connection?” Monny prodded, as the other contestants looked on in bewilderment.

 

“Yes, actually. We have a mutual friend that we both use as a taste-tester for our bakes, but we've never met before today,” Cassian replied.

 

“What a remarkable coincidence,” Monny said. “A small world, indeed.”

 

Orson, the silver-haired architect, snorted. “Now you'd better hope your friend has good taste, or you're both buggered.”

 

This time Monny tutted her retort about bad language toward _him_ , but Jyn continued to stare at Cassian. They'd never met, but a memory was rising in her mind of heading to Chewie's one night after a hard workout at the studio with Saw, all sweaty with her hair bunched up in a messy ponytail. As she'd walked up to the pub, she'd seen a delicious looking man – thin and angular in a way that shouldn't have been attractive, yet somehow was. She'd been warm with embarrassment when he met her eyes – she was in no fit state to be seen by a man as smart and handsome as that – but he'd smiled at her. A warm, friendly smile, before nodding and walking off. She'd meant to ask Chewie if he knew who the mysterious man was, but got distracted by the plate of food Chewie shoved in front of her as soon as she sat down.

 

She'd filed away the memory as “the hot bearded fellow with the kind smile,” and had lost track of it in the chaos of the following months as she began the process of auditioning for the show.

 

But here he was, in the flesh, the very baker that Chewie had been cheating on her with.

 

And once again he was offering her that lovely, kind smile.

 

Jyn had no idea what to make of it.

 

Monny cleared her throat, and Jyn realized she'd been asking Jyn to do her introduction. “Ah – yes. Sorry. I'm Jyn. From Scarif Village. I split my time between managing my stock portfolio and teaching at a martial arts studio that my uncle owns. I was in international karate competition for most of a decade starting when I was ten, and we still prep students to compete at the international level. So, uh, that's me.”

 

“So you're saying you could kick all our arses?” Bodhi asked with a teasing smile from across the circle.

 

Jyn grinned back. “Probably. Except maybe Baze, over there. I suspect he has a few tricks up his sleeve.”

 

The older Asian man offered her a confident smile that assured her she'd guessed right.

 

Things settled down after that and the introductions continued. There were two middle aged women, Tynnra and Jaldine, another younger woman, Wona, and one more older man, Davits, to round out the group.

 

Every few moments Jyn found herself glancing back toward Cassian. She wasn't sure if she resented him for edging in on her favorite taste-tester, or whether it was nice to have a neighbor of sorts in the competition – especially a neighbor as nice looking as he was.

 

But she wasn't there to ogle blokes. She'd come to win. She'd have to put any thoughts of nice eyes and kind smiles aside for the time-being. Tomorrow was her first signature bake, and she had no intention of letting anything distract her from achieving a perfect bake.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Cassian couldn't help but glance over at Jyn Erso as Sue and Mel announced the first signature bake – torte cakes.

 

After dinner last night she'd been quick to socialize with several of the other contestants, but had pointedly avoided him. He couldn't blame her for feeling blindsided. If he'd known that the niece Chewie was always talking up to him would be one of his competitors, he would have made sure they met ahead of time specifically to prevent something like this.

 

Chewie had filled him in on some of Jyn's troubles – losing her mother at fourteen, and then her father at twenty, not quite five years ago. And Chewie'd had a good bit to say about the “cunt-faced bastard” who Jyn had dated for a couple of years after her father's death. Chewie believed Jyn's ex had manipulated and emotionally abused her, taking advantage of her grief. She'd finally ended things just over two years ago, and had been doing fairly well, since. Given that history, he could understand why she'd be slow to trust and jumpy about perceived betrayals. He needed to find a moment to talk to her today – he didn't want this to cause a rift in her relationship with Chewie, and the man was completely blameless. But he had to watch what he said. He doubted Jyn would appreciate how much of her history Chewie had shared with a man she'd never met.

 

Cassian had been curious about Jyn for months, and had been hoping for a chance to meet her. She sounded like a fascinating and intelligent woman. But the current circumstances of their meeting didn't bode well for any kind of friendship.

 

At the signal he rushed to his station along with the other bakers to begin his signature bake.

 

~ ~ ~

 

The full reality of her situation struck Jyn when Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry made their stop at her station to ask about her torte. She managed to maintain her composure and didn't get any skeptical looks. That was good enough for her. Even so, she breathed a sigh of relief when they moved onto the next contestant. The experience had been more unnerving than she expected.

 

After that, Jyn did her best to focus on her bake. Cassian Andor's station was to the left and one row ahead of hers. At one point she glanced over while he was bent over to peer in his oven, and noted that he looked just as good from behind as from the front. But that was a nonsense distraction. She quickly refocused and got back to work. She didn't pay attention to him again until during the judging.

 

Setting up for the judgment took longer than she'd expected as the producers and set techs arranged the cakes for “beauty shots.” While they waited for set techs to clean up their mess, all the contestants mingled at some outdoor tables with tea and snacks.

 

Jyn chatted with Baze Malbus for a few minutes. He told her that his husband was also a martial artist, and had an amazing palate. “He always helps me get my flavors right,” Baze said with a proud smile. “I wish I could bring him along to help, but he'd probably just end up distracting me with his constant chatter. My Chirrut does love to talk.”

 

“How long have you been together?” Jyn asked, charmed at the idea of this rugged old mercenary having a chatter-box husband.

 

“It'll be thirty-four years this September,” Baze said fondly. “I wasn't too certain about him when we first met, but decided him to give a chance. Next thing I knew we'd been together for over a year and somehow he'd contrived to move in with me without my even noticing it.” Baze chuckled.

 

Jyn managed to smile, glad that it had worked out for them. Her own similar experience with Bob hadn't been quite so successful. She'd already been feeling slightly trapped in their relationship when she noticed he never seemed to go home to his own place anymore. When she asked about it, he'd called her daft for not remembering that he told her he was giving up his lease three weeks ago, though she knew in her heart he'd never mentioned it, and also knew she didn't have it in her to tell him she still needed her own space and wasn't ready to live together. Things had only gone downhill from there, yet it took her over a year after that to finally excise him from her life. “I'm so happy for you,” she managed to say. “Few couples last that long, anymore.”

 

“We're some of the lucky ones,” Baze agreed.

 

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Cassian glancing her way several times. She probably ought to talk to him at some point, but still had no idea what to say.

 

At last, Mary and Paul entered the tent to make the rounds for judging. They went through five other contestants before reaching her, with a mixed bag of comments. She was glad to hear friendly Bodhi getting praise for his lovely torte, and felt bad for the young mother, Huika, whose decoration was a bit of a mess and whose cake was under-done. Her heart raced in her chest when the camera-operators staged themselves all around her station and Paul and Mary approached. After a brief compliment on her decoration, Paul cut into her torte and scooped up a large slice. He and Mary each took a bite. And chewed for far too long.

 

Jyn held her breath.

 

“Very dry,” Paul said at last. “You've over-baked it.”

 

 _Fuck_. She barely managed to hold the curse in by biting down on the inside of her cheek. She nodded. Okay. Constructive criticism. She had to take it as constructive criticism.

 

“The flavors are lovely,” Mary said, as if trying buoy her spirits. “It's a shame you over-baked it.”

 

“Thank you,” Jyn whispered, nodding. And then the camera-operations swooped away to set up at the next baker's station.

 

“Don't look so frightened, love,” said Mel softly, patting Jyn's shoulder. “You're off to a good start. Nothing to be upset about. Buck up, and you'll do lovely this afternoon, yeah?”

 

Jyn swallowed her nerves and managed a smile. “Thanks. Yeah. I'll be good. Just first day jitters, I think.”

 

“They've all got them. You're not alone,” Mel replied, giving her another pat before moving to join the group around the next victim.

 

Jyn sighed, her shoulders slumping. She'd do better tomorrow. And this afternoon. Hopefully.

 

After the long judging was finally done, all the contestants moved back to the outdoor tables for some lunch. Along with a selection of salads and sandwiches, there were also trays full of their dissected tortes to sample.

 

When Jyn came to the trays, she grabbed a small bit of Cassian Andor's torte – a hazlenut, chocolate and passion fruit confection. He'd gotten almost identical comments to hers – lovely flavors, but dry and over-baked. She nibbled on it as she carried her lunch plate toward the nearest table.

 

“Is it really as dry as Paul thought?”

 

Jyn pulled up in surprise and turned to find Cassian standing just behind her. “A bit dry, but not so bad as he said,” she said truthfully.

 

He nodded slowly. “I felt the same about yours, when I tried it. I guess we both like over-done cake, eh?”

 

This time her smile wasn't forced. “Apparently. And so must Chewie. Perhaps I need to find a new taste-tester.”

 

Cassian stepped closer and lowered his voice, an earnest look on his face. “Don't hold this against Chewie. Truly – he didn't know. I was being sneaky. I don't even know why. I'm sorry to blindside you like this.”

 

Perhaps Cassian's kind smiles and earnest looks weren't an act, at all. He certainly seemed sincere – though she'd know men who were very good at acting sincere when they weren't. However, Cassian had no reason to lie to her, and she was tempted to give him the benefit of the doubt. “You were the one being sneaky, not Chewie. Of course I won't hold it against him.”

 

He raised his brows. “But you will hold it against me?”

 

“Haven't decided, yet.”

 

His answering smile reminded her of why he'd made such an impression on her after seeing him only once.

 

Before either of them could speak again, Bodhi and Leia walked by and invited the two of them to join them for lunch. Jyn had no reason to decline, so she followed them to a table, and Cassian trailed along behind her, taking a seat across from her at the table. Bodhi turned out to be just as charming and friendly as her first impression had indicated, and Leia seemed driven and ambitious in a way that Jyn could respect. It was a fun conversation, even when Bodhi and Cassian started talking geek together – something about the computer software in Bodhi's helicopters that somehow led to a discussion of self-navigating cars. But Jyn had grown up around geeky academics, so it was natural for her to follow along and even comment now and then.

 

She could really get used to the way Cassian met her eyes and smiled at her every time she spoke.

 

But that wasn't why she was here. She needed to remember that.

 

A bit later Monny appeared to round them all up for their first technical bake.

 

The jitters in Jyn's stomach started back up when Mel and Sue announced the bake – a cherry cake. She'd had them, before, but had never bothered to make one. Damn it.

 

All other thoughts flew from her mind as she focused in on the recipe and started pulling her ingredients together. She didn't pause to think again until her cake was safely in the oven.

 

She sighed in relief and stretched her back before glancing over at Cassian. His cake was also just in the oven. “No over-baking this time, right?” he said, a note of teasing in his voice.

 

“Not on my part,” she shot back.

 

Sue wandered over. “While you two are having at it, I was given to understand a bit of drama came up between you last night?”

 

Jyn rolled her eyes and gave an abbreviated version of the story about Chewie.

 

Sue grinned. “Good Lord. Not only am I shocked that a man named Chewie is being used as a taste-tester, but the fact that both of you were using him without the other knowing... what are the odds?”

 

Several of the other contestants had wandered over, as there wasn't much to do while the cakes were in the oven. Huika spoke up. “It's like the universe wanted you to meet.”

 

Jyn rolled her eyes again, even as Baze added, “My husband would say it's destiny. A higher power has been trying to bring you together, and it finally got fed up and convinced a producer to cast you both because nothing else was working. I just call it a bizarre coincidence.”

 

“Your husband sounds like a wise and insightful man,” Cassian said. His tone was light and he wore a smile on his face, but when he turned his eyes from Baze back to Jyn, she felt as if he was trying to look inside her head, his gaze was so intent.

 

Stirring with a not-altogether-unpleasant sensation running through her, Jyn turned her eyes to Baze. “I, on the other hand, agree with you. Team bizarre coincidence.”

 

Everyone chuckled, but she could still feel Cassian's eyes on her.

 

Fuck. Chewie really had been intent on setting them up, hadn't he? Cassian had immediately known her name, even before she was introduced. What else had Chewie told him? And had Cassian actually been interested?

 

These were questions she needed to save for another day. The cake was almost ready.

 

Soon enough timers started beeping, and everyone dove for their ovens.

 

Jyn and Cassian both fell solidly in the middle of the ranking when judgment time arrived. Snooty Orson got the top ranking, and poor Huika got the lowest.

 

It was with a sigh of relief that Jyn sank into her seat on the shuttle bus back to the hotel. Leia sat down beside her and started chatting about the upcoming showstopper. When they reached the hotel, Jyn agreed to join Leia and a few of the other younger contestants for a group dinner at a nearby restaurant.

 

It shouldn't have surprised her to find Cassian joining the group as they headed toward their destination.

 

~ ~ ~

 

The dinner party was made up of Cassian, Bodhi Rook, Leia Organa, Jyn Erso, and Wona Goban. Cassian figured he was the oldest of the group, at thirty-two, and very nearly could have been annexed into the “middle-aged” group of contestants were it not for his fun conversation at lunch with Bodhi, Leia and Jyn. With Bodhi, a helicopter pilot, and Wona, an airplane mechanic, and his own robotics expertise, the conversation easily turned to engines and technology. Despite her lack of formal experience in any of those fields, Jyn seemed to have a solid grasp on all of them. And though Leia was studying politics and history, she was clearly brilliant and had no trouble keeping up. It was fun to hang out with such a diverse group of fellow geeks. Cassian was thoroughly enjoying himself – it made the prospect of staying on the show for a month or more that much more appealing.

 

The wine flowed freely, and as the evening wore on, Cassian found his eyes frequently drifting in Jyn's direction (and was pleased when he found her eyes trained on him, in return). He'd been set up by well-meaning friends far too many times for him to have taken Chewie's attempts seriously, but he was beginning to wonder if the frivolous comments about destiny that afternoon might have some under-lying truth. He couldn't deny that he was very quickly developing a powerful attraction to Jyn.

 

Somehow Bodhi had launched into a story about a recent break-up. “... and that was it. He said I could either give up the bloody-awful audition process, or we were through. And when I told him I couldn't just give it up, that was that. He dumped me flat out. That was more than a month ago, and it still smarts. But I think I made the right choice. I hope I made the right choice.” He blinked and shook his head. “Amazing how a little stress and alcohol can get a person to bare their soul in front of strangers.” He smiled.

 

“We're right there with you, love,” said Wona, draining the last of her current glass of wine in emphasis.

 

“If he refused to support your interests and ambitions, you're better off without him,” Jyn said to Bodhi, a knowing look in her eyes. “Trust me. I've been there.”

 

Cassian nodded in agreement. “I agree. And better that than being with someone who pretends to support you when they really don't. A clean break is easier in the long run.”

 

Bodhi arched an eyebrow at him. “I sense a story there. Had your heart broken, did you?”

 

Cassian looked down and shook his head, but the stress plus alcohol equation seemed to working on him, as well, because he found himself speaking. “Unfortunately, yes. I was with a woman from the last year of my bachelor's studies all the way through my master's and into the first two years of my doctorate. We were engaged for those last two years. But when I got offered the job here, and wasn't sure whether or not to leave my studies to take it, she encouraged me to take it. Said she would follow later after selling the house. But instead of selling the house we owned together, she moved her new boyfriend in and got pregnant, all before officially breaking up with me. That... sucked. A lot.”

 

Bodhi's eyes were wide, and Wona and Leia shook their heads in disbelief.

 

Jyn fixed a sympathetic gaze on him. “Did you see it coming, at all?”

 

He sighed. “A little. Deep down I knew things weren't right between us. Even before I got the job offer, she kept waffling about choosing a wedding date. Said she wanted to wait a little longer. And we weren't talking the way we used to. There was a growing distance between us. I really should have seen it coming sooner. I think I was in denial. I grew up around my mother's parents, and they've been together for sixty years, now, and still hold hands and laugh together. That's what I wanted. That kind of partnership. I think I wasn't ready to admit to myself that the relationship I invested five years in wasn't going to be what I wanted it to be.” He shook his head.

 

Jyn didn't say anything, but he thought he could see a gleam of understanding in her eyes.

 

“Still single, now?” Bodhi asked.

 

“Yes.” Cassian nodded. “I've dated a little, but haven't found anyone who's really clicked, yet.”

 

“My mother always tells me that love is most likely to arrive when you least expect it,” Leia said. She shrugged. “Not that I'm looking. I'm only nineteen.”

 

“Absolutely,” Jyn said. “You've your whole life ahead of you. No reason to tie yourself down to one person, yet.”

 

“Exactly.” Leia beamed.

 

“So are we all single?” Bodhi asked.

 

Everyone nodded except Wona. “Not me. I have a boyfriend. We've only been dating for five months, but so far so good.”

 

The conversation soon drifted to other topics, thank goodness. Cassian hoped he hadn't made himself look like too much of a sad sack. He normally didn't wallow in the past like that.

 

And he'd noticed that Jyn never brought up her own depressing romantic history – only alluded to it. She seemed to hold her emotions – and her personal life – very close to her chest.

 

He wanted to know more. But he also knew that pushing someone like her would get the opposite result from the one intended.

 

He just hoped they'd both be on the show long enough for him to start to really get to know her.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jyn was knee-deep in her showstopper bake – 36 classic miniature British cakes – before she let herself glance in Cassian's direction. He had a puff of white flour on his dark-blue sleeve, giving him a deliciously disheveled look.

 

Alright. She couldn't deny it. She was starting to fancy him. Just a bit. Nothing serious.

 

And after the way she'd caught him looking at her last night, she thought he might fancy her back. At least a little bit.

 

She sighed and turned back to the raspberry jam she was making for her mini Victoria sponges. She couldn't deny that hearing that someone as objectively intelligent as him had been, just like her, duped and manipulated by a romantic partner was strangely reassuring. As if perhaps she wasn't a weak-willed idiot after all. Even bright and ambitious people could fall down these romantic missteps. Maybe she hadn't brought it all on herself.

 

Or maybe she had, and so had he, and they were both idiots. But in either case, she wasn't alone.

 

She forced her mind back to the work at hand. And there was a hell of a lot of work to do.

 

Before she knew it, Sue was giving five minutes notice. And then one minute. And then time up.

 

It was a relief to step away from her nice but not-as-nice-as-she-wanted little cakes to go get a bottle of water and a snack in the rest area while the techs cleaned up her station for her.

 

Huika stood by the snack table with Jaldine and Baze, tears standing in her eyes. “The cakes were under-done and the filling's all running out. I'm gone for certain.” She sniffled.

 

Jyn walked over to join the group. “Your cakes might be a bit informal, but I'm sure they'll taste delicious. I remember your torte yesterday – it had a lovely flavor.”

 

Huika sniffled again and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Thank you. Really.”

 

“She's right, you know,” Jaldine said, patting Huika's shoulder. “I tasted it, too. Very lovely.”

 

Baze nodded. “Must be hard practicing with your little ones underfoot all day.”

 

“It is. Very.” Huika nodded.

 

“You'll always be their star baker, you know,” Jyn said softly, memories of her father drifting to the forefront of her mind.

 

This time Huika smiled. “Yes. Of course. I know that. Thank you so much – all of you. This really helped.”

 

The break ended soon, and it was time for judgment.

 

Though she'd competed at some of the highest levels of international karate tournaments in Europe, Jyn's heart had never beat harder than when she carried her tray of cakes up to the table to set in front of Paul and Mary. She clasped her hands behind her back, twisting her fingers around each other, unable to hold still.

 

“Nice flavors,” Paul said after a large bite.

 

“Your jam is very good,” said Mary.

 

Jyn's heart began to settle, and she breathed deep as they offered a few minor critiques as well as another compliment on the quality of her sponge. Her hands shook slightly as she picked her tray back up to carry it away, and returned to her station with a smile. Cassian caught her gaze as she walked past him. He offered her a bright smile and a congratulatory nod.

 

She could really get used to that smile.

 

In the end, just as she predicted, Huika was sent home. And soft-spoken Ruescott was the first star baker.

 

Jyn gave a Huika a warm hug as they all gathered for the shuttle to the train station, and offered the young mother some words of encouragement. It was the least she could do.

 

A few moments later, she found Cassian at her side.

 

“Hi.” He smiled.

 

“Isn't goodbye more appropriate?” she asked.

 

He shrugged and looked down, seeming almost shy for just a moment. But then he lifted his gaze with another of his heart-stopping smiles. “Probably. But I was thinking since I just live one village over, maybe we could hang out some evening this week? Maybe meet up at Chewie's and try our practice bakes on him at the same time. See if he has the nerve to pick one over the other?”

 

Jyn laughed. “Oh, yes. I'd love to see the look on his face when we break the news that we're competitors on the show.”

 

“So – shall we?” Cassian prodded.

 

Jyn hesitated a moment. This wasn't a date, was it? No. Absolutely not. He'd said “hang out,” and “meet up.” That wasn't date-talk. She was safe. (Did she want it to be a date? She really didn't have the time. It was better off not being a date.)

 

“Sure,” she said. “I teach at the studio every night except Wednesday, so that's the only one that'll work for me, unless you don't mind waiting until 9:30.”

 

He shook his head. “Earlier is better. Wednesday works for me. What time?”

 

“Say, six-thirty?”

 

He agreed. They took a moment to save each other's phone numbers, and then said goodbye for real.

 

On the train-ride home, Jyn sank back in her seat with earbuds in, listening to music, and trying very hard to convince herself that there was nothing whatsoever date-like about her Wednesday engagement.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Kay was in the front room with his laptop perched on his knees when Cassian walked in.

 

“How'd it go?” Kay asked, as Cassian set down his luggage.

 

“I'm still in it,” Cassian said, and then took a deep breath. “I met a woman. I think I'm really starting to like her.”

 

Kay groaned. “Oh God. When did you possibly have time to meet a woman?”

 

Cassian shrugged sheepishly. “She's on the show with me.”

 

Kay shook his head. “You're courting disaster, you know.”

 

“You're being a pessimist again,” Cassian chided.

 

Kay rolled his eyes. “You get excited every time you meet someone new and attractive, and within weeks – sometimes days – you lose interest. But you're stuck with this woman for who knows how many weeks. Really. You need to leave this one alone.”

 

Cassian frowned. No. Kay always expected the worst. Cassian wasn't going to let that opinion affect him. “I'm getting together with her on Wednesday. It's not a date. Not really. Well. I don't think she thinks it's a date.” He paused, considering the situation. “Maybe it's a date.”

 

Kay put his face in his hands and groaned. “Oh God.”

 

Maybe Kay had a point.

 

TBC

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm using various bakes from the seven series of the show as inspiration for the bakes in each chapter. The signature for week 1 is based on the signature from series 3 ep 4. The technical is based on series 5 ep 1. The showstopper is based on series 5 ep 1 . 
> 
> I had to dig deep on Wookiepedia to find the names for some of the blink-and-you'll-miss-them female characters from Rogue One. Huika Siliu is the mother of the child Jyn saves on Jedha. Jaldine Gerams and Wona Goban are rebel fighter pilots. And Tynnra Pamlo is the female senator who argues for surrendering while Jyn is speaking to the council. I wanted a gender-balanced group of contestants, which is why I dredged up those minor characters. Several original trilogy characters are popping up in cameos, most notably Chewie. And forgive me for not including Chirrut as a contestant, but I don't believe in erasing canon disabilities for fic, and I don't think it's realistic for a blind baker to compete on a show that often comes down to decoration. But he will have a cameo as Baze's husband.
> 
> ETA: I had to come back and change Cassian's age, because I realized I hadn't made him old enough to realistically have the backstory I gave him. So he went from 29 to 32. In this I have Bodhi and Jyn as the same age with Cassian about 7 years older, while I made Baze/Chirrut a few years older than Saw. That just fit the backstories I wanted.


	2. Week 2: Bread

Jyn allowed herself a nice long lie-in Monday morning to recover from the weekend of competition. Then, while having her breakfast tea and toast, she started up her first practice batch for the week. It was bread week – one of her specialties. And she was going to be damned if she didn't kick ass this time around.

 

While waiting for her loaf to prove she checked on her stock portfolio and initiated two trades. Her stock trading was the only positive thing to come out of her father's death. He'd been teaching her about the financial markets before he died, and she put that training into action with a substantial percentage of her inheritance. She'd gotten steadily better at managing her portfolio over the years, and was now to the point where she'd been able to cut back to just under twenty hours a week working at the studio. The rest of her income came from her trading – which she could do from the comfort of her own home. A fact that had greatly facilitated her baking habit.

 

After getting the loaf in the oven, she texted her friend, Sorsha. Sorsha was the only girlfriend she had at the moment. She'd fallen out of her friendships with all her school chums during the Bob-years. Sorsha had turned up at one of the adult-beginner classes at the studio just a few months before Jyn chucked Bob for good, and they bonded quickly. That friendship had helped Jyn get up the nerve to get Bob out of her life and get on with things.

 

They couldn't see each other often because Sorsha moved out of the village when she married a year ago, but they still texted daily and tried to get together at least once a week.

 

Sorsha was delighted to hear that Jyn was still in competition ( _Of course you r. not even Paul is daft enough to send you packing in week 1)._ Jyn was tempted to mention Cassian, but decided against it. She'd mention him when and if there was ever something worth mentioning.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Cassian managed to restrain himself from texting Jyn until his lunch hour on Tuesday. He was taking an extra-long lunch to practice his signature bake, and texted while it was proving.

 

_C: Hi. Cassian here. You still want to ambush Chewie tomorrow night?_

 

_J: Hell yes. Can't wait to see him try to talk his way out of this. R u bringing your signature or your showstopper?_

 

Cassian smiled. And then frowned.

 

The one potential downside to his plan was the possibility that Chewie would mention just how much he'd told Cassian about Jyn and her life. Which was, frankly, far more than he ought to have.

 

But backing out of the date (if it was a date?) now might ruin his shot at ever getting to know her better. He'd just have to hope for the best.

 

_C: Showstopper. Practicing signature today, showstopper tomorrow._

 

_J: Ha. I'm practicing both each day. Practice makes perfect. ;)_

 

_C: And my job pays the bills. Priorities._

 

_J: Sleep less_

 

Cassian chuckled. Yes. He definitely wanted to get to know this woman better.

 

_C: I'll try, but dealing with my flatmate while sleep-deprived never works out well. You tell Chewie about me on the show yet?_

 

_J: Nope. Not going to ruin this surprise. See you at 6:30_

 

_C: See you_

 

He was tempted to text again after getting his loaf in the oven, but decided against it. He didn't want to seem over-eager. No one liked an over-eager first date. Especially if might not actually be a date.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jyn managed to stop herself from looking in the mirror a third time just before leaving her house. This wasn't a date. Just a meet-up. A fun, friendly ambush. With a dishy geek. She'd always had a weakness for good-looking geeks.

 

She shook her head. Nope. Not happening. Getting involved with a competitor was a sure recipe for disaster.

 

She picked up the container holding her showstopper and walked out the door. Chewie's was just a ten minute walk, and as she approached she saw Cassian leaning against the outside wall of the pub, holding a canvas tote-bag with a picture of a dalek on it. She tried and failed to repress a snort of laughter as she approached.

 

Cassian caught sight of her and his face lit up. “Hi.”

 

Lord, he had a nice smile. “Hi.” Jyn glanced down at the tote. “Nice bag.”

 

His smile turned sheepishly and he looked down at the bag, fidgeting. “I, uh, don't have many tote bags. Just this one and one from a professional conference I went to three years ago. The funny thing is, I'm not even a Dr. Who fan.”

 

“And yet, a dalek bag.” She pointed at the tote.

 

He shrugged. “Somehow, when I first moved in and started my job at Cloud – that's the lab, Cloud City Robotics –”

 

“Why's it called Cloud City if it's set up in Yavinshire?” Jyn interrupted.

 

“I have no idea.” Cassian shook his head. “It's Lando – my boss. He's a little eccentric. So I made the mistake of mentioning I'd never seen Dr. Who the first week I started work. And he decided as a welcome to the company party to throw a Dr. Who marathon at his house one Saturday, because most of the guys at work love it. And at the time he was living with a party planner, so she had tote bags and mugs and t-shirts made up for everyone and put up theme decorations and theme food –”

 

“What exactly constitutes Dr. Who themed food?”

 

“Again, I have no idea. It was the first time I'd ever seen the show. So most of the upper level guys from work were invited, and we marathoned six episodes in a row. And I didn't really like it, but since the party was kind of for me, I felt like I had to pretend to enjoy it. And a few months later I moved into a flat with one of my colleagues, Kay. And he is a huge Dr. Who fan, and he thought I was, too, based on the party. So ever since I've had to watch every new episode with him and act like I'm really into it, even though I'm not.” He laughed and shrugged again.

 

“Hmm.” Jyn's brows rose. “So this whole _being sneaky_ and _hiding the truth_ thing is a habit of yours, then?”

 

His mouth hung open for a moment, and Jyn could almost see the gears spinning in his mind. She couldn't help but smile as he slowly nodded. “And now I see what a truly horrible impression I've made on you,” he said.

 

She smiled broader. “You have come off as something of a secretive compulsive liar, yeah.”

 

He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his eyes. “Oh God. I have, haven't I?”

 

“A bit.” She was exaggerating. It was nothing more than an accumulation of white lies while trying to please too many people. Still, he looked rather adorable when flustered. “But,” she added, “since you've done no lasting harm to anyone but yourself, I'm inclined to give you a pass.”

 

“Thank you.” He smiled again. He had a really, really nice smile. “Even so,” he added, “there's something embarrassing that I feel like I need to tell you if I'm going to overcome this bad impression. I was kind of hoping not to bring it up, but now I feel like that would be more sneakiness. So here it is...”

 

It couldn't be anything too serious. Even so, Jyn braced herself.

 

Cassian spread his hands in an apologetic gesture. “Chewie has told me a lot about you over the past couple of months. I'm pretty sure he was trying to get me interested in you so he could fix us up on a date.”

 

Ah. Well. It wouldn't be the first time. “He only mentioned you to me once, just last week, and even then I was pretty sure he was aiming for a fix up. You're not the first time he's tried, but he's learned that the more he talks about the bloke, the less likely I am to agree to a date. That means he only recently decided you were interested enough to warrant finally telling me about you.”

 

The flustered look was back in full force. It really was adorable the way he smiled even while he couldn't meet her eyes. “Maybe. He hadn't actually proposed a fix up, yet.”

 

“Did he show you a picture of me?” Jyn asked. If Chewie had gotten that far, then Cassian had already heard the full sob story about her dead parents and Bob. For some reason Chewie seemed to think that would get men interested – like she was a damsel in distress that they could swoop in and save. At least it would save her the trouble of ever bringing up those painful topics, herself.

 

Cassian nodded. “Yeah. He did. Two weeks ago.”

 

Jyn huffed, but smiled. “He was definitely on the verge of fixing us up. The picture tends to be the final step of his lead up to the actual suggestion of a date. You're the fifth man he's done this to since I ended my last relationship a couple of years ago. Sorry about that. He means well.”

 

Cassian laughed quietly. “It's okay. I think it's a testament to how much he cares about you. It's kind of sweet, you know?”

 

“It is,” Jyn confessed. Although Chewie's choice of men had been pretty questionable. Like his American nephew, Han. She repressed a shudder at the memory of that rather disastrous date. Maybe Cassian would prove an exception to the rule.

 

(And now she was letting herself think like this was a date. No. Not a date!)

 

“However,” she said, “this makes me even more determined to take the piss out of him tonight.”

 

“Yes. Let's,” Cassian said, his eyes twinkling. He gestured toward the door. “After you.”

 

Jyn smiled, and felt an unexpected stirring of butterflies in her stomach. She fought to ignore it, and strode through the door.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“I love it!” Jyn exclaimed, staring down at the loaf Cassian had put on the table in front of her. “You got the shape of all the sun's rays just right. And that face. It's very well done.”

 

Cassian beamed. He'd been hoping to impress her with his decorative loaf inspired by a print of a sun by Picasso that Kay had hanging on their living room wall. “Thanks. I tried a plaited loaf, first, and failed miserably. But this one has worked out pretty well.” He leaned toward her. “Now let's see yours.”

 

With proud smile, Jyn lifted the lid of the cardboard cake-box she'd carried her loaf in. Inside sat a beautifully browned and glossy plaited bread.

 

“Clearly you've mastered this whole plaited loaf thing,” he commented. “You'll have to teach me, sometime.”

 

“Perhaps I shall,” she replied. “I made my first plaited loaf when I was sixteen, so I do think I've got a good handle on the technique by now.”

 

“Sixteen? That's young. Did you have someone teaching you?”

 

Her eyes dropped a little. “My father. He loved baking, and he spent a lot of time teaching me. Even when we weren't getting along about other things, we could always go into the kitchen and bake together.”

 

“I can see why baking means so much to you,” Cassian said, choosing not to bring up what Chewie had told him about her father's death.

 

“Yeah.” She nodded as if trying to shake the melancholy from her mind before smiling at him again. “And you? What got you into baking?”

 

“My grandparents. My father wasn't around, and my mother worked hard to finish university and become an engineer, and had to work long hours to get ahead at her firm. So after school I would usually go hang out at my grandparents' panaderia – their bakery. They made daily loaves and rolls, and sweet breads, and also had a lunch counter where they sold tortas and tamales. I had to help out, mostly stocking shelves and cleaning up. They tried to teach me the business, but I wasn't interested.” The way Jyn smiled in interest at his story sent a nervous thrill down his spine. “Anyway, once I left home to go to university in Texas, the bakery is what I missed the most. So I finally let them teach me whenever I went home to visit, and learned the rest from books and trial and error.”

 

“That's lovely,” Jyn said. “Do I remember you saying your grandparents are still alive?”

 

She'd paid attention. He liked that. “Yeah. They still own the bakery, but now one of my cousins and his wife run it.”

 

“It must be nice having a big family like that,” Jyn mused.

 

Cassian shrugged. “I was an only child, but my mother had two sisters and a brother, and they all stayed near the neighborhood where they grew up. So I did have lots of cousins around. Sometimes it was really great, other times not so much. My family is a pretty nosy bunch. But overall it was pretty great. I still miss it sometimes.” As nice as the conversation was, he wanted to learn more about _her_ , and she didn't seem the type to give out much information unless she was directly asked. “So you just had a small family?”

 

She nodded, and, with the help of a few follow-up questions, told him a little bit about her parents. Both had been academics – her mother a geologist, and her father a mathematician. There were no grandparents in the picture, and no aunts or uncles except her uncle Saw – her mother's stepbrother. He owned the karate studio where she taught. She dropped a few hints about his past as a military special forces commando which were enough to make Cassian shudder. “You're uncle does not sound like a man I would want angry at me.”

 

Jyn smirked. “Oh, he doesn't have an explosive temper. He's very in control. But he will find a way to get back at someone who's wronged him or the people he cares about. He's just sneaky about it. You have that in common.”

 

Cassian chuckled. “I'm starting to wish I never used that word – sneaky. Now I'm stuck with it, aren't I?”

 

“Until you prove yourself worthy of some other adjective, yes.” He loved the look of mischief in her eyes.

 

It was then that Chewie finally ambled up to their table. “Bloody hell! You've finally met each other, have you?”

 

Jyn turned her smirk on him. “Oh, indeed we have. In fact, we spent all of this past weekend together.”

 

Cassian bit back a laugh at the shocked look on Chewie's face. “When did you actually meet, then?”

 

“Last Friday night,” Jyn deadpanned.

 

This time Cassian did snicker at Chewie's wide eyes.

 

After a beat, Jyn smiled. “We're in the Bake-Off together!”

 

Chewie's jaw dropped, and then he let out a few booming laughs. “Blow me down – you had me going for a moment there.” He turned his eyes on Cassian and wagged a finger at him. “Now see here, mate, you never once mentioned you were gonna be on the Bake-Off.”

 

Cassian shook his head. “It just didn't come up.”

 

“Ha,” Jyn retorted. “The truth is, he was being sneaky about it, for who knows what reason. I think sneakiness is second nature to him.” She shot him a teasing glance.

 

He was really never going to get over that impression, was he?

 

“I was just keeping it quiet so no one would keep track. I didn't want everyone feeling sorry for me when I got sent home a week or two in,” Cassian retorted.

 

“You out already?” Chewie asked.

 

This time both Cassian and Jyn laughed. “No,” Cassian said. “I'm still in it. I was just preparing for the worst. Just in case.”

 

Chewie shook his head. “Both of you in the Bake-Off. My heavens. Small world, isn't it?”

 

“That's exactly what I said,” Jyn replied. “And now that we know we've both been relying on your excellent palate, we've come to see what you think of some of our bakes for next week. These two are our showstopper loaves. Why don't you try them and give us a judgment? Which of us is the star baker of the night?”

 

Chewie's cheeks reddened, “Good Lord, Jyn. You can't put me on the spot like this.”

 

“I don't see why not,” Cassian said. “You've had me tasting her biscuits and pastries for months to get a second opinion. How is this any different?”

 

This time Jyn's jaw dropped. “He hasn't!” She glared up at Chewie. “You haven't!”

 

Chewie raised his hands in mock surrender. “I thought he'd appreciate your work, that's all. And I figured the more opinions you got, the better.”

 

She glared up at him. “So every time you brought me a follow-up opinion from one of your patrons, it was Cassian you were talking about?”

 

Chewie tilted his head sheepishly. “Most of the time, yeah.”

 

“Well bloody fucking hell, Chewie! You've handed him a huge advantage. Now he knows all my strengths and weaknesses, and he can play off of them.” She sounded genuinely outraged.

 

“To be fair, there are twelve other contestants we have to worry about,” Cassian interjected.

 

“Eleven, now,” Jyn retorted.

 

“You are very competitive, aren't you?”

 

“You have no idea, mate,” Chewie said. “You shoulda seen her when she was still out competing a few times a month. Girl was unstoppable.”

 

“I like to win. There's nothing wrong with that.” Jyn lifted her chin.

 

Cassian just smiled. “Then you have nothing to worry about. Everything I tasted was amazing. I was starting to doubt my own abilities, since my taste tester's other friend was clearly the superior baker. I had no idea why I was the one getting on the show and not you. Except you are, and you're going to kick to my ass. All Chewie did was convince me of how inevitable it is that you'll end up winning.”

 

Jyn squeezed her lips together and smiled, her cheeks flushing. “Well, I rather think I'm starting to like you after all, Cassian. Maybe I can overlook the sneakiness.”

 

Cassian let out a resigned laugh. “Thank you. I hope so.” Then he turned to Chewie. “But don't think you're getting out of this. Come on. Try the bread. Let us know what you think.”

 

After another minute of pestering, Chewie finally agreed. He reached down and ripped a hunk off of Cassians loaf and started munching on it, looking thoughtful. While he chewed, Jyn grabbed a little piece for herself and popped it in her mouth. “Hmmm,” she said around her mouthful. “Is that orange?”

 

“And oregano,” Chewie added. “Interesting combination.”

 

“Never would have occurred to me,” Jyn said.

 

Cassian smiled. “I was going for a fresh Mediterranean flavor. Does it work?”

 

“It does. Very well done, Andor. You might give my girl a run for her money after all,” Chewie said.

 

“Well, we'll see if that holds up after you taste her loaf,” Cassian replied.

 

Chewie took a chunk of Jyn's bread, and Cassian, following her example, snagged a bite for himself. It was perfectly baked with a nice, light crumb. “Cheese and bacon with onion?” he asked, savoring the delicious flavors.

 

“Shallot, not onion,” said Chewie.

 

“And Chewie's palate wins again,” said Jyn.

 

“It's very good,” said Cassian. “And the plait looks magnificent.”

 

“Thank you.” She beamed. Turning to Chewie she asked, “So who would you give the star to? Cassian, or me?”

 

“Good Lord, girl. You don't ever let up.” Chewie sighed. “Sorry, mate, but I'd have to give the edge to my Jyn. I do love that bacon.”

 

“I agree. You have the better loaf,” Cassian added.

 

Jyn continued to flush. “I suppose you have some more practicing to do, then.”

 

After a few more words with Chewie, he excused himself and the two of them fell back into more conversation as they drank some pints and munched on bits of both loaves.

 

Cassian learned all about the competitive karate circuit in England and Europe, and in turn shared with her his history as a pole-vaulter in college. “And then, in grad school, I took up rock climbing,” he said. “That's what brought me to Scarif in the first place – The Tower climbing gym.”

 

“I thought that place would go under in two months,” Jyn said, “but it seems to be doing rather well. A lot of the parents of my students go there to work out while their kids are in class. Though I think they go as much for the yoga classes as for the climbing.”

 

“Whatever it takes to keep the gym open, I don't mind,” Cassian said. “I had to drive almost forty minutes to the nearest climbing gym before they opened. And I never would have started coming to dinner at Chewie's if I hadn't been in town to climb. I'm down to just a couple of times a month since I got far into the audition process, but once I'm off the show I'll work my way back up to three times a week, like before.”

 

She asked him more about his rock-climbing experience, and he told her about trips to various countries to scale all sorts of cliffs and rock formations.

 

The conversation flowed so smoothly that when he looked at his phone to check a text from Kay, he saw that it was past nine o'clock. “Fuck.”

 

“Oh, am I keeping you from something?” Jyn asked.

 

He shook his head. “That was just my flatmate reminding me that I was going to practice another bake tonight and wondering where I am. I completely lost track of time.”

 

“Sorry. I've been a huge chatter-box tonight. I'm not usually like this.” Jyn shook her head, her spine going stiff.

 

“No, no. I don't mind. I had a really good time.” A _really_ good time. He really wished he knew whether or not this was a date. If it was, he'd very much like to kiss her goodnight.

 

Her smile returned. “I had a good time, too. Haven't spent an evening out with friends in ages. I need to do it more often.”

 

His stomach sank. There is was. Friends. Well. She was worth having as a friend, even if it would never be something more. He'd just have to get over this newfound infatuation.

 

Easier said than done.

 

“Maybe we can do it again next week?” she asked, looking suddenly shy and hopeful.

 

He hesitated for just a moment, but then instinct took over. “Yes. Absolutely. Let's plan on it.”

 

Her answering smile made his hopes leap up again. But he mentally restrained himself. He needed to keep his expectations set to “friend.” Then he wouldn't be disappointed if nothing else happened.

 

“Sounds good. Well, I'll let you get home, now.” She rose to her feet, packing away what was left of her loaf. Cassian followed suit.

 

“I'll see you this weekend,” she said as they parted.

 

“Yeah. See you.” In spite of how well the evening went, he felt a little glum on the drive home. He'd really wanted it to be a date.

 

He just hoped that sleeping on it for a few nights would help get him back on track to enjoy a friendship. That would be enough.

 

Naturally, as soon as he walked through the door, Kay called to him from the sofa, “So was it a date?”

 

“No,” Cassian grumbled, and strode off to his room for a little peace and privacy. He was in no mood to talk about it.

 

~ ~ ~

 

The first bake of the weekend went well, with Jyn and Cassian both earning good comments on their free-form loaves.

 

Jyn had been unable to stop herself from sneaking glances at Cassian throughout the entire bake. She'd managed to restrain herself to two short text message exchanges with him in the days after their not-a-date, to compare their practice bakes, but had been far too excited to see him again when they met up in the hotel bar with the other contestants for drinks before turning in Friday night. She felt like a schoolgirl with a crush. (It wasn't an entirely bad feeling.)

 

During the lunch break she sat down at a table with Baze, hoping Cassian would follow, but was soon so deeply engrossed in her conversation with the retired mercenary that it took her several minutes to notice Cassian was sitting with Bodhi and Wona again, with the odd addition of Davits Draven to their group.

 

She turned back to Baze. “So you really, truly, knew my Uncle Saw?”

 

Baze nodded. “He wasn't in the same unit as me, but our units sometimes trained together. We hung out a few times to talk since we both had martial arts training. I left for private security two years after a met him, but he made a lasting impression.”

 

“He does tend to do that.” Jyn shook her head. “Lord, this world keeps feeling smaller and smaller.”  
  


“Doesn't it?” Baze chuckled. “I'll have to visit Scarif sometime soon and bring my Chirrut by the studio. Maybe they can spar.”

 

“He'd like that. But no sparring for you?” Jyn asked.

 

Baze shook his head. “No. Not anymore. I've gotten out of shape since I took up baking. But Chirrut is still in peak form. He'd love a sparring partner who doesn't get out of breath after five minutes.”

 

“Well, just make sure to let me know when you plan on visiting. This is something I just have to see.”

 

“I will. Count on it,” Baze replied, beaming at her.

 

Though he was even slightly older than her uncle, Baze struck her as someone she would definitely like to get to know better. She'd have to invite him to join her dinner group, that night.

 

His eyes narrowed and he leaned toward her, lowering his voice. “Just so you know, Cassian can't seem to take his eyes off of you. Is that a problem for you?”

 

Jyn felt her face getting warm. So Cassian hadn't avoided her out of disinterest. She was glad to know that. “No,” she said, smiling up at Baze. “Let him look.”

 

Baze leaned back and let out a hearty laugh. “Oh, to be young again.”

 

That afternoon the technical was for a leaf-shaped bread called a “fougasse,” which Jyn had never heard of before. Fortunately, none of the rest of them had heard of it, either.

 

After getting her dough in the proving drawer, she wondered over to Cassian's station. “How's your fougasse coming?”

 

Cassian made a face. “I have no fucking idea.”

 

She laughed. “I can relate. It reminds me a little of baguette dough, but different enough that I'm not entirely sure I have it right.”

 

He sighed. “That about sums it up.”

 

She folded her arms and leaned against the edge of his work station. “Davits seemed to be having a rather intense conversation with you all at lunch.”

 

Cassian huffed. “He was explaining why he favors tighter immigration restrictions.”

 

Jyn raised her eyebrows. “Did he even notice who he was talking to? An immigrant and the children of immigrants?”

 

Cassian rolled his eyes. “I didn't feel like engaging in a fight. Some people don't want to have their opinions corrected, and I'm pretty sure he's one of them.”

 

“Well, I'll try to maneuver things so he doesn't come to dinner with us.”

 

Cassian smiled, his eyes widening hopefully. “Us?”

 

“Baze and I, and we've already invited Jaldine and Bodhi. I'll ask Wona, next. You in?”

 

He flashed her that smile she'd grown so fond of. “Absolutely.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

From Cassian's perspective, dinner went very well. Baze turned out be a fascinating man, though in an understated way. And Bodhi was rapidly turning into a good friend. The only downside was being seated across the table and down a few seats from Jyn. Well, that and the fact that somehow Bodhi got him to admit that he'd been on a “battle-bot” competition team during his undergrad years.

 

From Jyn's reaction, this was another thing he'd never manage to live down.

 

After getting back to the hotel they all said their goodbyes in the lobby to head to their respective rooms, and Cassian finally caught a private moment with Jyn. “So, you still think you're going to kick my ass tomorrow with your bacon bread?”

 

“Absolutely I do,” she replied, her eyes shining.

 

He took a step closer. She didn't back away. “I look forward to it.”

 

Her smile grew into a grin, and she rocked onto her toes, until her face was only a few inches from his. “As do I.”

 

Tension filled the small space between them. God damn it, he wanted to kiss her.

 

Then she drew in a breath and rocked back, as if realizing that whatever was happening ought not to happen in a hotel lobby with several production assistants still chatting nearby. She stepped back. “Goodnight, Cassian.”

 

“Goodnight, Jyn.” He stood and watched her walk away until she'd disappeared up the stairs.

 

The next day, the showstopper worked out as well as he possibly could have hoped. Paul and Mary liked his design and flavors – though they liked a few of the other loaves even better.

 

Though he did get startled when, while the loaves were proving, Mel sidled up to him and said, “So, couldn't help but notice that you spend a lot of time craning your head back to watch Jyn. Is she the competition you're most worried about? Trying to scope out her weaknesses?”

 

Cassian bit down on his bottom lip. Clearly he'd been too obvious. “Something like that,” he replied.

 

Jyn's loaf did get much deserved high praise. He thought she had a good shot at star baker, this week, and told her as much during the break, while waiting for the judge's deliberations.

 

“Thank you,” she replied. “Though my money is on Jaldine. She had a smashing weekend, didn't she?”

 

Cassian had to confess that her bakes had all been inspired. A moment later they were pulled apart for the regular mini-interviews with producers. Cassian knew most of what they said in these interviews ended up on the cutting room floor, but it was part of what they'd signed up for.

 

He couldn't help but feel distracted during his interview. Jyn had definitely seemed to be flirting this weekend. Could it be that she hadn't known whether or not Wednesday was a date, either? Or was that too much to hope for?

 

Soon enough they were lined up on their stools for judgment. Cassian's fougasse had been a bit of a disaster, getting him second to last in the technical, but he'd done well on both the other bakes, so he wasn't very worried.

 

In the end, Jaldine won star baker, just as Jyn had predicted, and Tynnra Pamlo was sent home. Cassian felt a pang of guilt that he'd never tried to get to know the woman, better.

 

As the contestants mingled while being pulled out for final interviews of the weekend, he managed another private moment with Jyn.

 

“So I was thinking,” he said, “I've been driving here. I like to drive. In Texas you had to drive two hours just to get from one town to another. I guess I just got used to it.”

 

Jyn raised her brows. “I can imagine that driving here is a great deal different.”

 

“It is, but I still like doing it. Anyway, I was thinking that since we live so close, maybe next weekend you could save yourself the train fare and I can give you a ride?” It would be the perfect chance for more one-on-one time to get to know her better. Maybe she'd finally decide this tension between them was worth pursuing.

 

She looked thoughtful for a moment, eyeing him up a down. Then she smiled. “We could start tonight, if you're game.”

 

“What? You mean drive home with me tonight?” This was unexpected. Not in the bad way, but still a surprise.

 

“Sure. Why not?”

 

“Don't you already have a train ticket?”

 

She shrugged. “So what. I'm allowed to be frivolous with my money if I want to be.”

 

Cassian smiled, a nervous buzz rising in his chest. Maybe she'd already decided the tension was worth pursuing. God, he hoped so. “Okay. Meet you in the lobby?”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jyn wasn't sure exactly what had come over her.

 

Cassian was flirting with her. He was interested in her. Of that much she felt certain, by now.

 

Of all the men she'd been set up with since chucking Bob (eleven, at last count), Cassian was the first she was genuinely attracted to.

 

He was handsome, to be sure. A little awkward but still funny and interesting – somehow the awkwardness made him endearing, rather than annoying. Intelligent. Geeky in a good way. And he shared her favorite hobby.

 

But they were competitors. On television. And if anything happened between them, some of it would inevitably end up on camera.

 

She wanted to be remembered for her baking, not as the first girl to start dating a fellow contestant.

 

And yet, when he proposed driving together, her mind had gone entirely blank of anything other than the desire to spend a little more time around his lovely smile.

 

Ugh. She was pathetic.

 

Even so, her heart jumped in her chest when he met her with that delicious smile in the lobby and led her out to his car.

 

Over the course of the drive she got him to tell her about his favorite climbing trip of all time (meeting up with his old college chums three years ago to climb for two weeks in Spain), and he'd got her to tell him about her greatest achievement in international karate competition (winning second in her division in an EU junior championship).

 

Then came a sharp turn into darker territory. “So why don't you compete anymore?” he asked.

 

She squeezed her lips together and took a deep breath. “Personal life got in the way. I'm sure Chewie told you about my father passing away – he always does.”

 

Cassian grimaced. “Yes. I'm sorry for your loss – and sorry that Chewie told me.”

 

“I'm used to it by now.” She shook her head. “At the time he passed I was a few months into a relationship, and while I was grieving...” God, why was she telling him this? “Bob kind of wormed his way in. Took advantage of how broken up and scattered I was. Made me feel like he was the only person I could trust to understand – the only person I could count on. Of course it was all bullshit, but he managed to drive off most of my friends, and I dropped out of competition. I was estranged from Saw and Chewie for about a year – not teaching. Not practicing. Not competing. Wasting my time working as a receptionist at Bob's office. Somehow he'd pulled me away from everything good in my life, and isolated me from everyone I cared about. Quitting that job and going back to work with Saw was the first step to getting him out of my life.” Bob had been furious, but he was too scared of Saw to put up much of a fight about it. Thank God, or she never would have gotten free of him.

 

“Bob sounds like a serious asshole,” Cassian said, his voice tight.

 

“He is,” Jyn replied. She sighed. “And that's the sob story of how I stopped competing and gave up most of the rest of my life for a bad relationship. Pathetic, right?”

 

“I don't think so.” Cassian gripped the wheel beside her, and fell silent for a moment. “Sometimes we're so desperate to be loved that we put on blinders. Won't let ourselves see what's really going on. That's what happened to me, and it sounds like that's what happened to you, to. But you got free of him, and you've moved on and built a good life for yourself. That's what shows your true character.”

 

Jyn leaned back and smiled, staring out at the passing scenery. “Thank you.”

 

“Is that why you applied for the show?” he asked.

 

“Am I that transparent?” God, she must seem like such a cliché to him.

 

“No. Not at all. It just... it feels like a good way to honor your father, and what you lost when he passed.”

 

Her breath caught in her throat. She'd told her few friends that she was trying out to prove something to herself. To prove that she'd succeeded in picking herself up and coming out stronger. But underneath it all, she'd been thinking about her father. About how disappointed he would have been by the whole Bob debacle.

 

She wanted to make him proud.

 

And somehow, this man she barely knew had figured that out. “Yeah,” she said, voice just above a whisper. “I like to think he's watching over me, smiling his face off.”

 

“He is,” Cassian murmured back. “I'm sure of it.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

They were largely silent for the last short stretch of the drive, partly due to tiredness, and partly because Jyn seemed to need a break from the emotional territory they'd wandered into. Still, in Cassian's mind, at least, it was a comfortable silence – not an awkward one.

 

He hoped she felt the same.

 

When they turned to enter Scarif Village, she gave him the last few directions to her house. It was a little bigger than a cottage and looked to have been upgraded recently. He guessed that she'd probably inherited it from her father, as few people her age bought a house of their own.

 

He pulled the car to a stop and turned it off, moving to open his door.

 

“Hey – what are you doing?”

 

He looked at Jyn confused by the indignant look on her face.

 

“I was going to get your bag and walk you to the door?”

 

“I can manage on my own, thanks.” Her voice rang with finality.

 

Ah. His grandfather had trained him to be a gentleman, but Jyn wasn't the first woman to object to those old-fashioned standards. He sighed. “Okay. I'll open the boot and wait here, I guess.”

 

“Thank you.” Her expression immediately softened. Perhaps she'd been expecting him to complain or challenge her?

 

She got out of the car, but before closing the door she leaned down to meet his eyes. “So, I'll see you on Wednesday, then?”

 

“Yes. See you then,” he replied.

 

“Good.”

 

Before she moved away, he quickly added, “Can I ask you something? And if this makes me come off as a creep, I promise you never have to talk to me again.”

 

She raised her brows but didn't step away. “Alright. What is it?”

 

He squared his shoulders. This might possibly the most idiotic thing he'd done in ages, but it was worth the risk. “So Wednesday are we just meeting to hang out as friends, or is this a date?”

 

Her eyes grew fractionally larger before she answered. “Do you want it to be a date?”

 

Fuck. He'd been backed into a corner now. But he'd brought it on himself. Time to step up. He held her gaze. “Yes.”

 

For a moment he thought he'd blown everything, and then her lips curved up in a smile. His heart leaped.

 

“Then it's a date,” she said. “Goodnight, Cassian.”

 

“Goodnight.” God, he felt like he was flying. It had been so worth the risk.

 

She stepped away, closing the door. He waited a minute while she lifted her bag from the boot and closed it, and watched as she walked to her door. After unlocking it, she turned to offer him a small wave.

 

He waved back, grinning, and waited until her door closed behind her to drive away.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jyn dropped her bag beside the door and leaned against the wall with a sigh. She was exhausted and jittery with nervous tension.

 

She could hardly believe what she'd just done. And yet, she also couldn't imagine responding to him in any other way. She was so fucked.

 

God, she hoped this wouldn't turn out to be a terrible mistake.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Still in it?” Kay called as soon as Cassian walked through the door.

 

Still grinning, Cassian strolled over to sit in an armchair across from his friend. “Yes. Still in it.”

 

“Fill me in,” Kay said, still looking at his tablet. “How was the signature?”

 

“A success,” said Cassian. “But then I botched the technical.”

 

Kay huffed, finally looking up. “And the showstopper?”

 

“Went as well as it possibly could have. Made up for the mess with the technical.”

 

Kay nodded. “Glad to hear it. Biscuits next weekend?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good. You're strong in that area. But you'll still need to practice every day. No more of this running off for a night of flirting in the middle of the week.”

 

Cassian repressed a laugh. “About that – I'm actually meeting Jyn again on Wednesday.”

 

“Oh God,” Kay groaned.

 

“And this time it really is a date.”

 

“Oh God,” Kay groaned even louder. “Why don't you ever listen to me?”

 

Cassian just shook his head and laughed. Nothing Kay had to say could possibly bring him down.

 

TBC

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The signature bake was inspired by GBBO series 2 ep 3, the technical by series 7 ep 6, and the showstopper by series 4 ep 2.
> 
> Jyn's friend Sorsha will show up in person soon. There aren't enough women in the rebellion-era canon (except the Rebels cartoon, but I haven't watched it yet), so I drew Sorsha and her husband “Marty” from another Lucasfilm classic: Willow.
> 
> I was thrilled by the response to the first chapter. Thanks so much!


	3. Week 3: Biscuits and Traybake

 

Sorsha leaned back and closed her eyes in contented bliss as she slowly chewed her bite of Jyn's traybake, one hand holding the rest of the bar and her other resting, as it so often was these days, on the expanding curve of her pregnant abdomen. “Oh. My. Gooooddd.” Sorsha opened her eyes and leaned forward, one red curl tumbling over her eye. “You need to give this entire batch to me. I know you'll be making more. I need this in my life right now. Combining millionare bars and banoffee is the most brilliant thing since electricity. If you don't win with this, I'll eat my hair.”

Jyn grinned at her friend, who sat across from her in at Jyn's kitchen table. She'd come over for tea and a visit just in time to taste Jyn's latest practice batch. “I already have it boxed up for you,” Jyn replied.

“You are an angel. An absolute angel. And don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise,” Sorsha said, jabbing the bar in the air at Jyn in emphasis before cramming most of it in her mouth.

Jyn laughed. “If you keep up at this rate, Marty won't get to try any.”

“Oh, fuck him. He's the one who talked me into having a baby right away, so he's to blame for my appetites. Speaking of,” Sorsha sat up straight, meet Jyn's gaze, “do you have any idea how ridiculous men are about pregnancy? He thought fucking me would hurt the wee thing. I had to get a written note from my doctor before he'd do it. And these hormones have me going mad. I want it morning noon and night. He's never had it this good.”

Jyn shook her head. “Too much information. Lord—I do not want to know anything more about your sex life.”

Sorsha sighed and nodded. “And you, poor thing, haven't had anything without batteries in years. Sorry, love. I will keep it to myself.”

Jyn grimaced at her friend's frankness, but Sorsha wasn't wrong. She hadn't slept with anyone since chucking Bob. (And why did that thought bring an image of Cassian to mind? No. She was not ready to think about that.)

“Now,” Sorsha continued, “fill me in on all the competition. Let's suss out their strengths and weaknesses and see how you can destroy them, shall we?”

They spent the next hour talking over Jyn's competitors, though she found herself skipping over Cassian—dismissing him as a “Mexican immigrant who is nice enough, but really doesn't have a chance at a win.” Sorsha had been quick to agree and move on.

Jyn knew that if she mentioned this growing _thing_ between her and Cassian, Sorsha would talk of nothing else. But Jyn didn't want to talk about Cassian until there was really something to talk about. _If_ there was ever something to talk about.

As Sorsha was getting ready to leave, she said, “Oh, do you still have your night off on Wednesday?”

“Yes, why?”

Sorsha rolled her eyes. “Marty is having some of his friends over to watch the football match. I'd love an excuse to escape, if you fancy a girl's night?”

“Oh,” Jyn paused, scrambling for what to say. “I'm sorry. Actually, I have a date.”

Sorsha's eyebrows rose. “Well, I didn't fix you up. Is this one of Chewie's blokes?”

Jyn sighed, trying to look resigned. “He is. This one seems a bit more promising than the others, but I'm not getting my hopes up.”

Sorsha grimaced in sympathy. “Well, if you get home early and want some company, give me a ring.”

“I will. I promise.”

After Sorsha left she found herself wondering just how Sorsha would react when— _if—_ the date actually went well.

She and Cassian exchanged a few innocent, slightly teasing, texts during the course of the next two days. It was nice, but not something she was going to put too much weight on. Any bloke with half a brain could succeed at flirting via text.

And then Wednesday night arrived, and with butterflies already in her stomach during the whole walk to the pub, she arrived to see Cassian waiting outside, smiling like she was the best thing he'd seen all day, and a heat between her legs suddenly blazed to life.

Oh God. She was in serious trouble.

~ ~ ~

Jyn seemed slightly withdrawn for the first twenty minutes or so of their date, and Cassian started to wonder if she was having second thoughts. But after she had a pint and one of Chewie's famous pasties in front of her, she began to relax. By the end of dinner he'd begun to think that the way her feet kept casually brushing against his wasn't an accident.

The conversation flowed as well as on any first date he'd ever had. She was quick witted, insightful, and intelligent. He only hoped he was making an equally good impression.

When he suggested they go for a walk after dinner, she was quick to agree. Good. He wasn't ready for the evening to end.

She gave him a tour of the village, pointing out the shops she favored, the church, the park, and then leading him to a little walk beside a stream that she liked. It was a lovely place, with birds chirping from the trees, a cow lowing from a nearby field, and the chatter of the stream all under a starry night. Even the breeze wasn't very cold. And when they stopped to admire a view and his hand brushed up against hers, she quickly angled it so that he could take hold of it. A thrill of delight ran down his spine at the way she smiled up at him.

Her hand felt small and warm, but he could feel the strength of her arm as they walked and she tugged him in the right direction. He found himself wishing he could see her in action in a martial arts match. He'd seen her competitive streak—he could imagine she'd be ruthless, and for some reason that thought gave him a thrill.

They'd been discussing his decision to leave his studies in order to take the job at Cloud City. “Do you ever regret it?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Not really. I have a job that I love, and I've learned more on the job than I ever would have back in my doctoral program. I'm keeping up with all the advancements in the field, and I feel confident that I can find a job anywhere in private sector. I'll only need to finish my doctorate if I want to work at a research university, which has its appeal. But right now I'm happy where I am. What about you? Do you ever regret not going to university?”

She sighed. “Yes. Frequently. All my chums from school went to uni. I was taking a year off to focus on competition, but I thought I'd go pursue my studies after that. And then I fell in with Bob, and then my father got his diagnosis and things progressed so quickly...” She trailed off. “Well, you know the rest. By now I feel like the chance has passed me by.”

Cassian huffed. “Nonsense.”

Jyn raised her eyebrows and give him an arch look.

“I didn't mean your feelings are nonsense,” he clarified quickly. Didn't want to dig another hole for himself. “I meant that you are an intelligent and determined woman, and if you want to go to university, there's no reason you shouldn't go. Don't let fear of being an older student stop you. My mother didn't finish her studies until after my father left, and she wanted to improve her job prospects. She didn't let it stop her that she was the oldest in most of her classes, and usually the only parent in the group. And she has a brilliant career as an engineer to show for it. She's one of the top people in her firm, now, and in no hurry to retire.” He shrugged. “I just mean to say, that if you decide you need further education to pursue your goals, you are more than capable of doing it. Or if you are happy as a baker and a martial arts instructor, then that is magnificent, too, and you have nothing to regret for making that choice. I just think that you are an amazing woman, and should be proud of who you are, instead of judging yourself against the accomplishments of others.”

At some point as he spoke they'd stopped walking and Jyn had dropped his hand. She stood staring up at him with a hard to read expression. He hesitated a moment, waiting for her to speak.

She shook her head slowly, her eyes narrow. “I can't tell—are you being sincere, or are these just lines you've practiced to make insecure women feel good about themselves so you can win them over faster?”

He felt a brief moment of indignation that she would question his sincerity like that, but stopped himself from speaking and took a deep breath. Okay. She'd been in an emotionally abusive relationship. It was natural for her to be slow to trust. He needed to respect that. But it didn't mean he couldn't defend himself.

“Jyn,” he said softly, holding her gaze, “I know that your past experiences have made it hard for you to take me at my word. Let me just clarify—I am not lying to you. I won't lie to you. In fact, I haven't told you a single lie since we met. And no, I don't go around trying to seduce insecure women or any nonsense like that—if I did, I wouldn't spend so much time at home baking.” He smiled a little at that one, and Jyn's expression softened. She looked slightly abashed.

“I'm not offended or anything,” he added. “You're right to be cautious. It's up to you to decide if you want to trust me or not. I really like you, and I would like to spend more time with you. But if, after tonight, you decide I'm not someone that you want to let into your life, I understand. That's your choice, and I'll respect that. We'll go back to just being friendly competitors. Okay?”

She looked thoughtful. “Okay,” she said, a little breathlessly.

“Okay,” he repeated, and waited for her to make the next move.

~ ~ ~

Jyn stared up at him. Everything about his words and actions felt sincere. He was right—she had no reason to distrust him other than her bad relationship from the past.

She couldn't deny that she'd had a very lovely time with him this evening. And a lovely time getting to know him over the past two weeks. And his straightforward declaration of interest made her heart leap and her face flush with warmth.

Was she really going to let her fear of the unknown hold her back from something that might be wonderful?

The timing and circumstances were shit, what with them both being on the show—but there was no helping that. He was here, right now, and though her anxiety was on high alert, her heart (and various other bits of her) really wanted to give this a try.

“So,” she said, struggling to find the right words, “if I were to tell you thanks for the nice evening, but I'm not interested in anything more, you'll be fine, and you'll walk me home and say goodnight, and this weekend we can both pretend like tonight never happened?”

He squeezed his lips together, and a look crossed over his eyes—disappointment? Or perhaps even a hint of pain? He nodded. “Yes. If that's what you want, then that's what I'll do.” He held his voice flat and steady, like he was trying to hide any emotions he might be feeling.

Okay. This was the point of no return. She needed to make a choice. She took a deep breath and met his gaze. He didn't look away.

Maybe, just this once, the universe had actually decided to hand her something _good_ for a change.

Fuck it. It was worth the risk.

“That's not what I want. I just needed to know. But that's not what I want. I... I like you, too.” She bit down lightly on the inside of her bottom lip to stop herself from babbling and held her breath.

His answering smile lit up his whole face and set her heart racing.

“Good.” He swayed on his feet, his frame relaxing. “That's actually quite a relief.” He chuckled lightly, and she laughed along with him.

“Sorry to put you on edge, there,” she said, her smile feeling warm and welcome on her face.

“No, no. I get it. You need to be careful. I understand.”

“Okay.” Good. Thank God she hadn't frightened him off. She held out her hand. “Shall we?”

He wrapped his large hand around hers, and they continued their walk.

Jyn steered the conversation back to the lighter topic of the upcoming “traybake and biscuit” weekend. Cassian was planning a florentine bakewell slice for his traybake, but refused to tell her what he was doing for his showstopper biscuit sculpture.

“It's a surprise.” He grinned swinging their joined hands. “You'll have to see it along with everyone else.”

“Well then don't think I'm giving mine away, either,” she retorted.

“It'll be a fun mystery. We get to see how each others brains work when we have to be creative.” His eyes twinkled with curiosity in the moonlight. Yes—she would like to know more what went on in that brain of his.

After another twenty minutes of strolling, they made it onto her lane and ambled toward her house. It was well past nine, and she had a hell of a lot of practicing to do tomorrow. He surely did as well.

“Here we are,” she said with a sigh, and led him toward her house. She took a step up onto the front stoop to help bring her closer to his height, and then turned to face him. “So. I think it's time to say goodnight.”

“Yes. There's no avoiding it. It's how I know I'm in my thirties. I actually get tired by ten,” he laughed.

“So that's what I have to look forward to in a few years?” she teased.

“What can I say—it happens to us all.” He inched closer, looking down at her—studying her face. His tongue darted out briefly to lick his lips. “I had a really good time tonight.”

A thrill ran through her core. “Me too.” She couldn't repress her smile. “But it's time to send you off to bed. Goodnight, Cassian.”

He nodded slowly, his eyes fixating on her lips. Her heart pounded like a drum. “Goodnight,” he murmured, and leaned forward to close the distance between them.

His lips brushed against hers sending a wave of heat crashing through her body. She found her arms wrapping around his neck unconsciously as she savored the dance of his lips against hers—of his hands on the back of her neck and the small of her back, pulling her closer.

Fuck, he was good at this.

She opened her mouth and pulled him deeper for one last, lingering kiss, and then slowly unwound their embrace and stepped back, her heart in her throat and her breath coming in short gasps.

He looked dazed and happy, and somehow she'd managed to muss his hair—God, she'd loved the feeling of her fingers combing through it.

For a moment, they both stood speechless. And then she managed to pull herself back together and fumbled for the keys in her purse. “Well. Goodnight, then.”

He took a clumsy step backward, still grinning. “I'll, uh, text you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.” She managed to get her key in the door in spite of her shaking hand.

He took another step back, looking reluctant to leave.

She was _not_ going to let those dreamy puppy-dog eyes convince her to invite him in. She was going to play it safe and take things slow, damn it.

Finally, she got the door open. “'night,” she called one last time before slipping inside, and heard him calling out “Goodnight,” just before she slammed the door.

She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes until her breathing slowed to something closer to her normal pace.

That's when it hit her. Neither of them had even thought to discuss how the _fuck_ they were going to deal with this _thing_ when they were in front of the cameras.

~ ~ ~

Cassian was on top of the world.

When Chewie started talking up his “sort of niece,” Cassian had humored the man. He'd never actually expected to be interested.

But now he was starting to agree with what Huika had said that first weekend—meeting Jyn felt like fate.

When he told Kay he was really falling for her, Kay only rolled his eyes and said Cassian would probably end up throwing the baking competition as some misguided chivalrous gesture. Cassian insisted he would never do such a thing (but, he admitted only to himself, it was primarily because Jyn would hate him if he tried to “let” her win).

When he talked to his mama and his abuela on the phone, they were much more enthusiastic. Maybe he was premature to tell his family about Jyn. They'd only been on one actual date. But there was something about her that just felt _right._

Then, Thursday evening, she sent an odd text.

_J: We have to work out a few issues during our drive tomorrow_

He was in the middle of a practice run for his showstopper, and nearly burnt some of the biscuits while wondering what she might mean.

_C: Issues? Is something wrong?_

_J: Nothing serious. We'll talk tomorrow. See you then._

Her tone seemed light enough, but it was hard to read intent behind texts.

He managed to finish his showstopper with satisfactory results, but tossed and turned with a stomach ache after he went to bed.

Friday afternoon, as he was packing his bag, she texted again.

_J: We should be able to sort things out on the drive. See you soon._

He puzzled over how to respond, and finally sent nothing but a smiley emoji, because he had no fucking clue what she was talking about. Was she having second thoughts? How was he going to make it through this weekend if she'd changed her mind?

He was already sweating when he pulled his car in front of her house. He was probably making something out of nothing, but if he wasn't this was about to be one of the most uncomfortable car trips of his life.

Jyn beamed at him when she answered her door (but was that a little nervousness in her eyes?), and quickly grabbed her bags and hauled them out to throw in his boot. After she settled into the seat beside him and he started to drive, he finally worked up the courage to ask.

“So, what were these things you wanted to talk about?” He gripped the wheel a little tighter, waiting for the worst.

“Yes. Well...”

He held his breath.

“How do you think we should handle this thing—you know, _us—_ around everyone involved in the show?”

He let out his breath in relief and almost laughed. “Oh. That. Yeah—I didn't really think about that.”

He glanced over to see her raised eyebrows and incredulous gaze. “Seriously? Not once?”

In all honesty, he hadn't really given it any thought. The show was the show, and their personal relationship was personal. “I guess I didn't think it would cause any issues?”

She huffed. “If we keep seeing each other, and don't guard our actions when we're on location, people are bound to find out about us, and some of it might even make it onto the footage. I, for one, do not want to go down in history as one of the first contestants to get romantically involved with a competitor. I want to be remembered for my baking—not because my personal life ends up splashed on the tabloid pages.”

Cassian frowned. “You really think that will happen?”

“The Bake Off is one of the most popular shows in the country. Of course it will happen.”

She was taking this very seriously. “You really think people won't pay attention to your baking skills if our personal relationship gets noticed?”

“Yes. I do.” Her face was somber. “This sort of thing might not occur to a man. Men are always remembered for their accomplishments, with personal matters becoming a side issue. The same is not true for women. If our relationship becomes an issue on the show, that is all anyone will ever remember about me.”

Though such thoughts hadn't crossed his mind, he'd heard his mother spend plenty of time complaining about the high standards of grooming and behavior that everyone expected of her which they didn't expect of the men in similar positions. Jyn was probably right.

He stared out at the road in front of them, unsure of what to say. “I'm sorry. It should have occurred to me. I was too caught up in the excitement to think about how this would impact things on the show. That was short-sighted of me.”

Jyn looked quiet and thoughtful beside him. “I was excited, too,” she finally said. “I did think about all this before I agreed to a date with you. It was almost enough to make me back out of it. But...” She looked up and caught his eye for a moment. “I do really like you, Cassian.”

Well, that was good news, at least. But it didn't solve the problem at hand. He took a deep breath. “So. This puts us in an interesting dilemma. Because I really like you. And you like me. And I really want to keep seeing you outside of the filming weekends. I guess we have to figure out what to do, and we need to figure it out in the next hour or we'll be at the hotel and it will be too late.”

“Yeah,” she said softly.

~ ~ ~

Jyn hated this. Why did the two best things to happen to her in a long time have to happen at the same time, and in such an incompatible way? And why did the world make it so fucking hard to be a woman, sometimes? She clenched her teeth and huffed in frustration. “This fucking sucks.”

“Yes. It really fucking sucks,” Cassian replied. “I mean—we could try to put things on pause until one of us is eliminated, I guess. But I don't want to be eliminated. And you don't want to be eliminated. And I really don't want this relationship to feel like a consolation prize for losing, you know? I just want to enjoy it.”

God, yes. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about that kiss. The whole date had been rather bloody fantastic—best date she'd had in years. And she wanted more. But there were really only two solutions. Either putting this whole bleeding thing on pause. Or...

“We could keep it a secret,” she burst out, the words emerging from her mouth almost as soon as they popped into her head.

Cassian's eyebrows shot up. “You really think we can do that?”

“It's worth a try, isn't it?” This was absurd. So absurd that it was almost certainly doomed to fail. But she couldn't let go of the thought that this might be the solution to the problem of how to have it all—the successful run on the Bake Off, and the exciting new relationship, both at the same time.

He nodded thoughtfully. “How exactly would this work?”

Jyn smiled. He was onboard.

They spent the rest of the drive working out rules and setting boundaries. No touching from the time they arrived at the hotel on Friday until they left it Sunday evening. Minimal fraternizing with each other. But no openly avoiding each other, either, or that would rouse curiosity. No flirting. And above all, no talking about each other to anyone involved in the show except in a very professional and detached manner.

By the time they neared the hotel, Jyn had actually convinced herself that this really could work.

Suddenly, a few minutes away from the turn-off to the hotel, Cassian pulled of to the side of the road.

“What's wrong? Why are we stopping?” she asked. Were they having car trouble? Was he having second thoughts?

He shut off the car and faced her with a smile. “We're stopping because we're far enough away from the hotel that I can still kiss you.”

Her mouth hung open in shock.

He raised his brows. “That was the point of this whole conversation, wasn't it? So we can keep dating and doing things like kissing when we're not on location for the show. Right?”

Well. Yes. Jyn supposed that was what she'd been hoping for. But for some reason she hadn't prepared herself for this sort of immediate leap forward into more regular displays of affection. “Yes. I was just so caught up in the planning that I hadn't thought... I mean...”

He squeezed his lips together and shook his head. “That was presumptuous of me. If you don't want to, that's fine.”

“It's not that I don't want to,” she said, because God, she really did want to. “I'm just... out of practice. It's been a very long time since I've done anything more than a first date, and only one of those before you included a kiss—a very horrifying and unfortunate kiss, I might add—so I'm still not used to the thought that we might be doing this on a regular basis. That's all.”

His smile returned, the laugh lines around his eyes wrinkling adorably. “Would you like to get used to it? Because it sounds like a pretty good idea, to me.”

Her face felt warm, and tingles danced in her belly. This seemed like a moment where actions would speak louder than words. She reached up to comb her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck again, and he kept on smiling until the moment their lips met.

She'd wondered, briefly, if her long drought from kissing had made that first kiss seem better than it actually was. Now, as his hand stroked her hair and his short beard left a delicious burn on the skin around her lips, she knew the answer—it really was objectively spectacular.

~ ~ ~

Cassian tried very hard to keep his eyes off of Jyn as they settled around a table with some fellow contestants for drinks at the hotel bar shortly after arriving. It was taking a great deal of effort.

“I have the greatest story,” Leia said, grinning.

“Here we go,” Bodhi interjected, rolling his eyes. “Do we really have to?”

“Yes. When you decided to be my friend there was an unspoken agreement that I get to publicly mock you. Deal with it,” Leia replied.

Cassian smiled at the lively discussion, his eyes drifting to Jyn's delighted smile. God, she was beautiful. He yanked his eyes back to Leia. No staring. That was one of the rules—wasn't it?

“Anyway,” Leia continued, “my twin brother was in the country—he's studying in Germany, right now—and we met up with Bodhi for a night, and it was like a fucking Disney movie or something, complete with heart eyes and singing birds. They're totally in love.”

“We are not in love,” Bodhi replied in an exasperated tone. “We're just interested in each other, that's all.”

“Uh huh. Sure, and that's why Luke has texted you more in the last four days than he's texted me in the last month.”

The two kept going at it for almost a half hour, with occasional interjections from Wona, Jyn, and Jaldine, while he and Baze, who sat beside him, quietly enjoyed the show. When he could keep his eyes off of Jyn.

“You two are awfully quiet over there,” Bodhi finally said, eyeing him and Baze. “Are you just sitting there judging us?”

Cassian smiled and turned to Baze, shrugging. “Kids these days, right?”

Baze chuckled and Leia cackled in delight, but it was Jyn's grin that held his attention.

“You're only seven years older than me, I'll have you know,” retorted Bodhi, wagging his finger.

The high-spirited conversation continued for nearly an hour before they decided to turn in for the night. He thought he'd succeeded in playing it cool and casual when he said goodnight to Jyn as she stepped off the lift one floor before him.

So far so good. But the rest of the weekend stretched long before him. He only hoped the baking would provide a sufficient distraction from his preoccupation.

~ ~ ~

Jyn woke in the middle of the night, warm and lusty after a very detailed dream about Cassian. She'd been repressing her sexual urges for so long that now that they had a potential outlet, they were kicking into overdrive. Eventually she managed to fall back into a fitful sleep, but was still rather tired when she had to get up in the morning.

She stuck close to Leia and Bodhi most of the day. She really enjoyed their company, and felt like they were on their way to being genuine friends, so they helped distract her from the heat that stirred inside of her every time she glanced in Cassian's direction.

The signature bake went even better than she'd hoped, with her Millionaire Banoffe Bars getting high praise from the judges (Mel stole a pile for herself). In the technical challenge—Brandy Snaps—she ranked second highest. She did note that Cassian fared far worse, getting mediocre comments on his bakewell bars and placing second from the bottom in the technical.

She knew it was breaking their new rules, but after returning to the hotel from a fun dinner out with their usual group, she waylaid him in the lobby. “Hey. Rough day, yeah?”

He sighed. “Not my best. But I think I'll make up for it tomorrow.”

She glared at him. “You'd better. After all the effort we went to planning this whole charade, I will be _very_ disappointed if you go and get yourself eliminated this week.” She lifted her chin and took a step closer. “I know you've practiced hard for this showstopper. It's time to put that effort into action and put together something spectacular. You are going to blow Paul and Mary out of their socks tomorrow. Got it?”

Cassian's eyes widened for a moment, and he stared at her with a strange look on his face.

“What?” she demanded.

His lips quirked into a slight smile and he shook his head. “Wow. I was having trouble picturing you as a competitive karate coach before this, but you just gave me flashbacks to my coach when I was still doing pole-vault in college. Now I know what your students must feel like when you take them to competitions.”

She gaped at him, torn between laughing and swatting him on the arm. Instead, she spread her arms and said, “Yeah. This is what I do with my students. And I get results. So what are you going to do, Andor? Give up and go home? Or step it up and kick some ass?”

He grinned down at her. “I'm going to kick some ass, coach. Thanks for the pep talk.”

She grinned back. “Glad to help.”

~ ~ ~

“You have a very interesting contraption here,” said Sue, gesturing to the plastic display stand Cassian had set up on the end of his bench. “Can you tell me exactly what's going on here?”

He finished one last cut in the biscuit dough he had rolled out, and stepped over with a smile. “Yeah. I custom designed this for my sculpture. It'll hold all the pieces in place, and also incorporates the theme. We have a 3D printer at work, so I designed it on my computer and printed it out.”

Sue's eyes raised. “We've had lots of interesting custom-made stands and tools show up over the years, but I think this is the very first 3D printed thing. We're officially on the technological forefront of society, here on the Bake Off. Does your boss knows you were doing this on work time? With office technology?” She teased.

“Well, I'm the project manager in my department, so I kind of am the boss,” he replied with a laugh.

“That's handy,” Sue replied. “Maybe I should try being a boss and then I can get perks like access to 3D printers—oh, the things I could do with one of those.” She studied the stand. “I see an interesting shape to this central part of the stand—is this—oh Lord,” he saw as it finally clicked in her brain. “Can I hold this up for a good shot?”

He nodded, and she angled the stand for the camera. “As you can see, this is clearly the Star Trek symbol.”

“The Federation insignia,” Cassian clarified.

Sue's eyebrows shot up. “My apologies.” She looked back at the camera. “The Federation insignia.” She put a hand against her cheek, pretending to hide her words from Cassian. “Never muddle facts in front of a Trekkie. They're insufferable about it.”

Cassian laughed out loud. He'd brought that one on himself.

A moment later Sue moved on, and he turned back to his dough. He had his work cut out for him if he was going to live up to his new coach's demands.

~ ~ ~

Jyn had been so consumed with creating her three citrus flavored biscuit doughs (orange, lemon, and lime) and crafting them into a scene of friends sitting on benches around a tea table in a garden that she barely noticed Cassian's elaborate creation until the final construction was going up.

She was pleased with how her scene turned out, but once Mel announced time up, she and and several other contestants wandered over to peer at Cassian's biscuit scene. The starship Enterprise was shaped of biscuits perfectly slotted together, stacked, balanced, and piped. The ship then “floated through space” balanced on a pillar of deep blue plastic, custom slotted to hold the ship. The base of the pillar was shaped as the Star Trek insignia, and behind the ship stood a massive sheet of biscuit, supported by slotted biscuit feet, decorated in a galaxy colored mirror glaze and dotted with tiny white sugar crystal stars.

“Is that a shuttle craft?” Bodhi asked, pointing at a much smaller ship molded out of sugar paste and glued to the starry background.

“Yeah.” Cassian nodded, beaming.

During the tea break before filming the judging, Jyn sidled up to Cassian. “Wow,” she said. “You are far geekier than you let on, aren't you?”

He laughed. “I'm good at hiding it.”

She grinned and shook her head. “Still, that is an amazing sculpture. I don't think you're in any danger of being eliminated.” It was a big relief—she'd been rather worried after yesterday.

“Thanks. It must have been your good coaching technique,” he teased.

She rolled her eyes, and, trying to stick their rules, moved on to talk so another friend.

Paul and Mary both praised the flavor of her citrus biscuits and complimented her piping and the clever way she'd baked her biscuit-people to have their legs bent for sitting. After this, she dared to hope that she was in contention for the top spot.

And when it came to Cassian's turn, Paul outed himself as a fellow Trekkie, complimenting Cassian's attention to detail and use of various skills, while Mary enjoyed the simple but delicious flavors of his biscuits. Good.

It was with a pounding heart that Jyn sat waiting for the final verdicts and heard her own name called out as Star Baker. She couldn't stop grinning. This was everything she'd hoped for. Everything she'd worked so hard to achieve.

Davits Draven was the one eliminated for the week, finally putting her concerns about Cassian to rest.

The next hour was the usual flurry of interviews and rushed conversations. She could barely contain her delight at being named Star Baker.

Finally, after returning to the hotel for her bags, she met up with Cassian to walk to his car. “Looks like your geekiness paid off. Paul was very impressed.”

“Yes—you'd be surprised how often being a total geek can really get you ahead in life,” Cassian replied.

They chattered happily about the events of the weekend as they drove home, and though she was exhausted, Jyn hadn't been this happy in ages.

At last they pulled up to her house.

“Am I allowed to help you with your bags this time?” Cassian teased.

“Fine. But only because the Star Baker has earned a little special treatment,” she replied.

She carried her smaller bag and let Cassian handle the larger one. Once she had her door open, she turned to him with a smile. She was in the mood for a little more celebration. “Want to come in for a bit? Maybe have a cuppa?”

“Yeah. I'd like that.”

God, his smile was beautiful. Her heart raced as she led him inside. They left the bags in the front room and she led him back to the kitchen and starting fussing with the kettle.

Cassian looked around appreciatively. “Two ovens and a proving drawer? Very nice. And these cabinets are lovely. Did you have this done recently?”

“I did, actually. It was my way of celebrating kicking Bob out.” She'd wanted a fresh start, and splurging on a kitchen remodel had definitely done the trick.

“That's a hell of a celebration. It's a wonderful kitchen.” He peered at the ovens and ran his fingers along the lines of the cabinets.

“Yes, it is, rather.” She said, grinning. She'd filled the kettle, but hadn't turned on the stove yet.

She stared up at Cassian. He stared down at her. Her heart raced even faster.

“Do you really want the tea?” she asked softly.

He shook his head. “Not really.”

“Good.” She wrapped her arms around him and rose on her tip-toes to kiss him.

They rocked back and forth in each other's arms, and warmth flowed through her whole frame. Yes. This was exactly the sort of celebrating she had in mind.

He shifted to change the angle of their kiss, and she stumbled backward, only staying upright by clinging to him.

They both laughed.

“Come on,” she said, tugging his hand and leading him to the nearby family room. She pulled him down beside her on the sofa, and they resumed their celebrating.

It had been so long since she'd done anything like this that Jyn had almost forgotten how much fun snogging could be. She loved every new sensation as they tumbled and tangled together, exploring each other with lips and hands. A fire blazed hotter and hotter inside of her with every passing minute. She'd intended to take things slow, but the way his lips were navigating their way along her jawline and then down her neck was making her start to reconsider.

She straddled his lap, and sucked on his bottom lip for a moment before pulling back, breathless. “I think,” she said, “that we're at the point where I either need to toss you out, or to invite you back to my bed.” God—she'd never said anything so cheesy in her life.

But the way he looked at her—his eyes dark and hungry—was totally worth it.

They both froze for a moment, with nothing but the sound of their heavy breathing filling the air.

Doubt suddenly crept into her mind. This was going too fast. She'd gotten carried away. She wasn't ready for this. She hadn't slept with anyone since Bob. This was a _huge_ step. What the _hell_ was she thinking?

Whether it was something in her expression or the tension in her body, she didn't know, but Cassian eased himself a little further back from her and said, in a soft, reassuring tone, “I should probably go. We don't need to rush this. It's better to take our time.”

She swallowed a lump in her throat and silently nodded before carefully sliding off of his lap. “Yeah. I think you're right.” Fuck. She was usually so careful. What if she'd been wrong about him? What if, instead of being a good, respectful man, he'd turned out to be a pushy, controlling bastard like Bob?

She shouldn't rely on Cassian to rescue her from her impulsive poor choices. She was better than this. Jyn looked down and took a few deep breaths to collect herself.

“Jyn.”

She raised her gaze to meet his. He offered a gentle smile. “Thank you. For taking a chance on me. I know you weren't really looking for a relationship right now, but, uh... I'm glad you decided I was worth a chance.”

“I'm glad, too,” she admitted. This was scary. But for once, she thought she might have met someone who would actually treat her right.

He took her hand and rubbed his thumb along the back of her wrist. “When can I see you again? Are you free for lunch tomorrow?”

Shit. She shook her head. “I've already got a lunch date with my friend Sorsha.”

“Tuesday?”

Fuck. She sighed. “Baze is bringing his husband up for the afternoon. He knew my uncle Saw in their army days, and I've arranged for us to all get together for lunch and a visit.”

Cassian chuckled. “Fine. Can I at least see you again on Wednesday? Don't tell me you have an evening planned with Bodhi or Leia?”

“No. Wednesday evening is all yours,” she replied.

“Thank God.”

He gave her another short, sweet kiss at the door before saying goodnight. After, Jyn sank onto her sofa with a sigh. The last time she started a new relationship, she'd been nineteen. Compared to Cassian she felt like a naive little girl. She only hoped that this time around she'd be smart enough to do things right.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just fyi, I edited an earlier chapter to make Cassian a little older, because I'd realized that I hadn't made him old enough to have been halfway through a PhD and then to have worked in England for 5 years after. So now he's 32, while Jyn and Bodhi are both about 25, and I picture Baze and Chirrut as a few years older than Saw.
> 
> In this chapter the Signature was based on series 4 ep 5, the technical was based on series 2 ep 4, and the Showstopper was inspired by series 5 ep 2.
> 
> I apologize for infrequent updates, but I don't have as much writing time as I would like. But I'm not quitting this, so stick with me!


	4. Week 4: Pies and Tarts

 

Cassian's mother insisted that he call her every Sunday night of the competition to keep her up to date on his performance. This particular Sunday he had something different to discuss.

After quickly telling her about how he'd done during the biscuit-weekend, he changed the subject to something more immediately on his mind. “Mama—I'm feeling kind of insane right now, and I need you to talk me down from something crazy.”

“Are you planning on hurting yourself?” she said immediately.

“No.”

“Hurting someone else?”

“No!”

“Committing a crime or destroying your career?”

“No no no! Nothing like that!”

“Then I'm sure it's nothing too crazy,” she said. “So what is it?”

Leave it to his mother to put things in perspective. Still, he really needed to talk this through with someone who understood him. “It's about Jyn.”

“Oh? The woman you were so excited about a few days ago? Don't tell me you're giving up on her already?” Disappointment tinged her voice. He hadn't seen anyone for longer than about six weeks since breaking up with Misty five years ago, and his mother and grandmother were perpetually frustrated about it.

“No. Kind of the opposite, actually. That's what's making me feel insane.”

“Insane how? You're not getting some kind of stalker obsession, or something, are you?”

“No.” He chuckled. Time to stopped dancing around the heart of the matter. “It's just that...” He sighed. He felt like a fool admitting this, but if he didn't talk it over he might just fall further down this hole. “She won the Star Baker this week—the top prize for the week, you know? And she was very happy about it and we went to her house after to celebrate—”

“Already?” his mother said. “Isn't it a little soon for that?”

“Not that kind of celebrating, Mama! I'm taking my time. She just wanted some company to keep her happy feelings going.” He'd made the mistake of telling his mother about his sex life back when he was an undergrad, and she'd felt free to pester him about it ever since. If he could go back in time, that was absolutely one thing he would change. “But this brings me to why I'm feeling crazy. We were in her kitchen talking about a remodel she did a couple of years ago, and she was filling a kettle for tea, and there was this—this _moment_ , you know, where I looked at her, and even though nothing special was happening I just felt something click inside my heart. Like, it was telling me, _this is it. This is the one. I am totally in love with this woman. This is the person I want to share my life with._ But we've known each other for less than a month! That's crazy, right? Tell me I'm being crazy.” It had to be the adrenaline rush. He couldn't be in love. Falling in love after one date was something out of a movie or a novel—not real life.

“You're right. You are being crazy.”

He closed his eyes and nodded. Yes. A voice of reason. This was what he needed right now.

“However,” his mother said, “you do have a family history of this sort of thing.”

“No! You're supposed to talk me down—not encourage this!” He pushed his fringe back from his face. Maybe telling his mother had been a mistake.

“I'm only stating the facts,” she replied. “You know my father swears that he knew my mother was the woman he was going to marry the first night he met her. And she felt the same way two weeks later, and now they've been together for more than sixty years and are as happy as ever.”

Cassian sighed. This was really not helping. “I know.”

“And your Aunt Corina and Uncle Jorge were the same way. And your cousin Diego with his wife, and your cousin Teresa and her husband. All I'm saying is, this sort of thing runs in the family, and for some people these sorts of strong instinctive impulses are God's way of telling them that they've found their match. So it's definitely crazy, but that doesn't mean you should ignore it, because it might also be the truth.” He could picture his mother nodding her head to punctuate her lecture like she always did when she refused to be questioned.

“Mama... I just... what am I supposed to do?”

“Well don't go proposing or anything,” she replied. “Now _that_ would be crazy. But treat this instinct seriously.”

He shook his head. “I've always believed that I should be slow and deliberate with relationships, to make sure everything is just right before making any serious commitments. And you're telling me to throw that out the door?”

“Maybe,” she answered. “I was slow and deliberate with your father, and he was out the door after just three years of marriage. And you were the same way with _that woman_ ,” his mother still refused to use Misty's name, after the debacle of their messy break-up, “and we all know how well that worked out. Maybe you should have been following your instincts all along instead of getting so stuck in your own head.”

Cassian grimaced. She might have a point. “I hear what you're saying. But I don't want to get my hopes so high that I put too much pressure on Jyn and scare her off. Her last boyfriend was very bad to her, and she's very cautious. I don't want to push things.”

“See, would a crazy man be so sensible?”

He smiled. “No. Probably not.”

“Good. So follow your instincts to be with Jyn, and also follow your instincts to be slow and careful about things. I think this is wonderful, sweetheart! You've been alone for too long.”

“Mama,” he protested, rolling his eyes.

“Really. I am perfectly happy keeping my own company. I like being alone. But most people aren't like that. _You_ aren't like that. You are a man who needs other people, and you especially need to find a partner to share your life with. I've been saying this for years.”

“I know. You can't stop saying it—it wouldn't be a normal conversation with you, otherwise,” he teased. She wasn't really that bad. She only brought it up once a month or so.

“Ha. You mock now, but in your heart you know I'm right.”

“Yes, Mama. When are you wrong?”

“Never, that's when.”

They talked for a few more minutes, and she told him that she hoped everything would continue to go well with Jyn for the next week before they said goodbye.

He hung up and flopped down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Was this really happening? Was he really in love? He rubbed his face with his hand and sighed. He needed to play things cool and go slow—not just for Jyn's sake, but for his own. He needed to be sure about this—he didn't have the same faith in instinct that his mother did.

Even so, it didn't stop him from dreaming about Jyn that night.

~ ~ ~

Sorsha shook her head, a stunned look on her face. “For as long as I've known you you've been an absolutely horrible liar. But somehow you pulled it off. _Oh, he's just an immigrant from Mexico, there's no way he'll make it far in the competition, so I'm not worried,”_ Sorsha intoned in a mocking voice, “And I completely bought it!”

“I didn't lie to you!” Jyn said with a laugh. “I just didn't want you getting excited about this if the date was no good.”

Sorsha leaned toward her. “You dragged him into your home and snogged on your couch. This is a big deal, Jyn. You've haven't so much as invited a man to walk you home, let alone to come in, since Bob. And now you're snogging this man in your living room!”

Jyn raised her brows and clenched her cup of tea. “Are you excited for me, or angry at me? I can't quite tell.”

“A little bit of both, frankly,” Sorsha said, leaning back again and stretching out her expanding abdomen. “But more excited. It's about time you got back in the game for something more than a half-hearted set-up. I'm happy you finally have the chance to get laid.”

“Sorsha! I'm not sleeping with him,” Jyn protested.

“Yet,” Sorsha countered. “I definitely sensed an unspoken _yet_ there.”

Jyn sighed. “Maybe I've thought about it a little.” She could feel her face getting warm with embarrassment.

“Hah. Knew it,” Sorsha smiled in satisfaction. “Good for you. Now, spill the details. Tell me all about this lucky man.”

Jyn was surprised by how much she had to say—how many details she'd already committed to memory. This attraction—infatuation—whatever—was getting very intense. When she finally noticed the time, she realized they'd been talking for nearly an hour, most of that dominated by her talking about Cassian. “Fuck. I've completely used up our entire lunch babbling about Cassian. Sorry.”

Sorsha just smiled and shook her head. “I've never seen you infatuated before. It's adorable. And really, he sounds lovely. Plus this secret dating thing you've got going is ridiculously hot. I'm certain a few of the romance novels I read back in my teens had this exact plot.”

Jyn rolled her eyes. “This is _not_ a romance novel.”

“Of course not. It's better.” Sorsha smirked.

Though she wouldn't admit it out loud, deep down, Jyn agreed.

~ ~ ~

Cassian sat at his desk, bent over his phone, smiling at Jyn's running commentary of her lunch with Baze, his husband, and her uncle, Saw. He was half-way tempted to skive off work and go crash the party, but Jyn was still determined to keep their relationship a secret, so that wasn't an option.

_J: Now Chirrut is trying to teach Saw about mindfulness. I keep waiting for Saw's head to explode from frustration and Baze looks constantly on the verge of laughter. Will update._

Cassian grinned. He needed to meet Baze's husband. He sounded like a fascinating man—and Jyn said he was blind. Baze had never once mentioned it. That was the sign of a solid relationship. Baze didn't talk about his husband's disability because he was so much more than that to Baze.

It was hard to focus on his oft-neglected work when he had something so much more entertaining to distract him.

_J: Headed to studio now. Waiting to see if Chirrut will challenge Saw to sparring match. Would pay good money to see them go at it._

And a few minutes later.

_J: Saw is trying to correct some of Chirrut's stances. Now they are trading passive aggressive insults while Baze tries to keep things positive._

 

“Are you texting your girlfriend again?”

 

Cassian jumped in surprise and turned to see Kay standing behind him. “Don't sneak up on me like that.”

 

“I didn't sneak. I made the usual amount of noise. You're just too mesmerized by this Jyn woman to notice anything else around you.” Kay's face was neutral, but his face was nearly always neutral. Cassian knew from his tone of voice that his friend was on edge. Their usual schedule had been thrown into chaos when he started auditioning for the show, and hadn't settled down yet. And now that Jyn was in Cassian's life, that added yet another element of chaos.

 

Kay wasn't very fond of change or chaos, and Cassian had been bringing on a great deal lately. He needed to give his friend a break. He put the phone down. “Time for our lunch?”

 

“It is if you can pull yourself away from whatever flirtation you've been caught up in.” There was a bitter edge to his voice.

 

If this relationship with Jyn was headed in the direction that Cassian hoped, things were never going to go back to the same “normal” as before. Kay was a very good friend, and Cassian needed to give him the time and consideration that he deserved. “There's always time for you. Look, I'm not even brining the phone.” He left it sitting on his desk as he stood.

 

Kay looked skeptical for a moment, but then nodded.

 

They had a very good lunch, and Cassian had a very good story to read on his phone when he got back. A win for everyone. But also proof that he was going to have to put in serious effort to balance all these new demands fighting for his time.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jyn had made a conscious decision to avoid wearing dresses and skirts for most of the last two years. Bob had always told her how much he liked to see her in a dress, and had encouraged her to wear them as often as possible while they were living together. Switching to trousers had been another way to shed her memories of that relationship. After kicking him out, she'd donated all but a few favorite dresses and skirts to charity, and had only worn the ones she kept to a few holiday parties and a wedding. Never on a normal day.

Wednesday evening, as she was getting ready for Cassian to come pick her up, she found herself eyeing a red knee-length skirt that swirled and flipped when she moved, and a matching sleeveless white blouse with tiny red polka dots. She'd always looked rather pretty in that outfit. And Bob had hated it (one of the reasons she'd decided to keep it).

It was silly. Cassian liked her just fine in trousers or jeans. There was absolutely no reason to primp and preen as if this was some special occasion. And yet...

She shook her head. Her conversations with Sorsha had stirred up all sorts of thoughts in her head. Like, where was this relationship headed? If she was willing to deceive everyone else involved with the show in order to be with him, was that a sign that she wanted this to be more than just a casual fling, or was it a sign that she didn't think it would last and didn't want to be publicly humiliated when it fell apart? Or was it a little bit of both?

Ugh. She'd skipped straight from teenage romance to living with her several-years-older boyfriend without hitting all the milestones that her peers had used to learn how to date like proper adults. Some days she felt hopelessly stunted by it all.

She ran her fingers over the red skirt one last time, and huffed.

She wore jeans and a sweater instead. And Cassian still told her she looked great. There. No primping necessary.

“Now, bad news first,” she said as they got into his car. “My visit with Baze ran a little long yesterday and I didn't get in all the practice bakes that I'd planned on. So I need to be home by nine tonight so I can get another practice of my signature done. That way I can devote tomorrow to perfecting my filo dough.”

“Nine.” Cassian sighed. “Okay. I understand. The filo's been kicking my ass, so I should probably practice tonight, too.”

Good. No pressuring her. Respecting her needs and boundaries. This is what she wanted. “Okay. Nine it is.”

They went to a pub in a nearby town where a live band was playing. The food was good and the music was decent. They talked a little more about Cassian's work—Cloud City Robotics specialized in surgical and diagnostic robotics, and Cassian supervised the “Build Team,” in charge of all new builds and any custom modifications or upgrades. Jyn had grown up around geeks and academics, and talking to Cassian about his projects in many ways felt like coming home.

Everything was going great until he suggested they get up and dance.

Jyn instinctively recoiled. “I'm really not much of a dancer.” She'd always been too much of a tomboy to go to any school dances, and had never learned how.

“I'm not much good at it either, but it can still be fun,” Cassian said with a shrug. “We'll look like bad dancers together instead of alone—that makes it okay.” He chuckled.

She glanced over at the dance floor. The couples out there were a far cry from professional dancing. There was no way that she and Cassian would be worse. “I don't know. There's only four couples out there.”

“And we'll make it five.” He grinned at her. Damn he had a gorgeous smile.

She thought for a moment longer. Okay. She was taking risks, lately, and this one was pretty small as far as risks went. “Fine. But if I don't like it, we sit right back down. Deal?”

“Deal.”

He grasped her hand and led her out to the dance floor in front of the small platform where the band was playing. He wrapped his arm around her back and she rested a hand on his shoulder, and they started swaying to the music.

“See? You don't have to be a good dancer at a place like this,” said Cassian as they moved.

She could feel the beat of the music as they swayed in tempo, and felt her heart racing. It was easy to forget her fears when Cassian guided her with such confidence. And it felt good to be so close to him in public, without having to hide or keep secrets. “You're right. It is fun.”

Even when the next song started with a much faster tempo, she found herself grinning and laughing as they spun and swung around the floor.

This was worth the risk. All of it.

~ ~ ~

Cassian got Jyn back to her house by nine, as promised.

Getting her _inside_ her house, however, was taking a little time.

He used the arm he had wrapped around her waist to pull her a little closer, deepening their kiss. When she stood on her front stoop he barely had to dip his head to kiss her, and he liked it. A lot. He'd been liking it for several minutes now.

Her hand wormed it's way under his sweater, and her fingers raked over the thin fabric of his shirt, sending pleasant tingles through his core. He loved the way her body curved into his, and the strength of her arms as they wrapped around him. He especially loved the way she seemed determined to kiss him absolutely senseless, tonight.

When he shifted his lips away from hers to kiss his way up her cheek to her temple, she murmured into his ear, “I really do need to practice my bake tonight.” From the way she said it, he suspected she was trying to talk herself into it.

He hummed into her skin and swayed a little, pulling her into a hug. “I know. But this is so much more fun.”

She laughed, sounded as relaxed and free as she ever had. “True. But winning is also fun, and I can't win without practice.”

“Ugh,” he groaned. “Why do you have to be so practical?”

“One of us has to be,” she said, giggling again. “Alright, one more kiss, and then we say goodnight. Okay?”

He'd take it.

He managed to make that last kiss last a very long time. Jyn finally pulled away laughing, and they murmured their final good nights.

He walked back to his car, but gazed at her house for a few moments. Tonight had done nothing to change his feelings for Jyn. If anything, they'd grown more certain. This relationship was special—there was no more doubt in his mind.

Now he simply had to bring her around to feeling the same way without putting undue pressure on her in the process.

God he hoped he didn't fuck this up.

~ ~ ~

“You're gonna pull off an upset again, just like last week,” Bodhi said, waving his pint in the air as he leaned toward Cassian to offer his advice. Jyn watched with her lips squeezed tight together. Soon Leia and Wona joined in, offering Cassian further encouragement.

All Jyn could do was sit in silence, her hands clutched around her second glass of wine. She felt the same churning of nerves and doubt in her gut that she did whenever her students were performing poorly at a competition—she felt badly for them, of course, but she also felt as if she'd somehow let them down. As if she hadn't prepared them properly. As if it was somehow her fault.

Was their relationship too distracting, so he couldn't get effective practice time in?

His chocolate-passion fruit tart in the signature had only been fair (her own rhubarb and custard tart had gotten high praise, but her rush from the compliments had deflated as soon as she heard Paul and Mary's critical words about Cassian's tart), and he'd gotten dead last in the technical with his miserable attempt at a treacle tart—oozing filling and a soggy bottom. With this being his second weak performance in a row, she was genuinely worried that he'd be the one eliminated tomorrow.

Just the thought of it made her sick.

After another round of encouraging words from their friends, Jyn felt compelled to speak. “You've got something good planned for tomorrow, right?” She was aiming for a teasing tone, but ended up sounding genuinely worried, instead.

Cassian blinked in surprise. This was the first time that evening that she had addressed him directly. After a beat, he replied, “I think so. I practiced the filo several times this week, and I've finally got the knack of it.”

“But the filling is just as important,” she replied, sounding more tense than before. “You've put time into the filling, haven't you?”

“Of course I have.” He offered her a perplexed smile.

“Because it's too soon for you to leave. You really need to nail this challenge. You deserve to stay. You do.” She bit down on her bottom lip after that outburst to prevent herself from further embarrassing herself.

“Thank you,” Cassian said softly. “I appreciate the sentiment. I'll do my best, but if everyone else does better, then they should be the ones to stay. I've already lasted longer than I expected.”

Jyn squeezed her lips together and nodded. The others shot Jyn several curious glances before Cassian managed to turn the conversation in another direction.

What the fuck was she doing?

A few minutes later she excused herself to go get another drink from the bar. She was surprised when Bodhi followed a few moments later.

“Hi,” he said. “You looked a little embarrassed earlier, but you don't need to worry. We all get it.”

She raised her brows. “Get what?”

He shrugged. “Just that you and Cassian have this little mutual crush thing going on, and you've had a couple of drinks and that loosened your tongue a little. If I was in your position, I'd be nervous and tense, too. But you two live really close to each other. Even if Cassian gets eliminated, you still have a chance to spend more time together, see if anything comes of it, you know?”

She felt herself flushing. God, how transparent was she to everyone, even when she thought they'd been so careful?

And Bodhi was right. If it was just about the spending time together thing. But... “It's more than that. I feel like it's my fault he's doing so poorly.”

Bodhi's brows knit. “Your fault? How the hell could it be your fault?”

“Because!” she through her arms out in frustration.

“I don't follow.” He looked more confused than ever.

She glared at him and hissed in a loud whisper. “Because we're already dating!”

Bodhi's eyes went wide and his jaw dropped.

She really shouldn't have finished that second glass of wine.

She put her face in her hands and moaned. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Jyn?”

Ugh. She raised her eyes to meet Bodhi's incredulous gaze. “You and Cassian are...?”

“Yes.”

His brows shot up. “For how long?”

She sighed. “Nearly two weeks.”

“Wow.” He blinked a few times, stunned. “That happened fast.”

“Yes. Fast. Very fast. My head is spinning and I haven't had a chance to stop and think, or figure out where this going or where I want it go, so instead I drink too much wine and make a fool of myself, and tell you about the relationship that I insisted Cassian keep a secret. What is wrong with me?” She sank onto the nearest stool with a groan.

Bodhi sat down beside her and stared into the near distance for a few moments, lost in thought. “Did you want to keep it secret because you didn't want to make a big deal out of something that might not last, or was it to avoid any potential publicity that might draw attention from the tabloids?”

“See, you get it,” Jyn said. “I had to explain it to Cassian—he was just so excited it didn't even occur to him. Which I would probably be flattered by if it wasn't so short-sighted. But, uh, the answer is a bit of both.” She met Bodhi's gaze again. “You won't tell anyone, will you? Promise me?”

Bodhi sighed. “I promise. I suppose I asked for this when I came over here to talk to you. So... Why do you think Cassian doing poorly is your fault?”

She shrugged. “He works longer hours than me. Doesn't have as much time to practice, and now he's giving up a lot of that free time to text-flirt and go on dates. I just don't want to be reason he gets eliminated.”

Bodhi shook his head. “He wouldn't blame you, Jyn. That's not the kind of guy he is.”

“But _I_ would blame me,” she replied. And even if Cassian never said anything, he still might resent her a little, deep down.

“You shouldn't.” Bodhi arched an eyebrow at her. “He's a grown man, and if he's decided that spending time with you is more important than practicing, that's his choice. He sounds like he's ready to accept whatever consequences come. You really shouldn't let this stress you so much.”

“I know, I know,” she muttered. She pushed her fringe back from her face and huffed. “I just... I just don't want him to resent me if I'm more successful at this than he is, you know?”

Bodhi continued to look bewildered. “But if he really cares about you, he'll probably be happy for you to make it far in the competition, won't he? What kind of boyfriend would resent you for doing well at something you love?”

Bob. He would have.

Ugh. It always came back around to Bob. When would that relationship stop haunting her?

She shook her head. “I'm just drunk and paranoid. Sorry.” Cassian wasn't Bob, she reminded herself. He was better. At least, she thought he was better. Hopefully. Maybe. “I think I should switch to water. I've had a bit too much.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Bodhi agreed. He waved the bartender over and got her a bottle of water.

Jyn cracked it open and took a big gulp. A few drops of water trickled down her chin, and she blotted them away. God, she really had had too much wine. She was going to regret this tomorrow. “Don't tell Cassian about this. Please. I don't want him to know what an idiot I've been tonight.”

Bodhi gave her a thoughtful look. “I won't tell him.” He paused. “This is more than just a secret fling, isn't it? You really like him.” It wasn't a question.

Jyn glanced across the pub to where Cassian sat laughing with Leia and Wona. “Yeah. I do. But... this wasn't supposed to happen. I had everything planned out, you know. I was going to prove to the world that I was better than what I used to be. I overcame. I was going to do very well on the Bake Off and then lead several of my students to international championships and increase my investment portfolio by more than 8% a year, and work on improving my relationships with my friends and family. And maybe put out a cookbook. That was the plan. I have it written down and everything.”

Something to that effect was scrawled in the diary that sat on her desk next to her computer, and she looked at it nearly every week.

Bodhi looked over at Cassian, and then back at her. He shrugged. “This may not be part of your plan, but that doesn't make it a bad thing. That's one of the best things about life, you know? It always surprises you. And sometimes those surprises are bad, but the good ones are more than enough to compensate. At least I think they are. If you want my advice—which you probably don't but I'm giving it anyway—you need to stop focusing on your plan and let yourself enjoy the ride a little more. Maybe this thing with Cassian will get serious, maybe it won't. But either way, you can make the most of it and have a little fun with life. Be spontaneous. Let yourself relax and have a good time without worrying about the long-term ramifications. Yeah?”

Jyn nodded slowly. She could see the sense in Bodhi's advice. In fact, it's what her own instincts had been urging her to do ever since meeting Cassian. It had only been her inner control-freak that had been fighting back.

But her instincts had been wrong before, and it was her control-freak nature that had saved her from Bob, in the end. At least, she thought that was what saved her.

Now, looking back, she wasn't so sure anymore.

She sighed. She was way too tipsy to figure this out. “Good advice. I'll try.”

Bodhi grinned and offered her a hand. “Shall we?”

She smiled back. “We shall.”

She let him help lever her to her feet and lead her back to the table. She let herself relax for the rest of the evening, and had a very good time.

~ ~ ~

Cassian focused intently on the growing sheet of filo on the table in front him, and continued to finesse it with his broomstick-rolling pin made especially for the occasion.

He hated filo dough with every fiber of his being. No one but Greek bakeries made filo by hand. He wanted to go to the nearest market, buy every pack of frozen filo he could find, and use them to pummel Paul Hollywood until he wept. He'd leave Mary out of it for the sake of her age, but if she were younger he'd be tempted to do the same to her, as well.

Fuck everyone who ever thought forcing home bakers to make their own filo was a good idea.

And on top of that, Jyn was acting strange.

Maybe it was just nerves, but he hated seeing her out of sorts like this. He really didn't need anymore distractions on a stress-filled day like this.

He took a deep breath and forced his attention back onto his filo. He had to get this right. He wasn't sure why Jyn was so upset about the idea of him being eliminated. It's not like they'd stop seeing each other...

He froze, and glanced over his shoulder to see Jyn intently stirring her filling in a pot on the stove. She must have felt his gaze, because she raised her eyes, and offered him a brief smile before turning back to her work.

Was she worried that only the Bake Off was sustaining this thing between them? And that once one of them was eliminated, it would start to fall apart? That was as far from the truth as anything he could imagine, but it could be the source of her nerves. He'd have to take time this evening to reassure her that she was far more to him than a short-lived fling. Without confessing the full extent of his feelings, of course. Because that would be crazy.

He huffed. Everything about today was crazy. Who the fuck made their own filo dough?

He would never do this again. Never, ever, again.

Soon he turned his attention back to his filling. He was doing a traditional spanakopita, so he knew he had to get it just right, or his “safe” choice with poor execution would doom him. He might be on the edge of elimination, but he had no intention of simply letting it happen. This would be the best fucking spanakopita in all of Great Britain, so help him God.

He lost himself in the frenzy of preparation, and only after getting in his bake in the over did he allow himself to slump and take a breath. He looked around. Most of the other bakers had their pies in the oven, except Jaldine and Ruescott. They were cutting things rather close.

“It was those mushrooms,” he heard Jaldine saying to Mel. “They took far longer to clean than I'd thought, and this filling is still far too wet. But I'll have to go with it anyway, and hope for the best.”

He felt bad for her. She'd done barely better than him in the technical and got similar comments to his for the signature. This was her first bad week, but if the showstopper was a disaster, it could also be her last.

Sue sidled up to him with a camera-operator. “So—I see a bit of sweat on your brow. How are you feeling about things?”

He smiled and shook his head. “Like I could use a cold beer and a hot bath.” He chuckled. “But I think the pie will turn out. I feel good about it.”

“Well, if not, I'm sure I can wrangle some cold beers for you after judgment.” Sue patted him on the shoulder.

“I appreciate that.” As Sue wandered to the next contestant, he turned his gaze to Jyn again. She was watching him with a smile on her face, and he smiled back. He'd show her that they didn't need this competition to keep things going. There was so much more here than just a little behind-the-scenes chemistry. He'd find a way to reassure her without being too pushy. Somehow.

~ ~ ~

Though Paul and Mary gave Jyn high praise for her vegetable and feta pie, that wasn't enough. It wasn't until she heard Paul giving equally high praise to Cassian's “perfect spanakopita,” and Mary complimenting how golden and crisp the filo was, that she felt she could breath easy again. Maybe he'd saved himself, yet again. Maybe he wouldn't be sent home because of her.

God, she needed to stop fixating on that.

After finishing her post-judgment interview, she managed to catch him at the snack area. “Congratulations on your pie,” she said.

He grinned. “I managed to pull it off. But don't offer me anything made of filo anytime soon, or I might be tempted to throw it at the wall.”

“I can relate. I've had more than enough filo for the next year or so, thank you.” She rocked on her heels, smiling.

His grin softened a little. “Are you feeling better? You've been really tense this weekend.”

She sighed. “I think I've been letting the pressure get to me. I'm alright. I think.”

He nodded, but didn't look entirely convinced. And then Monny strolled through the snack area rounding everyone up for the final judgment.

Everyone offered congratulations and smiles when Orson Krennic won Star Baker for the week. And Jyn found herself holding her breath again. Jaldine and Ruescott had both had off weeks, as well as Cassian. It could be any one of them, really. She noticed Cassian clenching his jaw. So—he did feel the nerves, as well, though he wouldn't admit it.

Then Mel's voice rang out, announcing Jaldine as the baker eliminated for the week.

Without warning, tears of relief sprang into Jyn's eyes. She offered Jaldine a hug and warm words, but her eyes sought out Cassian. He looked like a man who'd been spared execution at the last minute. “It should have been me,” she heard him murmuring to Jaldine. “You've had so many better bakes than me.”

Jaldine brushed off his self-directed negativity and thanked him, but Jyn felt an uneasiness inside of her.

Was Cassian giving up? Had he resigned himself to being eliminated in a week or two? Once again, guilt stirred inside of her.

Even after they'd settled into his car for the ride home, she still felt tense and ill at ease.

In contrast, Cassian smiled as he drove. “I'm getting pretty good at this last minute heroics thing. Maybe that will be my trademark for the series—skating through on the strength of my showstoppers alone, until only the best are left and the technicals and signatures are finally enough to take me down.”

Jyn grimaced. “I suppose its worked for you so far, but it won't for much longer. You really need to focus on your signatures, more.”

He glanced at her briefly before turning his gaze back to the road. “You're still tense. I thought you'd be feeling better now that the weekend is over.”

“So did I,” Jyn muttered.

They were silent for a few minutes, with only the sounds of the road and other passing cars to fill their ears.

“Jyn,” Cassian said, a hesitant note in his voice, “are you worried about what will happen between us after one of us gets eliminated? Probably me, to be fair?” He added the last bit in a joking tone, but she could tell his question was serious.

She'd tried to resolve these issues in her mind after her talk with Bodhi last night, but she had to admit that she was a troubled as ever. She shrugged. “A little. I mean—we wouldn't be able to see each other as often.”

“Just for a few weeks, until the filming ends. And then things will go back to normal life and we can see even more of each other than we do now. If that's what you want.” His last statement carried a hint of anxiety within it.

“I know that, rationally,” Jyn said softly. “I do. But it still feels like things will change. I like things how they are. I'm not ready for things to change, yet.” She'd been so happy and excited in the little bubble they'd been living in for the past two weeks. She wasn't ready for it to pop.

“It is going to change, eventually,” he said. “Even if we make it to the finals, there is still only another six weeks of this. And not all change is bad.”

“Yeah.” Jyn squeezed her lips together and nodded. She couldn't really understand what she was feeling today, let alone articulate it. “But I'm just... I'm not ready for you to be eliminated. I don't want you to go.”

There was silence for a few moments, and then he replied, “Jyn, even if I'm eliminated, I'm not going anywhere.”

Her heart leaped into her throat, and she dug her fingernails into the armrest at the sincerity in his voice. “You really mean that, don't you?”

He pulled his eyes away from the road just long enough to meet her gaze and nod. “I do.”

~ ~ ~

Cassian hoped he wasn't getting too intense for her. He wanted to reassure her—not give her a new cause to be nervous.

“Have you,” she asked hesitantly, “thought much about what you want this relationship to be? Where you want it to go?”

“A little,” he confessed, trying to downplay things. “Have you?” A lump rose in his throat as he waited for her answer.

“Not really,” she replied, shaking her head. “I've been so caught up in the moment—living in the now—that I haven't really taken the time to think about what comes next. I think that kind of hit home this weekend, when it looked like you might be eliminated. It would mean that everything would change before I'd even taken the time to figure out what this thing is in the first place.”

He took a few breaths while processing. So she wasn't falling for him as fast as he had for her. That was fine. He hadn't expected her to. But the thought that she was visibly rattled by the prospect of things changing between them so soon did give him a little thrill. Maybe she wasn't ready to call their relationship something serious, yet. But he'd certainly made an emotional impact on her. “Maybe its time we start trying to figure it out, then. What do you think?”

It took her a moment to respond. “Yeah. Maybe it is.” She sighed. “I'm sorry I'm being so weird about this.”

“No, no. You're fine. Nothing to apologize for,” he said, trying to head off any deflection she might be headed for. “I think this is a good conversation for us to have, now, you know?”

She nodded, and her mouth twisted into a self-conscious half-smile. “I'm sorry to say, but I really have no idea what I'm doing.”

“What do you mean?”

She shrugged. “I've just... never really dated before. You know, Bob and I went from nothing to a serious couple in about two weeks back when I was just nineteen, and he moved in with me when I was twenty. Before him there were only two ridiculously immature relationships with school boyfriends, and after him there's been nothing but a steady stream of fix-ups that never go further than a single date.” She shook her head again. “I really never did learn to date like a proper adult. So forgive me if I keep fumbling things as we go.”

Cassian chuckled. “Let me tell you a secret—even people with lots of dating experience still don't know what we're doing. We're all just making it up as we go along and hoping we can convince someone that we're worth it in spite of our flaws.”

Jyn grinned. “You're sure everyone feels that way?”

“Yes.” He hadn't met a person yet who wasn't, in some way or other, making it up as they went along, whether in relationships, careers, parenting, or whatever else they dipped their toes into. “Trust me—I've asked my abuelo, and he agrees. This feeling of cluelessness never completely goes away. Once you feel confident about one part of your life, another part will send you spinning. That's just life.”

She leaned back in her seat and stared at the dark sky out the windshield. “Well, that sucks. I keep hoping that one of these days I'll actually feel like a capable adult, and you've just gone and burst my bubble.” Her tone was light, but he could tell that at least in part she was sincere.

He'd been there. When he was first in England, still scrambling to finalize his immigration status, searching for a place to live, and slogging his way through the emotional and financial fallout from Misty leaving him, he'd called his abuelo to talk it out for hours. Normally he would call Abuela or Mama—Abuelo wasn't much of a talker. But that night he needed the closest thing he had to a father, and Abuelo came through. And at the end of their long talk, instead of feeling like a failure with no clue of how to run his own life, he was ready to face the future as just another wanderer down life's twisting road, hoping that what he'd been through would help him make better choices from there on out.

“Sorry to be the one to break the bad news. I think most of us come to this realization sometime in our late twenties or thirties. But it's no reason to lose hope or anything. I think it kind of makes things easier in a way, you know?”

“Because you know that at least 90% of the people around you are just as anxious about fucking up as you are?” she replied, a slight smile on her face.

“Exactly.” He smiled back. This was good. It was comfortable. “So, back to the original topic. We don't need to know exactly what this is. Not tonight. Not even next week. But I think it would be a good idea to think about what direction we want things between us to go, because sooner or later things _will_ change. One of us _will_ get eliminated. And it would be nice to know how to deal with that when the time comes.”

Jyn took a deep breath. “Okay. I will make myself think about it this week. Because you're right. When things change, I want to be ready to change along with them.”

“Good.” Okay. This was going well. She didn't seem spooked at all. But there was a fine line between keeping things cool and not being sufficiently clear about his intentions. He felt like he needed to get one more little nudge in the “serious relationship” direction out there, while things were going so well.

“I have an idea to help you figure out what you want,” he said.

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah. Do you want to maybe come hang out at my flat for an hour or two?” He shrugged, trying to keep it casual. “I mean, I've seen your house and your village, so I have a bit of an idea of what your life is like. But you haven't really seen any of mine, yet. Maybe if you see what my regular life is like it'll help you decide if that's something you want to be a part of for a longer term basis?” Okay. That sounded okay. He waited.

She thought for a moment before nodding. “Sure. Yeah. Let's go hang out at your place.”

Cassian grinned. Perfect. He wanted her to see that he had a stable, normal life, outside of the crazy bustle of filming the competition. That was the life that she would—hopefully—choose to be a part of.

Except... “Um, but I should warn you, I guess, about my flatmate, Kay.”

“Warn me about what?” She looked at him with raised brows.

“It's nothing serious—he's not a nudist or anything like that. He just takes a little getting used to.” He felt a twinge of guilt about talking about Kay like this, but he'd had friends and dates get very upset or even offended by Kay during their first meetings, and he didn't want that happening with Jyn. She was too important to him.

“Okay. What does that mean?” she asked, puzzled.

Cassian sighed. “Kay is a little different. He has a lot of quirks. I mean, he's a really good friend to me, and a brilliant programmer. He's been working for Lando since the founding of the company, and still writes as much code as the other four members of the software department combined. He actually owns the flat. But he doesn't make a very good first impression. You have to get used to his quirks, you know?”

“Okay. So, uh, is there anything special I need to do, or...” Jyn sounded confused.

“No, no. Just be yourself. He doesn't need any special treatment. He just might come off as rude, or sarcastic, or blunt, or a little cold, or like he's a know-it-all. Don't take it personally. He's not good at showing emotions, or at reading other people. But once you get used to his way of communicating, he's really a great guy. He's my regular climbing partner, and we sometimes have game nights with other guys from work. Kay loves board games. He's fun. Just a little different, that's all.” There. That was a pretty fair description.

Jyn nodded slowly. “Okay. I'll just be myself, then. I don't always make a great first impression, either. And my Uncle Saw avoids talking to prospective students and their families until after they'd spoken to me and gotten positive references, because he can be downright terrifying when you first meet him. So I know a thing or two about being close to someone with _quirks_ , as you call them.”

Cassian smiled. “I'm glad you get it. Some people really take things the wrong way, and never him give a chance.”

“Everyone deserves a chance.”

“Yeah. They do.” He didn't say it out loud, but people's reactions to Kay's idiosyncrasies were a pretty good judge of character. If they acted freaked out or overly offended, he knew they weren't people he wanted to spend much time with. “I don't like when people think that there is something wrong with him just because he's different. He invited me to move in when I was still dealing with my fiancee, Misty, dumping me, and he really helped me get through that time without falling apart. When he cares about someone or something, he'll go to any lengths. He's always been there for me.”

Jyn wore a soft smile. “He sounds like a wonderful friend.”

“He is. He's my best friend, really.” Cassian smiled back. It looked like she was going to pass the Kay-test with flying colors.

“I look forward to meeting him,” she replied. “But there is one more thing we need to address.” Her tone was very serious.

He took a sharp breath. Had he done something wrong? “What is it?”

He met her gaze.

She asked, with a deadly serious face, “You're telling me you were seriously engaged to someone named _Misty?_ ” Her lips began to curve into a smile.

She was teasing him.

He smiled and shook his head. “She was from Texas, okay? It's not that strange of a name in Texas.”

“I'd think it would be a strange name anywhere. It's more of a name for a pony, or for one of Tinkerbelle's little friends. Not for a grown woman.”

Cassian laughed. “Okay—so the name is a little strange. But you don't have much ground to stand on in this argument, _Jynnerva_.”

She glared at him. “It was my great-grandmother's name, and I've never completely forgiven my parents for deciding it needed to passed along to a new generation.”

He smiled and shook his head. “Whatever you say.”

~ ~ ~

A well-lit stairway led up to the top level of the six-flat block where Cassian lived. His flat occupied half the top level. According to Cassian, Kay chose the top because he couldn't bear the thought of having strangers living over his head.

Cassian smiled anxiously as he opened the door and led her inside.

They stepped into a small entryway which opened into a surprisingly spacious living room. The furniture was all sleek and modern and looked no more than a few years old.

As she was looking around, a man walked out of the nearby kitchen area. “Are you still in it?” he said, and then stopped short when he caught sight of Jyn. He stared at her intently. He was tallish, with reddish-blonde hair and wide, round eyes.

“Kay,” said Cassian, stepping toward him, “this is Jyn.”

“I assumed as much,” Kay replied, still staring at her. “You didn't answer my question.”

“Yes, I'm still in it. By the skin of my teeth,” Cassian said. He turned back to Jyn, “Jyn, this is my flatmate, Kay.”

“Pleased to meet you,” she said.

“Huh. I was wondering if he'd bring you over. He hasn't brought a girlfriend over in more than a year.” Kay continued to stare at her.

“Jyn did really well this week,” Cassian said, acting as if nothing was wrong with his flatmate and his girlfriend standing stuck in some sort of staring contest. “Her rhubarb and custard tart was amazing. I think you'd like it.”

“I do like rhubarb,” Kay said in a flat voice.

“I grow my own in my garden,” Jyn said, hoping to break the ice a little.

“I don't garden,” he replied.

She tried a different tactic. “Cassian came dead last in the technical. He completely mucked up a treacle tart.”

Kay frowned slightly and turned his gaze on Cassian. “Did he? He really isn't good at pastry. I keep telling him to practice more.”

“Me too,” Jyn said. “He's got a lot of raw talent, but there are areas where I can tell he hasn't devoted enough time to improvement.”

Kay looked back at her with a slightly raised eyebrow. “Agreed. Especially since he started dating you. He's entirely too preoccupied—he never gives his practice bakes his full attention, and he leaves an awful mess for me to clean up.”

Jyn crossed her arms in front of her chest and gave Cassian an arch look. “Do you really leave all the washing up to your poor flatmate?”

Cassian chuckled sheepishly. “I'm not the greatest at cleaning up after myself.”

Jyn shook her head. “Shameful,” she said in a teasing tone.

“It really is. I ought to charge him more rent to compensate,” Kay said, the faintest trace of a smile on his face.

Jyn smiled back. She'd been a little nervous about meeting Kay, but things were on the right track.

Cassian invited her to sit in the living room, and Kay joined them. After spending a while longer dissecting all the areas where Cassian needed more practice before next week, Kay seemed completely at ease.

When the conversation turned to other topics, Jyn noticed that Kay only spoke up when he seemed to know a great deal about the topic at hand. He was probably just shy, and didn't always know how to relate to people. Her mother had been the same way. Jyn could completely understand.

After about two hours of chit-chat and munching on some of the large quantity of leftover spanakopita in Cassian's fridge, Cassian's yawns became more evident. After a particularly large one, Jyn smiled at him. “Perhaps it's time you take me home, before you're too sleepy to drive.”

“A good suggestion,” Kay said. “He's useless if he's not in bed by ten-thirty.”

Jyn laughed. “So this is what it's like dating someone in his thirties.”

Cassian shook his head and rolled his eyes. “I need a good night of sleep. There's nothing to be ashamed of about that.”

“Of course not.” Jyn said, rising to her feet and offering him a hand to help pull him up. “But that's not going to stop me from teasing you.”

They said goodnight to Kay and headed back down the stairs to the car. Before getting to the car, Cassian tugged on her hand and spun her around to face him. “I think Kay likes you. You make a better first impression than you think.”

“Good to hear it. I think I like him, too.” All evening the thought had been buzzing at the back of her head that she needed to figure out what she wanted out of this relationship. In those first, dizzying days from the time he asked her out until their talk about secrecy in the car on the way to the competition, she'd wondered if this was the sort of fling she needed to move on from Bob once and for all. But ever since, she'd been pushing aside any deeper thoughts or feelings and simply enjoying the ride. However, staring up at his warm brown eyes in the moonlight, she couldn't help but think that there was definitely something more to this than just a fling. She really, really liked him—a prospect both thrilling and frightening.

When he finally dropped her off at her house, he left her with several more lingering, passionate kisses that left her wanting to invite him in for more.

Was she ready for more? She hadn't been last week. She might not be, yet. But if things kept on going this well, then she'd be ready for the next step in their relationship very soon.

God, she really liked him.

And she really, really hoped she wasn't making another mistake.

~ ~ ~

Kay was still reading on his tablet when Cassian got home.

“Hey,” he said, sitting on a sofa across from Kay.

“Jyn was more interesting than I'd expected,” Kay said. “You seem very taken with her.”

“I am. Very.” He took a deep breath. “There's a good chance she'll be spending more time around here. I just thought I'd warn you.”

Kay looked up. “You think things between you will last?”

“I do.” Cassian nodded. He hesitated, and then added, “I think I'm in love with her.”

Kay stared at him with a blank expression. That meant he was rattled. “That's absurd. You've known her less than a month.”

“I know,” Cassian said. “It is absurd. But it's also the truth.”

Kay stared for a moment longer, his lips a thin line. Then he stood. “I'm going to bed.” He strode down the hall to his room, shutting the door behind him.

That wasn't great. Clearly, in spite of Jyn's favorable first impression, it was going to take Kay a while to get used to this new relationship that had come along and shaken up their regular state of being.

Cassian only hoped that Kay would adapt quickly, because as far as Cassian was concerned, he was in this relationship with Jyn all the way. This was the real thing, and he wasn't letting it slip through his fingers.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Signature challenge is inspired by series 5 episode 5, the Technical is drawn from series 3 episode 3, and the Showstopper is from series 4 episode 4.
> 
> I'm hosting guests for the upcoming US Thanksgiving, and then I'll be getting ready for Christmas shortly after that, so my writing time will be limited. I'll try to update before the end of the year if possible, but if I can't manage it, I know I'll have something up in January. Sorry for the long wait!


	5. Week 5: Pastries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long hiatus! But I'm back with a good one. Happy new year!

 

Mid-day Monday, Cassian was pleased to see a text from Jyn pop up on his phone.

_J: Kay said pastry is your weakest skill. Is this week going to be hard for you?_

Cassian smiled. She was stepping into “coach” mode, again.

_C: I'm not terrible. But with less competition to go up against my weaknesses will stand out more._

A moment later,

_J: If you take a long lunch tomorrow, I can come over and help you practice._

Now that was an unexpected and extremely appealing offer.

_C: It won't get in the way of your own practice?_

_J: No. I'm good._

_C: Then come on over. My puff pastry is not so good. I could use some help. Noon?_

_J: Sounds good. See you then._

Cassian couldn't help but hum a happy tune as he headed down the corridor for a meeting.

~ ~ ~

“It means he's serious about you, Jyn,” came Sorsha's confident voice over Jyn's phone. Jyn had given her a summary of her relationship-conversation with Cassian from last night by phone, because Sorsha was trying to finish all her important projects at work before her maternity leave in three month's time, so she didn't always have time for their normal lunch date these days.

“You think so?” Jyn panted slightly as she jogged along her usual course around the village. She had no other close female friends to turn to for this sort of advice. She wished she could reconnect with some old school friends, but none of them had moved back to the village after university.

“Yes,” Sorsha replied. “Men only talk about figuring out the direction of a relationship either when they want to keep sleeping with you but still sleep with other women at the same time, or when they're ready to get serious. And since you still haven't slept with him, it can't be option one. Besides, he's in his thirties. Men that age are usually interested in settling down. So yes. He is absolutely serious about this relationship. The question is, are you ready for this? This is a huge step for you.”

Jyn sighed. “I know. Whenever I let myself think too much about it it gets overwhelming. If you asked me a month ago if I was ready to jump into a serious relationship I'd have said absolutely not. But Cassian is...” She fumbled for the right word. “He's different. I guess he's making me reconsider.”

“You are really falling for him, aren't you?”

“Maybe I am. I don't know. So much is happening all at once.”

“Then enjoy the ride,” said Sorsha. “And I mean that literally as well as figuratively.”

Jyn laughed. “You won't let up, will you?”

“Never,” replied Sorsha with amusement in her voice. “And if you can, take a picture of this delectable Mexican of yours and text it to me. I'm desperate to have a face to picture after all your gushing.”

“I'll try. Now, have you started the hunt for your maternity leave replacement, yet?” Jyn was ready for a less confusing topic of conversation.

After chatting a while longer they said goodbye, and Jyn finished her jog. At home she stepped into a warm shower, and closed her eyes as the water flowed over her.

Sorsha was right. If this was just a fling for Cassian, he would have tried to sleep with her by now. He wanted something more. And she...

She didn't want to break up with him. But she wasn't sure of much beyond that. They'd only been dating for three weeks, for God's sake, and they'd barely known each other a month. How was she supposed to know what she wanted so quickly?

Cassian would just have to be patient with her while she sorted things out. And if he couldn't manage that, then he wasn't the man she thought (hoped) he was.

~ ~ ~

Cassian had downplayed his pathetic excuse for puff-pastry. When Jyn arrived at his flat and saw his latest effort sitting on the counter, he could see her bite back a criticism before finally telling him that she'd gladly help him improve.

He couldn't help but be charmed as she easily slipped into the mode of teacher/coach. It seemed to come very naturally for her. He felt pretty certain her students must like her a great deal.

Together they pounded out sheets of butter and then folded the sheets inside of slightly larger sheets of dough.

“I prefer the book method of folding,” she told him as she demonstrated. “It makes more layers faster and with greater precision.” Her piece of laminated dough was certainly precise. His had never looked half so good.

With a few more tips and a little guidance, he managed to produce a piece of dough that looked almost as nice as hers.

“Well done,” she said as they wrapped their dough tightly in cling film. They stuck it in the fridge to chill, and she said, “Do you have time to work on the fillings and do the baking?”

He nodded. “Yes. It'll only take another 45 minutes. But I'll have to head back to the office after that.”

“Sure. Of course. Is your boss okay with you taking all this time to practice?”

“Yes,” Cassian said with a grin. “Lando is the one who dared me to apply for the show in the first place. I think he's got an office betting pool going on how many weeks I last. He's helping out in my department a little more while I'm on the show to compensate. I'm lucky we're friends.”

“That's handy. Are you close?” Her eyes sparkled with curiosity.

“Not close friends, no. But we like to watch football matches together, and sometimes we do Playstation together, you know?”

Jyn offered him a mischievous smile. “I have a Playstation, too. When we have more time I might have to challenge you to a match in Call of Duty.”

He felt giddy with anticipation. “Which one?” He had the last few versions of the game.

“Any of them,” she said with a shrug. “Now—lets get back to fillings, shall we? Games will have to wait.” She gestured to the fridge to indicate that he get started on his ingredients.

The way she switched so effortlessly between coach mode and flirtiness delighted him. He launched into action and started gathering his supplies. “Do you want to practice yours, too?”

“No. I'll wait until I get home,” she said.

When he asked what her fillings were, she refused to tell. “Now who's being sneaky?” he teased.

She folded her arms defensively. “I just got through giving you a master class on puff pastry. I've got to hold something back, don't I?”

He could only grin in reply.

~ ~ ~

Jyn watched in rapt attention as Cassian hurried through the cutting and baking of his pastry and the prepping of his fillings. He had a fruit theme, with one of his sweet canapes being strawberry and cream mille-feuille, the next was blackberry and lemon verbena crème brulee custard tarts, and finally fresh fruit baskets. Everything looked delicious—he certainly knew how to work with flavor. It was only his techniques that needed work. She had to give him a few pointers on his crème patissiere, or it wouldn't have set properly.

Coming over to help was the right choice. She still wasn't ready for him to go home, and he wouldn't have been safe without her help. Arrogant, maybe, but still true.

Plus, she rather liked the look of him rushing about the kitchen, mussed from his ingredients. It was a very good look for him.

Despite his assertion of only needing 45 minutes, it took just over an hour to put the finishing touches on his pastries.

“You'll have to do better on time during competition,” she chided.

He gave her a pointed look. “During competition you'll be at your station doing your own work instead of hovering over me, distracting me.”

“True.” She plucked up one of the blackberry custard tarts and bit into it, the caramel topping cracking pleasantly between her teeth. A flood of tart and sweet and buttery flakes blended in her mouth in a perfect harmony. She closed her eyes to take it all in before swallowing. Cassian was looking at her with an expectant grin on his face when she opened them again.

“Lord that was good,” she declared.

“Enough to keep me around another week?”

“Definitely,” she replied.

The by now familiar tingles of pleasure danced through her when he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss. Flavors weren't the only thing he was good at—she could do this all day.

But he still had a job to get to.

“How are your breakfast pastries coming along?” she asked as they gathered up the dirty dishes.

He grimaced before replying, “They're okay.”

“Clearly not.” She shook her head. “Looks like we'll have to skip our date this week. You need another master class. I'll pick up some curry and be over at six to help you practice.”

“You really don't have to do this,” he said.

“I know,” she replied, before standing on her tip toes to plant another short kiss on his lips. “I want to.” She also didn't want to be the reason he went home. It was so much better to be the reason he could stay.

~ ~ ~

When the curry Jyn brought over turned out to be from Kay's favorite place, that earned an almost-smile from Cassian's sullen flatmate. Kay had stubbornly refused to talk about Cassian's relationship with Jyn since Sunday night, out of some sort of protest against Cassian falling in love so hastily. But Jyn's presence seemed to be softening him up. The fact that she apologized for leaving dishes in the sink after their puff-pastry practice certainly helped.

As they worked on his pastry dough, he said, “My mother is very relieved that you're helping me this week. My first few tries were pretty horrible, and I vented to her a little that I thought this pastry week would be the end of me. But you've already made me ten times better.”

“You told your mother about me?” Jyn asked with a bemused smile.

He shrugged. No sense in being embarrassed about it. “Yeah. I, uh, talk to my mother three or four times a week. And I talk to my grandmother every Sunday. We're pretty close, but I only get to see them once or twice a year. I got them both on Skype so we wouldn't have to pay international phone rates. And getting my abuela on Skype with me in England and her still in Mexico was not an easy task. I had to get one of my cousins to go to her house and help.”

“So you're a mama's boy,” Jyn said. But from her smile he could tell she wasn't put off by the idea.

“I am.” He shrugged again. “What can I say? I really like my family.”

“You're lucky to have them. I confess I'm a bit envious.”

“Sorry—I didn't mean to rub a sore spot.” He felt rather abashed as he folded more butter into his dough.

Jyn shook her head. “It's not a sore spot—don't worry. Life just worked out differently for me. And I have Chewie and Saw to look after me.”

In spite of her protests, he still thought there was note of longing in her voice. No one should have to lose their parents so early in life. The fact that she was pursuing her ambitions with such dedication even after all her losses showed just how strong she truly was.

By the time he got his pastries in the oven, he thought that's Jyn's guidance had led to just as much improvement here as it had with the puff-pastry. While the pastries baked, he took Jyn back to his room to show her some photos of his family that he had on the shelves by his desk. Fortunately he'd tidied up his room a little—the bed was made and all his dirty laundry was in the hamper where it belonged, instead of on the floor.

“There are so many of them,” she remarked, staring at the group photo of his entire extended family that had been taken two summer's ago.

“And they keep reproducing,” he joked. “I think they want to take over all of Mexico City.”

“Are you the only one who left?” she asked, taking his hand.

“I am. I'm kind of the odd one in the family, just like my mother. She's a mechanical engineer, and I'm a robotics engineer, but no one else in the family went into science or technology. And I had to go to university in the United States to get the kind of education I wanted. I guess I just got used to speaking English or something and never went back.” He chuckled.

“Well, if you'd gone back, you'd have missed your chance to compete on a prestigious televised baking competition. So there are perks to being the odd one.” She smiled up at him.

And if he'd gone back, he never would have met Jyn.

As their eyes locked he felt his heart leap. God, he loved her. He wanted to bring her into his big extended family, and help her be a part of it. He wanted this to be forever.

Jyn broke his reverie when she exclaimed. “Oh. My. God!” She pointed at a picture on one of the lower shelves, and Cassian felt his cheeks get warm. This time he really was embarrassed.

“Is that your battle robot?” She said.

He sighed, and nodded. “Yes. It is.” The picture was a group shot of his five-man team surrounding their circular-saw-blade-wielding robot.

“You look so young! Like you're sixteen!”

He shook his head. “I was nineteen. I just have a baby face. That's why I grew the beard.”

She reached up to run her fingers along his short beard. “So if you shaved this thing off you could still pass for twenty-five?”

“Probably,” he confessed. “No one at work would listen to me. They'd all treat me like a kid.”

She laughed and looked back at the picture. “I can't believe you actually did that.”

“There's a video on YouTube,” he admitted. Hearing her laugh would probably be worth a few more minutes of embarrassment.

“No.” Her jaw dropped.

“Yes. I'll show you after we get the pastry out of the oven. It's probably almost done by now.”

Sure enough, a few minutes later his pastry was ready to take out of the oven. It was by far his best result so far.

“You are a hell of a good teacher,” he said, admiring his work.

“Yes. You are. His last few attempts were barely edible,” Kay said, hovering at the edge of the kitchen. “If he makes it through another week, it's all due to you.”

“Not entirely,” Jyn replied. “He did come up with all the wonderful fillings on his own.”

“I suppose you're right. But fillings are no good without a proper pastry to put them in,” said Kay. He turned his eyes to Cassian. “It was very smart of Jyn to help you instead of gallivanting off on more dates. _She_ clearly knows how to use her rational mind about these things. You should try following her example.”

Cassian glared at him, but fortunately Jyn didn't pry into the meaning behind Kay's jab. Instead, she insisted that she and Cassian do all the dishes and cleaning before watching his ridiculous video.

While he watched them cleaning, Kay commented. “I think I'm starting to like you, Jyn Erso. You have a great deal of promise.”

“I'll take that as a compliment,” Jyn replied.

She seemed perfectly willing to roll with Kay's oddities. Yet another reason to adore her.

“Kay, can I ask a favor?” Jyn said after drying her hands.

“You can,” he answered.

“Could you take a picture of me and Cassian together? One of my friends has been pestering me to know what he looks like.”

“I'd like that, too,” Cassian said. He should have thought of it himself. Mama would love to see a picture of Jyn.

Kay raised his brows, but agreed. They handed him their phones, and Cassian wrapped his arm around Jyn's shoulders to pose. Kay took a couple of shots on each phone. They turned out great.

As they settled down to watch his embarrassing battle-bot video, he quickly texted the shots to his mother.

Before the video was even over, Mama texted back.

_She's so beautiful! You look so happy together. Now don't screw it up._

He couldn't agree more.

~ ~ ~

_S: He's bloody fucking gorgeous. And that tee shirt really shows off his arms. No wonder you're so thirsty for him!_

Jyn rolled her eyes at Sorsha's text, but couldn't help but smile. She stared down at the picture, admiring Cassian's arms. And his smile. And his hair.

She hadn't expected to enjoy working in the kitchen with him so much, but she had. In fact, everything between them so far had gone swimmingly. In some ways it seemed too good to be true. After all, it had only been three weeks. It was barely enough time to know someone. But what she did know, she liked. Very much.

Lord, she needed to figure out what she wanted out of this. Because, just as Sorsha had said, a man who talks about the future of a relationship (and tells his mother about you!), all without trying to talk his way into your bed, is surely in it for the long haul. And even if she decided that she wasn't ready for something serious, she already cared about him enough that she didn't want to hurt him. So she had to choose _soon_.

Fuck it all.

~ ~ ~

“You have the look of a man on a mission,” Mel said to Cassian as he worked on his breakfast pastry fillings. “Do you think you can manage to bounce back from a few rough weeks in row? Are pastries the first step in your plan for total domination.”

He grinned, glancing up at the nearby camera. “Absolutely. This week is my time. I can feel it.”

“We'll have to keep a close eye on you, then, shan't we?” Mel replied, before leading her camera-operator on toward another station.

In a sense, Mel was right. He really was on a mission this week—but not to dominate the competition. He wanted to make good on all of Jyn's teaching. Prove to her that it had all been worth her time.

He was a little rushed getting all his fresh pastries onto his serving tray on time, but finished right at the last count. And every one of his pastries looked fantastic.

He glanced back at Jyn's station, where her own display of pastries looked picture perfect. When she met his gaze, he beamed at her and flashed her a quick thumbs-up. She grinned back at him and nodded in approval at his display of pastry. He didn't even need to hear from Paul and Mary to know he'd done well. Jyn's look was enough. Though, he had to admit it was rather pleasant to hear Mary praise his flavors and to hear Paul complement the perfectly flaky texture of his pastry.

Jyn was the only baker to attempt a savory pastry, inspired by the flavors of a croque monsieur, and the risk paid off. Paul and Mary both lavished praise on her pastries. Cassian felt certain she was on track for another Star Baker performance.

Wona had a rough morning, with her dough being under-proved and one of her two varieties of pastry being slightly burned. Jyn and Leia took on the task of cheering her up over lunch. He hoped it would help.

He felt his stomach drop when the technical challenge was announced—“kouign-amann,” a pastry he had never heard of before. But with all of Jyn's training fresh in his mind, he pulled together a pretty good display of the small, buttery, sugar-covered confections. Even so, it was a complete shock to him when the judges chose him as 3rd best out of the remaining eight contestants.

~ ~ ~

Jyn stared in delight at Cassian's open-mouthed surprise at earning such a high spot in the technical challenge. Those challenges had been his Achilles heel since the first week. But not today.

She wanted to run over and give him a big hug as soon as the filming ended for the day, but managed to restrain herself.

Wona had done poorly, again, coming in last. When they went on their usual group-dinner outing, Jyn and Leia once again sat on either side of Wona, trying to cheer her.

“I was so nervous about meeting Ravi's family this week that I totally fucked up on my practicing,” Wona moaned. Jyn had to agree that this particular week probably hadn't been the best time to meet her boyfriend's family for the first time, poor thing.

“I understand completely,” Jyn said, rubbing Wona's back. “It's so hard to stop life from getting in the way of this competition.”

“Or for the competition to stop getting in the way of our lives,” Leia added. “I got my worst score ever on a final exam this term because of this competition. It sucks, but we got ourselves into this mess, and we just have to press forward as well as we can. And at least they liked you, right?”

Wona laughed. “Yeah. They did like me. And I think they'll still like me even if I get myself booted from the show this weekend.”

“Of course they will. And Ravi won't love you any less, either,” Jyn said.

Wona sighed, and smiled. “I know. That man has put up with months of auditions and now a month of competition, and we've only gotten closer. He thinks I'm worth it. There are days I still have trouble believing that, but he does.”

“He sounds like one of the good ones,” Leia said.

“He is. He really, really is,” Wona replied.

As they spoke, Jyn found her eyes instinctively turning to where Cassian sat chatting with Baze and Ruescott at the other end of the table. As if he could sense her eyes on him, Cassian looked back at her, his smile growing even warmer than before. Jyn was inclined to think that Cassian was one of the good ones, too.

Later in the evening, as they walked back to the hotel together, Bodhi caught her and pulled her aside. “You did good this morning,” she said. “If your puff-pastry is as good as your breakfast pastry, this might be your week for Star Baker.”

“Maybe.” He grinned. “If I do everything perfect and the rest of you all fuck up, I might pull it off.”

“Don't be so hard on yourself.” She swatted playfully at his arm. “You're every bit as good as the rest of us. You belong here.”

“Thanks,” he said, smiling, but still not looking totally convinced. “Just so you know, you and Cassian have been going a little heavy on the heart-eyes today. If you really want to keep your thing a secret, you might want to tone it down a bit.”

Jyn squeezed her lips together and huffed. They'd still been following all the rules this weekend, but the way they looked at each other was still giving them away? “I'm starting to wonder if this is an impossible task.”

“Only if you both stay in the competition. If you throw it on purpose, then your secret is safe from the world,” Bodhi teased.

“And your chances of winning go up. Hah,” she replied. “You're only trying to get rid of some of your top competition. Not likely.”

“Had to try.” He grinned. Then he leaned in and lowered his voice. “And while we're on the topic of secrets, I have one for you.”

She raised her brows. “What is it?”

“Luke is coming to London for two days this week to see me. But we're not telling Leia, or she'll never give us any peace.”

Jyn smiled and shook her head. “God—you two are getting devious about this! You must really like him.”

“I do.” Bodhi wore a giddy smile. “He's younger than I usually go for, but there's just something about him.” He shook his head. “I don't know what I'm doing. We've still only seen each other the one day, but we've talked or texted every day since. He's coming out to see if the sparks fly again, and if they do we might give this thing a real go.”

“Well good luck and best wishes to you both,” she replied. It seemed that there was budding romance all around her—Wona, Bodhi, and then her and Cassian. There must've been something in the air.

She managed one more lingering exchange of glances with Cassian in the hotel lobby before they parted ways for the night. Was this thing with him just part of the excitement of the competition and all the new things happening in her life? She wanted to believe it was more than that, but the crazy bustle of being on the show had turned her whole life upside down. It was hard to sort her feelings out. But she wasn't about to throw the competition just so she could figure out her relationship. She'd have to forge ahead and hope for the best.

~ ~ ~

The flurry of work creating his puff-pastry canapes overtook all other thoughts Cassian might have had as he focused on re-creating all the techniques Jyn had taught him. This was his best week yet in the competition, and he was determined to keep it going.

It wasn't until his pastries were all in the oven that he paused to take a few breaths and glanced over at Jyn. She was still intently focused on her work, and didn't notice him looking. He didn't mind. He loved the look of determination on her face—like she was ready to take on the world and conquer it all.

She'd mentioned to him at breakfast that she thought they might be looking at each other a bit too much this week, but he couldn't help it.

“As a casual observer, I can't help but wonder if you've developed a bit of a crush on Jyn over there.”

He turned, blinking in surprise, to find Sue standing beside him. He hadn't even noticed her walk up. Fortunately, her camera-operator was finishing a shot of Baze's pastries, and hadn't followed, yet. But the mics they wore were on constantly when they were in the competition tent. He had to watch his words.

He cleared his throat and shrugged. “Who knows?”

Sue nodded slowly and give him an exaggerated wink. “Gotcha.” A second later, her camera-operator arrived. “So, how are those canapes looking? Are they rising properly?”

He had never been more relieved about a change of subject as he was right then.

~ ~ ~

Even with the warm pride still glowing in her chest from the praise she received from Paul and Mary for her canapes, Jyn still stood holding her breath while Cassian carried his pastries forward for judgment.

“You have a good rise, and look at those wonderful layers,” Mary commented. “And those fresh fruits are so prettily arranged. A very nice display.”

Jyn let out her breath. She knew from personal experience that they tasted even better than they looked. A sentiment that was confirmed moments later by the smile of pleasure on Paul's face the instant he bit into the blackberry crème brulee tart.

“Now this,” said Paul, just after swallowing, “is something special. The balance of flavors is perfect. Biting through the caramel was a bit tricky, but it was worth it for that flavor. Well done.”

Cassian's other two flavors received equally high compliments.

Jyn felt as giddy as if she'd baked them herself.

She was so pleased that during the break before the final judging segment, she sidled over to him with a grin. “You did so well! I'm so proud of you!”

Cassian grinned and chuckled. “Thanks, coach.”

She could only roll her eyes and shake her head, but she kept on smiling.

Fifteen minutes later, as they all sat in a row on their stools, she smiled even harder at the look of utter astonishment on his face when Sue declared him this week's Star Baker. She was so delighted that it took her a few moments to realize that Mel had announced that Wona would be going home.

This was the first of Jyn's new good friends to be eliminated, and it felt like a slap in the face. She joined Leia and Bodhi in offering a huge group hug to Wona, and insisted that she and Ravi had to come spend a weekend at one of the lovely inns in Scarif so that they could all hang out together. During the evening talking-head interviews, Jyn nearly came to tears.

“It's going to get harder from here on out,” she said to the producer sitting beside the camera. “We've all gotten so close with each other, and everyone here is so good. Every week going forward is going to be even more of a struggle.”

And it was true. Orson was the only competitor left that she didn't care for. Leia, Bodhi, and Baze had all become good friends. And she had grown rather fond of Ruescott, as well. And then, of course, there was Cassian.

She didn't mind one bit when, still in the hotel parking lot, he kissed her as soon as they were both in his car.

“You are the best teacher, and the best girlfriend, in the entire world,” he declared, beaming at her.

Lord he was beautiful, and his use of the word “girlfriend” made her heart leap. In that moment, every instinct inside of her told her that yes, this was the real thing. She wanted this relationship to continue, no matter what happened in the competition.

It took her half the drive to work up the nerve, but finally she said, “So, I've been thinking about what we talked about last week. You know, about the direction of this relationship?”

“Yeah?” he glanced at her, sounding a tinge anxious. “You have?”

“I have. And I was thinking that I would like to keep this going, regardless of what happens in the competition. What do you think about that?” Her stomach buzzed with nerves, and she stared down at her hands as she spoke.

After a moment of silence, she glanced up to see him beaming at her, his eyes shining. “I think I've been thinking that exact thing for more than two weeks but didn't want to make you nervous by saying

it.”

Jyn froze for a moment as the absurdity of her nervousness washed over her. Of course this was how he felt. He'd done everything in the world to show her that, short of stating it outright. She never should have been anxious about it. She laughed a little. “Okay. Good. And—you're not still seeing other people, are you?” She wished she could take back her words almost as soon as she said them, but apparently her paranoia ran deeper than she could entirely control.

“Of course not,” he replied. “Are you wanting to see other people?” He asked, scrunching up his forehead in an adorably concerned way.

She smiled and shook her head. “No. Of course not. I just wanted to be sure.”

“Good.” He gave her a serious look. “You can trust me, Jyn. I want you to trust me.”

“I want to trust you, too,” she said, and she meant it.

Maybe she was rushing into this thing. She still didn't know him all that well, yet. But God, she wanted to.

~ ~ ~

Cassian was on top of the world. First, the shock of winning Star Baker, and then Jyn's frank declaration that she wanted this to give the relationship a serious try. It was the best day he'd had in ages—and he'd been having some pretty good ones since meeting Jyn.

She invited him into her house to celebrate his success with some wine, but before their glasses were even half empty they'd been abandoned for a very different kind of celebrating.

She lay beneath him on the sofa, one of her legs wrapped around his waist, and one of her hands caressing the skin of his lower back after sliding beneath his shirt as she kissed him like she wanted to devour him.

He'd been in no rush to have sex with Jyn—if things played out as he hoped, they'd have plenty of time in the coming months (or years). No need to hurry.

But fuck. The way she was grabbing him like she couldn't get enough was making all his inhibitions fall away. He wanted this. He wanted _her._

He ground against her with his hips, and delighted in the soft, warm skin of her belly as he ran his hand up under her shirt to caress her breasts. She gasped against his lips and broke the kiss.

He hesitated. Was he pushing things too fast for her?

Her lips curved in a teasing smile, and her eyes twinkled as she squirmed to reach one of her hands behind her back. Her bra suddenly felt loose beneath his hand—she'd unhooked it.

“That should make it easier for you,” she said, her voice breathy and eager.

Fuck he wanted to see her come. He wanted it more than anything.

He captured her lips again, and cupped his hand over her bare breast. She arched into his touch, and moaned into his mouth.

Fuuuck.

~ ~ ~

Jyn hadn't intended to take things so far, tonight. But with his erection pushing against her thigh and his thumb toying with her nipple and his tongue filling her mouth, all she wanted was more.

When he slid his hand back down her belly and dipped his fingers inside her jeans, she gasped in anticipation.

He hesitated. “Do you want me to stop?” he murmured, meeting her eyes with an earnest gaze that made the fire in her core blaze even hotter. She felt bold and wanton.

She shifted one of her hands and opened the button on her jeans, then tugged down the zipper. “Keep going.”

His eyes blazed and his lips curved into a hungry smile that sent thrills down her spine. She reached up to comb her fingers through his hair and dragged him down for another kiss.

His hand traveled further downward, burrowing inside her panties to reach her wet center.

Ripples of pleasure surged through her as he moved his fingers in a confident rhythm, and she moaned and writhed against him. All thoughts fled her mind except _Cassian, Cassian, Cassian_.

Pleasure coiled inside of her, twisting, the tension building. “Fuck—Cassian—oh fuck,” she moaned into his ear.

Without warning his free hand pushed her shirt up, and he ducked his head to pull one of her nipples between his lips, lapping it with his tongue.

The tension inside her coiled even tighter, and wordless sounds of pleasure escaped her, completely beyond her control. He shifted the angle of his hand ever so slightly, rubbing against her in a way that overwhelmed her.

The tension exploded inside of her. She cried out, clenching up and then trembling in his arms, rocking against him to eke out every last drop of pleasure.

A minute later her breathing calmed and her vision cleared. She looked up at him—at the delight in his eyes—and he'd never looked more beautiful.

She wasn't done with him.

“Up,” she commanded.

He blinked in surprise, and sat up, taking his weight off of her.

She felt herself grinning as she scrambled to pull her leg out from behind him and tumbled to her knees on the floor beside the sofa. “Sit.”

“Jyn?” He said her name with a note of awe.

“Sit,” she commanded again, reaching for his waistband.

He didn't protest again, and settled on the sofa in front of her while she made quick work of his button and zipper, and then reached in to free his erection.

The sound he made when she touched him sent a fresh shock of pleasure through her—and the sound that he made when she pulled his erection into her mouth was even better.

It had been a long time, but she remembered exactly how to do this.

She teased him with her lips and her tongue, savoring every groan of pleasure, and then sucked him deep into her mouth.

He gripped her hair as she did her work. His groans were low and strained, from deep in his gut, and with every sound he made and every time he tugged her hair in response to her movement, her own pleasure swelled.

It didn't take long for him to reach his peak, letting out a long moan, his whole body tensing as he lost control. Aftershocks of pleasure rolled through her body at the same time. Then, they both fell still.

With a deep breath she sank back onto her heels. She grabbed her glass of wine from the nearby side table and washed down the taste, then licked her lips and looked up at him.

His head lay back against the back of the sofa, his eyes closed, a look of bliss on his face. He looked thoroughly wrecked, and it was wonderful.

She tugged her shirt straight and buttoned her jeans before climbing back up on the sofa beside him to brush his fringe back from his face. He smiled for a moment before opening his eyes and meeting her gaze. He chuckled softly. “Wow.”

She laughed. “Yeah. That was pretty fun.”

He took her hand and held it against his heart. She could feel it pounding. “Fun is an understatement.” Then he raised her hand to his lips, and kissed it.

A little thrill ran through her. Even after all they'd done, he still found a way to make her feel adored.

“The perfect way to end the perfect day,” she murmured.

“Jyn, I...” His words trailed off, but his look was intense.

“What?”

He swallowed, his eyes shifting a little. “I'm happy. I'm very happy when I'm with you.”

Her heart leaped. She leaned against him, nuzzling into the curve from his shoulder to his neck. “I'm happy with you, too.” She felt so open and vulnerable that it frightened her a little.

Being vulnerable with him meant that he could hurt her.

She squeezed her eyes shut and pushed away the thought. _Not now. Right now I just want to be happy._

~ ~ ~

Cassian rubbed a little cool water over his face in the bathroom, after cleaning himself up.

He hadn't expected anything like this to happen tonight. He'd been so overwhelmed by the wave of emotions that he'd almost told her the truth—he almost told her that he loved her.

He could still see enough anxiety and hesitation in some of her movements and expressions to know that she wasn't ready to hear that. Not yet.

But she _was_ ready to commit to this relationship. That was a huge step. Everything about today was a huge step. But he couldn't get ahead of himself—couldn't push her farther than she was ready to travel.

He went back out to the living room.

They worked out plans to see each other again for their regular Wednesday date, and he left her with a soft, tender kiss goodnight.

After getting ready for bed, he made his regular call to his mama.

“So, how did it go?” she asked.

He rubbed his face and smiled. There were some things his mother really didn't need to know. “Really well,” he said. “Jyn said she's ready to commit to this relationship—I didn't even ask. She just said it. I really, really love her. I know she's the one. I know it. Oh, and I got Star Baker.”

Mama's only response was to laugh.

~ ~ ~

Jyn could hardly believe how impulsive and reckless she'd been. What was it about Cassian that brought this out in her? Even since meeting him she'd made one impulsive choice after another, and she couldn't seem to stop.

All of her careful plans for her life felt unsettled and tipped on their side. He hadn't erased any of her plans, but some of them felt altered in ways that she'd never expected, and they hadn't yet solidified into their new forms.

She looked at the picture of her parents on her nightstand, from back when they were still young and healthy and happy. She wondered if they were looking down on her now, happy for her. Or if, instead, were they worried for her?

Jyn wanted to believe that she'd grown as a person. That she was a far better judge of character now than she had been when she was twenty and grieving.

But what if lust had addled her brain so completely that she wasn't thinking rationally anymore? How could she be sure that this wasn't a mistake?

She lay awake for a long time, the multitude of “what-ifs” rattling in her brain.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The signature bake was inspired by series 7 ep 5; the technical challenge was inspired by series 5 ep 7; and the showstopper was inspired by series 4 ep 7. I hope to keep updating once a month *fingers crossed* but life sometimes happens, so don't hold me to it. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!


	6. Week 6: Desserts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a 6 month hiatus, I'm bringing this story back! And I have the next update almost finished. I'm hoping to stay at least a half a chapter ahead of myself when I publish, to keep updates more regular again. I love this story, and I fully intend to finish it before the year is out. Hopefully sooner.
> 
> This chapter is a sort of "calm before the storm," but I hope you enjoy it even if it is a little low-key. Thanks for reading!

Jyn gave Sorsha a tight hug before they both settled into their chairs at Chewie's pub. “Thank God you could make it today,” Jyn said. “I'm a complete mess. I hardly slept last night.”

Sorsha's eyes narrowed. “So... is something going wrong with the competition, or with your new boyfriend? It's got to be one or the other.”

Jyn sighed. She didn't even know how to put her feelings into words. “Nothing's wrong. Not really. I'm just confused. And anxious. And paranoid. And I need you to talk some sense back into me.”

Sorsha sat a little straighter and nodded. “I'll do what I can. But first you need to tell me what the hell is going on with you.”

Yes. Jyn needed to talk this through. “Okay. I did well in the competition this week, and so did Cassian. And at some point over this past week I decided that I do want to get serious about our relationship, and last night I told him so.”

Sorsha's eyebrows rose and she nodded slowly. “That is a pretty big fucking step for you. No wonder you're rattled.”

“Yes. Yes.” Jyn took a short breath. “And then we had sex.”

Sorsha's jaw dropped and she waved her hands in excitement. “It finally happened! I'm so thrilled for you, darling!” Then her expression shifted. “But you don't look happy about this. Why don't you look happy about this? Was he rough with you? Did he push you into it? If he did, I swear to God—”

“No, no. Nothing like that,” Jyn cut her friend off. As much as she appreciated having a friend who would gladly kick ass for her, that wasn't called for at the moment. She took a deep breath and glanced down at her hands. “If anything, I was the one who pushed things along.” She shook her head. “I don't know what's come over me. Ever since I met him, this impulsive side of me has come out that scares me a little. I'm supposed to be the careful one, and instead I keep pushing things past every line I try to set for myself. I feel like we rushed into this, but I've no one to blame but myself, because I did all the rushing.”

They fell quiet for a moment as the waitress brought them their lunch, and Sorsha eyed her thoughtfully. “Jyn, now, I don't want you to freak out. Do you promise not to freak out?”

Jyn clenched her fork and glared at Sorsha. “How do I know whether or not I'm going to freak out when I have no idea what you're going to say?”

Sorsha huffed. “Fine. But I warned you. Have you considered that the reason you're getting so impulsive, and rushing things so much, is because you might have serious feelings for him?”

Jyn felt a lurch in her stomach. But she couldn't say no. “I...well, I mean, I might...maybe I do. But that's the problem. It's all happening so fast—just like with Bob. I can't make another mistake. I _can't._ I need to be sure that this is right. But now that I've moved things so far, so fast, I don't know yet. I don't know if he's really the man I hope he is. I don't, but I've rushed into this anyway, and feel like I can't back out, now, we've already come so far. And I don't want to back out. But maybe I should. I don't know what to do. I don't know...” Her chest felt tight and achy, and her heart raced. Her head spun with dizziness, and nausea welled in her throat. Fuck. She closed her eyes and shook her head, willing the feeling to go away.

“Jyn? Jyn?” Sorsha's voice sounded faint, as if it came from a great distance away.

Jyn only shook her head again and tried to focus on her breathing—slow and deep in, pause, slow and deep out, five times in a row—just like her therapist had taught her.

The nausea and dizziness subsided, and the tension in her chest began to ease. She opened her eyes again and looked up to see Sorsha's concerned gaze. “Do you need me to take you home?” she asked quietly.

Jyn shook her head and blinked back the tears welling in her eyes. “I'll be alright. I need few minutes to pull myself back together. And a drink of cold water.” She took a few more deep breaths. Fuck. Why now? Why?

After a drink of water, she said, “I'm feeling better. Really. I'm fine.”

Sorsha squeezed her lips into a think line before speaking. “I didn't know you were still having panic attacks. Do you have some Xanax in your purse?”

Jyn shook her head. “I have a few at home, but I gave up carrying them. This is my first one in more than a year. I thought they'd stopped. That's why I quit seeing Dr. Artie. I thought I was past all this. Apparently I was wrong.” God, would the aftereffects of Bob never be gone? She groaned and pushed her now slightly sweat damp fringe back from her face. “Why fucking now? Right when I can least afford to deal with this shit.”

“I think you just answered your own question, love,” Sorsha said. And she was right.

Jyn sighed. “The stress of the competition and now getting into a new relationship. I should have guessed this would stir up some of this anxiety nonsense. Fuck it all. I thought I'd grown out of this.”

“It's a process. You know that.” Sorsha gave her a pointed look. “Maybe you should give Dr. Artie a ring and see if he can squeeze you in for a session or three this month.”

Damn it. “I don't have time for this,” Jyn grumbled. Her life was busy enough without trying to make time for therapy sessions.

“Maybe you should make the time. The competition won't mean shit if you don't take care of yourself. Your well-being needs to come first.”

She knew that. Rationally, she knew that. But her life didn't feel particularly rational at the moment. “I'll look into it,” she said, though she didn't fully mean it.

Sorsha looked skeptical, but didn't call her on it. Instead, she said, “Have you told Cassian about your anxiety?”

Jyn shook her head furiously. Not even Saw or Chewie knew about the panic attacks. Sorsha was the only one she'd told, and she'd intended to keep it that way. She didn't want anyone treating her differently. She was strong enough to handle things on her own. Maybe.

“Fuck,” she murmured. “Do I have to tell him? I do, don't I?”

Sorsha cocked her head and nodded. “If you truly want to be serious about this relationship, you probably have to. Especially if the process of getting serious is liable to trigger more of these attacks.”

“Fuck,” Jyn groaned again. “Maybe the timing just isn't right. Maybe I'm not ready for this, and this is my body's way of telling me.”

“I think that's bullshit. You're scared, which is fine. It's okay to be scared. But you have real feelings for Cassian—that much is fucking obvious. Running from them isn't the answer.” Sorsha held her gaze steady.

Jyn took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. Okay.” She swallowed hard. “So I talk to him about the anxiety, and maybe ask to slow things back down.” She nibbled on her bottom lip. “What if he doesn't like the idea of slowing down?”

“Then you have your answer,” Sorsha said calmly. “You'll know for sure he's not the one, and you can start moving on. Yeah?”

“Yeah.” The very thought of Cassian suddenly turning into a controlling asshole made her chest ache again. God, she really hoped she hadn't made another mistake with him. But if she had, at least she was in the position to fix it quickly. “You're right. It's the only way to ease my fears. I have to talk to him about all this and see how he reacts. And then I'll know.”

“And then you'll know.” Sorsha nodded slowly.

~ ~ ~

Cassian couldn't stop smiling. Not even when his practice bake over his long lunch failed miserably. Instead he snapped a selfie of himself with his almost-burned sponge and slightly runny crème patisserie and texted it to Jyn. _Having an amazing day. How about you?_

It didn't take her long to respond. _Good lord is that supposed to be your trifle? wtf_

He chuckled as he texted her back. _Don't worry. It'll be perfect by the weekend_

_Like this?_ She replied, followed by a picture of a beautiful blackberry trifle sitting on her counter.

Good for her. Things had moved a lot faster than he'd expected last night, and he was glad it hadn't rattled her or interfered with her practicing.

The week continued smoothly with his practice bakes steadily improving, and a steady stream of text conversations with Jyn keeping him chipper. They couldn't work out a time to get together on Monday or Tuesday, so by the time their Wednesday date rolled around he was jittery with excitement to see her again.

When he went to pick her up, his heart leaped the moment she opened the door and smiled at him.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her—a two and a half day wait had been more than enough.

Though she kissed him back with equal enthusiasm, there was a tension in her body that hadn't been there Sunday night.

When the kiss ended he looked down at her searchingly. “Hey—is everything okay?”

Her answering smile was bright. “Yes. Of course it is. So what do you have in mind for tonight?”

He pushed his worries aside and led her back to his car to start their evening. Both of them were getting so worn out from the stress of the competition that he suggested keeping things simple—a quick dinner at Chewie's and then a trip to the cinema to watch the latest superhero film. Jyn readily agreed.

When they were halfway through their dinner, Chewie ambled over with his usual warm greetings to chat about their progress in the competition. After a few minutes of catching up, he rocked on his heels and gave them a look. Cassian thought he knew what was coming.

“So,” said Chewie. “You two have been spending a lot of time together this past month, haven't you?”

Cassian smiled. Yes. This was exactly what he'd expected. “We have, yes.”

Chewie nodded and drummed his fingers on his round belly. “Well. Well. It's nice that you're getting along so well, isn't it?”

Jyn rolled her eyes and sighed. “Chewie—it occurs to me that I have neglected to mention to you that Cassian and I have been on several dates now. And things are going well.”

Cassian chuckled quietly as Chewie's face lit up with a broad grin. “Well—that's wonderful news! Excellent. Best news I've had in ages. Looks like I wasn't off the mark this time around, eh? Sixth time's the charm.”

Jyn smiled and shook her head at him. “Apparently. Thank you for the encouragement.”

“Not at all, not all.” Chewie said. “Now, uh, I ought to leave you to your date.” He wagged his eyebrows before backing away, earning another chuckle from Cassian.

Jyn shook her head with a smile after Chewie left. “He's never going to let me hear the end of this. And he's going to take all the credit.”

Cassian didn't mind one bit. They might have found their way to each other no matter what, but Chewie's involvement had certainly hastened the process, and he wasn't going to complain.

The film was as thrilling and fun as expected, and it was nice having someone to cuddle while he watched. Jyn had seemed to enjoy it just as much as he had, but the strange tension seemed to come back as they drove up to her house.

“Is everything okay?” he asked again they walked toward the front door together.

“Yes. I...well...there is one thing we need to talk about,” she said.

“Sure. Of course. What is it?”

“Let's, uh, go sit down first,” she said.

She seemed so serious all of a sudden. He hoped nothing was amiss.

They sat on her sofa, and he took her hand and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. “So, what's on your mind?”

Worry stirred inside of him when she looked down at their joined hands and took a deep breath. Then she spoke. “I know this makes me sound like a terrible hypocrite considering how enthusiastic I was about our activities Sunday night, but... I feel like we might be rushing things a little, on the physical side of this relationship. I'm just...”

“Hey, hey,” he said, cutting her off. So this was what was bothering her. This one was easy. “It's okay.” He reached forward and put a finger under her chin, urging her to look up and meet his eyes. “Jyn. If you feel rushed, we'll slow back down. Okay?”

Her eyes widened slightly. “You... don't mind?”

How long had she been anxious about this? Damn it. He didn't want her to be afraid to set boundaries with him. “As fun as Sunday was, that's not why I'm with you. It's not. I'm with you because I think you're an amazing person, and I love spending time with you, no matter what we're doing. Okay? I'm fine. And please, don't be afraid to share your needs with me. Please.”

She smiled. “Okay.” Her voice was still soft and timid, but she looked as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Thank God.

“So we're good, yeah?” he asked.

She sat a little taller and beamed at him. “We're good. We're perfect.”

~ ~ ~

Jyn felt as if she'd stewed in worry for three days for nothing, but at the same time relief and happiness coursed through her veins as she kissed Cassian goodnight at her door. Of course he was fine. Of course he respected her needs above anything. And he loved spending time with her. God, it felt amazing to hear that.

So what if she hadn't actually gotten around to telling him about the anxiety? She'd managed this conversation just fine without any signs of a panic attack. The one on Monday must have been a fluke. And just in case, she'd start carrying Xanax again. Cassian didn't need all the gory details of her anxiety or the things Bob had done to her to trigger the anxiety in the first place. That was the past. She left it behind, and she didn't want to look back.

A warm lightness filled her as she got ready for bed. Cassian was just so... She didn't know how to put words to it. But Sorsha was right. Her feelings for Cassian were getting very serious.

None of this fit into her life plans, but maybe that meant it was time for the plans to change.

~ ~ ~

Jyn took a long drink of water in the break area outside the tent while the production team bustled inside tidying things up and taking beauty shots of all the completed trifles. Hers turned out as perfect as she could have hoped, and, much to her relief, Cassian's crème pat set perfectly and his sponge looked very good as well.

She sidled up to Bodhi. “So, how did the big visit with Luke go?” she said softly, so as to not be heard by Leia, who stood chatting with Cassian and Baze on the other side of the break area.

The grin on Bodhi's face was almost answer enough. “It was pretty amazing,” he said, sounding slightly giddy. “The sparks are definitely still there. And the fact that he'll finally turn twenty next week is helping me get over that skeevy feeling about dating a teenager, you know?”

Jyn shook her head. “Everyone who knows you can tell that you would never try to take advantage of a younger man. That's not even a consideration.”

Bodhi shrugged his shoulders. “His parents might consider it, when he tells them. But, uh, we're going to give it a few more weeks and one more visit before we decide whether or not to go public. I'm going to see him in Germany in three weeks.”

“That is wonderful news. I'm thrilled for you,” she said.

Bodhi grinned again. “Thanks. And, uh, based on the way you and Cassian are still making heart-eyes at each other, I guess things are still going pretty well for you, too?”

“Yeah. We talked about it, and decided that we want to give this thing a serious try, no matter what happens in the competition. So I guess we're officially a couple.” She beamed at the thought.

“Good on you. Still trying to keep it a secret, though?” He raised his eyebrows in question.

“Trying. At least from the production team. I don't need that kind of hassle in my life, you know?”

“Believe me, I get it,” he replied.

~ ~ ~

Cassian's trifle got decent comments, but he came in near the bottom in the technical with his crème caramel. Fortunately, once again, his showstopper turned out fantastic. Today they were making three-tiered cheesecakes. All of his cakes set perfectly, and his decoration came together without a hitch. This time both he and Jyn went with fruit flavors and decorations. Great minds think alike.

After getting positive feedback from Paul and Mary, he felt confident that he was in no danger of leaving, but neither was he in contention for Star Baker.

In the end, Leia took the Star Baker prize and Ruescott was the one to be eliminated.

Bodhi insisted on buying everyone a celebratory drink in the hotel bar to toast Leia's win before leaving for the night. In the middle of all the revelry, Cassian was surprised when Baze stepped up beside him and spoke in a low voice, “How are things going between you and Jyn?”

“I...what?” Cassian fumbled for words.

Baze laughed and shook his head. “I'm not the only one who's noticed how you two look at each other, but since you seem to be keeping things quiet, I thought I'd warn you that I got a pretty good view of the background picture on your phone at lunch today. You might want to change it to something else.”

Cassian's jaw dropped. He'd made the picture of him and Jyn together his phone background a few days ago without thinking about it. So much for secrecy. “Yeah. Thanks. We, uh, are trying to keep things quiet, so I appreciate you pointing out my mistake.”

Baze nodded. “You're welcome. Why the secrecy? You seem a good match—why hide it?”

Cassian lowered his voice and shrugged. “Jyn's worried about too much making it on camera. She doesn't want our relationship to take the focus off of our baking.”

“Huh. I suppose that makes sense. Still, all the sneaking and secrecy can't be easy on your relationship. I should know. Things weren't so good for gay couples when Chirrut and I were first together. We had to keep things secret from everyone but our closest friends for most of a decade. It was...difficult.” His gaze was distant, and Cassian couldn't imagine what kind of prejudice Baze must have come up against.

Baze took a breath and met his gaze. “Take it as some friendly advice. If you don't have to put that kind of strain on your relationship, you shouldn't. It's not worth it.”

Cassian nodded slowly. “Thanks. I'll give that some thought.”

Baze patted his shoulder and offered him a gentle smile before moving on to say goodbye to Ruescott.

On the drive home, Cassian brought up the conversation to Jyn. “So, Baze knows about us.”

“Really? You told him?” Jyn asked.

Cassian laughed sheepishly. “Not exactly.” When he told her about the picture on his phone, she gaped at him and swatted his arm.

“I can't believe you!” Thankfully her tone was light, and she was still smiling. She shook her head. “Well—I suppose I need to confess that Bodhi knows, too.”

“He does? When did this happen?” Bodhi had given no signs that he'd caught on.

“This one's on me,” Jyn confessed. “Two weeks ago when I got tipsy that Saturday night, I blurted something out to him. But he promised to keep our secret and he's been a man of his word.”

Cassian laughed. “Two weeks ago? Now I don't feel so bad about the picture.”

When he dropped her off, it was hard to say goodnight. He was determined to respect her needs, but a part of him could hardly wait until her feelings caught up to his and they could just be together without all the worry. He almost wished they would be off the show soon, so they could eliminate that stress and complication from their lives. Baze was right—the secrecy was wearing on him. At the same time, he wasn't about to quit trying, nor did he want Jyn to. Her terrible ex had pulled her away from all the things that made her happy. Cassian would never do anything like that.

So, once again, he headed home alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Signature bake is inspired by series 4 ep 3, the Technical by series 3 ep 4, and the Showstopper by series 6 ep 4.


	7. Week 7: Savory Bakes, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This "week" turned into a massive chapter, so I've had to split it up. I'm still working on the part 2, but this section is ready to go, so here it is.

 

Jyn hadn't been this happy in years. Every time a text alert chimed on her phone her heart started to race again. She'd forgotten that being in a relationship could actually be fun! That it could be like making a new good friend that you also got to kiss—and do other things.

Before meeting Cassian, when she had high hopes for a student or made a fun change in her garden or tried out a new recipe or found a great new song to love, she'd wanted to share them with Sorsha or Chewie, or, occasionally, Saw, or even some of her students and their parents. Now, Cassian was always the first person she thought of. She texted him a picture of her favorite rose coming into bloom in her garden, and he actually seemed interested. When she talked to him about her normal daily activities, he cared!

Though her mother died when she was young, she still had memories of the easy companionship her parents had shared, and had seen it as something to aspire to. But this relationship with Cassian was giving her the first taste of that sort of partnership, and she wanted more. And not just the friendship.

Cassian's respectful and supportive reaction to her request to slow things back down had been more perfect than she ever could have expected. But, Monday night, Jyn had to admit to herself that she was feeling more than a little lusty.

Cassian had proven himself to her, and she'd had more time to get mentally ready to move forward in their physical relationship. Would it really be so bad to text him and see if wanted to come over for the night? She waffled about whether or not to send the text (God, was she really so horny that she was ready to send a booty-text?) all during her Monday night classes. There were a few embarrassing moments when she almost lost track of what she was doing with her students.

After the final class ended and she'd finished cleaning up the studio, her phone chimed again. With a grin on her face she picked it up to find a selfie of Cassian with a beautiful platter of practice vol-au-vents behind him. A follow up text said, _Great practice. Nailed it. Now I need sleep. Lots of sleep. Talk to you tomorrow,_ followed by a thumbs up and a heart emoji.

Good Lord he was adorable. But a booty-text might not be on the table for tonight.

“So, are you ready to tell me about why you keep checking your phone with a grin on your face every time you get a chance, and doing a piss poor job of guiding your classes tonight?”

Jyn jumped in surprise at the sound of Saw's voice from right behind her shoulder.

“See?” he said. “You didn't even notice me approaching you're so wrapped up in your messages. What has you so distracted?”

“I...” Even after all these years, Saw could be very intimidating. Especially when he was glaring at her like this. “I apologize for being so distracted. I should have waited until all the classes were over before checking my phone.”

He folded his arms across his chest. “Yes. You should have.”

She nodded. Though her uncle was usually a man of few words, a little more explanation seemed in order. She needed to tell him sooner or later, after all. “You see, I've started dating someone. His name is Cassian Andor, and he is a robotics engineer who lives in Yavinshire. We've been seeing each other for about five weeks, and we recently agreed to get serious about our relationship. So you'll probably be seeing him around, at some point.”

“Hmm.” Saw tilted his head. “Well, it was bound to happen at some point. Is he treating you well?”

“Yes,” Jyn said quickly. “Very well. He's very respectful of my needs and my boundaries, and he's very supportive of all my choices and interests. He's a good man. And I like him very much.”

Saw grunted and gave a curt nod. “If he causes you any trouble, call me. And if you're together another month, then it's probably serious enough for me to meet him. Let me know when the time comes. In the meantime, don't let this distract you from your work anymore. You're already stretched thin from this baking nonsense. Got it?”

“Yes. I understand.”

He nodded and headed back toward his office. That was how conversations with Saw usually ended—with him abruptly leaving. Her uncle was never much for pleasantries or small talk.

However, he had succeeded in putting a damper on any last thoughts of contacting Cassian for the night. She'd have to try to wait out these very intrusive feelings.

~ ~ ~

Cassian's date with Jyn that week was very low key. With the stress of the show still wearing on them, they needed something simple and easy. After a leisurely dinner out they went back to Jyn's place and played video games for a couple of hours. She was just as fiercely competitive at gaming as she was at everything else, and snarled at him every time he managed to kill her avatar.

Eventually, with both of them growing tired, they turned off the games for a little snuggling on the sofa with some soft conversation. It felt like a perfect night, to him. The kind of night he wanted to keep having for years to come. If he hadn't already known he loved her, he would have known it then, by how utterly happy he was to sit with an arm around her, one of her legs draped over his lap, while she chattered on about the kids in her classes who were ready to be contenders in national and international competitions during the coming season.

It didn't matter that he didn't know a damn thing about karate. It was enough to know that she was passionate about it, and about the kids she taught. He'd pick up on the rest eventually.

When she came to the end of summing up the strengths and weaknesses of a 17-year old girl she had particularly high hopes for, she sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. “You're probably bored to tears.”

“Not at all,” he said truthfully. “I like listening to you.”

She tilted her head to beam at him. “And I like talking to you.”

“Good,” he said.

“Good,” she echoed, and then pulled his face a little closer for a kiss. What started as a soft and sweet kiss soon grew heated. God, he loved kissing her. Throbbing desire filled him as she squirmed onto his lap and tugged at his hair. He wanted her...

He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers while cupping her face in his hands. She'd asked to slow things down. He needed to respect that. “I should go, now,” he murmured.

Jyn took a deep breath, but remained silent. After a moment she pulled back and nodded. “Okay. Yeah.”

Yet again, it crossed his mind that being eliminated from the show wouldn't be such a bad thing if it would give them more time to relax together. It was getting harder to say goodbye to her every night. Hopefully, someday in the not too distant future, he wouldn't have to, anymore.

~ ~ ~

Jyn splashed some cool water on her face and groaned. She should have asked him to stay. She'd wanted to—badly. And while the further confirmation of his respect for her was nice, a little sex would have been even nicer. She was ready. She trusted Cassian, and she was ready for a serious relationship. What was she waiting for?

It's not like he would suddenly change personalities once she started sleeping with him. Right?

She stared at her reflection in the mirror. It was time to let go of her fears and paranoia. Let the past stay in the past. She was ready for this. Tomorrow she'd pull herself together and work up the nerve to ask him over for the night.

It crossed her mind that getting eliminated from the bake off would solve so many of their problems. It was the stress of the competition that was getting in the way of really working on this relationship. Maybe if one or both of them didn't have to worry about it anymore...

She shook her head. That was nonsense. She was thinking with her lady-parts rather than her rational brain. She'd worked too hard for too long to slack off for a relationship.

She set the unwanted thought aside and headed for bed.

~ ~ ~

Cassian was in the middle of reviewing a new engineering schematic for the next phase of one of their diagnostic robots when his phone rang, and Jyn's number popped up on his screen. They usually only texted during work hours—he hoped nothing was wrong.

“Hi. What's up?” he asked, answering the phone.

“Hi.” Her voice was a little quiet. “Nothing much.”

He leaned back. Something sounded off. “Are your practice bakes going well today?”

“Yes. Very well. Actually. That's not what I was calling about.” She definitely sounded nervous.

“What are you calling about?”

“I... wanted to ask you stay, last night. I should have asked you to stay.”

Cassian blinked a few times. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” she replied. “I mean—I feel like slowing down was the right thing. I needed that extra time. But now I'm ready to take the next step in our relationship, you know? To start spending the night together. And I wanted to know how you feel about that?”

Robots were suddenly the farthest thing from his mind. All his rational thoughts were replaced by welling excitement. “I... Yes. I feel good about that. I think that would be a good thing.”

He heard a soft chuckle. “Good. I'm glad the feeling is mutual,” she said.

“Very, very mutual,” he replied, glancing at the clock. Only 3 pm, damn it. “So, when were you thinking you might want to take this next step?”

“Would tonight work for you?”

He sat straight up in his chair, his heart racing, and nodded. “Yes. Absolutely. Tonight. What time should I come over?”

“I can be ready by 9:45. That's not too late for you, is it?” Her voice slid into a teasing tone.

“I'm in my thirties—not my sixties,” he replied, rolling his eyes.

“Okay—so, see you at my place at 9:45?”

“I'll be there.”

They said goodbye and he hung up his phone. He leaned back in his chair, grinning. So much for being productive at work, today.

~ ~ ~

Jyn was rushing through the end of day clean up at the studio when Saw met her eyes with a _look_ , and then glanced at some of the sloppily stacked equipment. So much for rushing.

By the time she was finished re-stacking everything and running a mop over the floor, the clock read 9:27. Fuck.

She grabbed her purse and jogged home, working up even more of a sweat than she had at work. She made it home in just under ten minutes. She dropped her purse at the door, kicked off her shoes, and ran straight to the shower. She gave herself a quick scrub, skipping her hair. She'd wash it tomorrow. She'd planned ahead and had condoms in the nightstand drawer. And she'd shaved in the morning, thank God, so she was fit to be seen naked.

Oh God. Her heart started racing. What they'd done a week and a half ago had certainly counted as sex, but they hadn't actually seen each other naked, yet. And she couldn't just answer the door in a towel, could she? Would he like that? Fuck.

She rifled through her underwear drawer and grabbed the newest-looking pair of bikini cut panties that she could find. She'd just tugged them on when she heard a knock at the door. Fuck fuck fuck. She grabbed the baggy grey tee shirt she'd slept in last night and pulled it over her head. It had a hole the size of an eyeball down near the bottom hem, which was why she'd started using it as a sleep-shirt. But it would have to do. She simply didn't feel confident enough to answer the door topless.

As she walked to the door she realized her hair was still up in the messy bun she'd worn to work. She hadn't even brushed it out. Fuck it all. This night was _not_ going according to plan. She should have told him 10 o'clock instead of 9:45.

She took a deep breath, and opened the door.

Cassian stood there looking absolutely luscious in a fitted black tee shirt and jeans, holding a small overnight bag. He grinned at her.

Before he could say a word, Jyn shook her head. “Sorry I'm such a mess. I got out of work a few minutes late and barely had time to shower. Didn't even brush my hair. I didn't even have time to put on something sexy—”

Cassian dropped his bag just inside the door, stepped toward her and cradled her face in both hands before leaning down to kiss her.

Jyn's tension drained away as the kiss deepened and he pulled her closer to his body. The lusty tingle she'd been feeling for days sprang to life as a full-blown fire.

When the kiss ended, he grinned down at her. “You look beautiful.”

“I do?” She beamed up at him.

“Yes. Always.”

She was so ready for this. She nodded in the direction of the bedroom and took his hand. “Come on in.”

The night may have started off as a mess, but soon it was quite the opposite.

She giggled with nervous excitement as they stood beside her bed. She pushed Cassian's shirt up and he finished tugging it off over his head. He had exactly the lean rock-climber's body that she'd imagined. She ran her hands over his chest and around his sides to his back while they kissed, edging a little closer to the bed.

Every kiss, every touch, felt so good and so right.

She giggled again when Cassian reached for the hem of her shirt.

He smiled. “Are you nervous?”

“A little. But more excited,” she said.

“Me too,” he replied, and they both chuckled together.

Still laughing, Jyn reached down and pulled her shirt off over her head, dropping it to the floor.

His eyes darkened as they traveled over her, taking her in, and his hands soon followed. God, she wanted him _so much._

Soon enough his trousers and her panties had been shed and she pulled him down onto the bed beside her to continue her very thorough exploration of the wonderful man she'd chosen.

The heat inside her blazed hotter by the minute, especially when Cassian began his own detailed exploration with his lips, starting at the hollow of her throat and making his way down, and down, and down... _Fuck_ it felt amazing.

She squirmed at the slight tickle when he placed a kiss on her inner thigh, and then he looked up at her with an eager glow in his eyes. “I really want to go down on you,” he said, sending a shiver of desire down her spine. “Can I?”

Fuck, fuck, _fuck._ Asking her permission to do the one thing she'd had to beg Bob to do just a handful of times in all the time they were together? Because no matter how much she liked it, Bob didn't, and back then Bob always got his way.

But Cassian had proved again and again he was nothing like Bob.

She nibbled lightly on her bottom lip to tone down how utterly and overwhelmingly enthusiastic she was about his request, and nodded. “Yeah.”

He grinned and lowered his face between her legs, and Jyn surrendered herself to the flood of pleasure that followed.

~ ~ ~

Cassian finished washing up in the bathroom, feeling sleepy and happy and utterly satisfied. He returned to the bedroom, slid under the covers, and Jyn immediately snuggled up against him. “This was really fantastic,” she murmured.

“Yes. It was.” He kissed her forehead and smiled at her. His gut instinct to love her hadn't been wrong. It had been the most right thing to happen to him in years. “Thank you for asking me to come over. It was the best surprise I've had in a long time.”

She giggled. “It took me hours to work up the courage to call you. I felt so awkward.”

He laughed. “I'm really not that scary, am I?”

“It's not you,” she said, shaking her head. “It's change. I've had too many bad changes in my life. Made me leery of change in general, even when it's the good kind.”

“Is this the good kind?” he teased.

“The best kind.”

“I think so, too,” he murmured back. “This... us... is one of the best things to ever happen to me.” He knew that this was toeing the line of confessing his full feelings to her, but it was time to move in that direction. He was starting to think she might be ready. He held his breath waiting for an answer.

Her eyes flicked down for a few moments while she seemed to be considering her words. “I think it's one of the best things to happen to me, too.”

He let out his breath and his heart leaped in his chest. This was going to work. It was all going to work. “I'm glad we're on the same page, here.”

“Me too,” she murmured, resting her head on his shoulder.

At that moment everything in Cassian's life felt absolutely perfect.

~ ~ ~

Jyn lay awake for some time after Cassian fell asleep. It had been a very long time since she'd shared her bed with someone—it was going to take some getting used to, no matter how welcome he was.

She rolled onto her side and studied his peaceful face in the dim moonlight. She felt happy. A kind of happiness that she'd almost given up on.

She'd begun to believe that she was one of those people who simply couldn't have it all—the career, the ambitions, and the relationship all at once. She'd thought she'd have to spend her life picking and choosing. But Cassian had changed all that.

This felt like the real thing.

Cassian had taken her by surprise, but the more she got to know him, the more she realized how many boxes he really did tick off of her mental list of desirable traits in a romantic partner. And how many unexpectedly fantastic things he brought to the table.

He let out a little sigh and stirred a little before settling into a new position, still completely asleep. She smiled as she watched him, and her heart felt so full it could burst.

Was she in love with him?

The idea was absurd. They'd barely known each other a month and a half. How could she know something like that when they were only still getting to know each other. And yet, the things that she'd been feeling for the past couple of weeks were... powerful. What other name could there be for this, beside love?

No. No—she was not letting her heart get ahead of her rational mind. Not again. Her brain had been addled by the good sex, that was all.

Or had it? Was she in love with him?

That question, so simple and yet so profound, kept her awake for a few restless hours before she finally drifted off to sleep.

~ ~ ~

When Cassian woke in the morning his stirring quickly woke Jyn, as well. Even though she looked like she could use another hour of sleep she insisted on getting up and making him breakfast before he left.

It was just simple toast and sausages, but the bread and jam were both homemade, and he adored that she wanted to look after him. While she was finishing up the sausages, she asked him to go grab her laptop from the desk in her office so she could check the financial markets.

He'd walked past her office a number of times, but this was his first time inside. The computer sat in the middle of a slightly cluttered desk, and an open journal caught his eye.

The pages were a soft lavender color, and they were held open by two smooth stones that she must have picked up on one of her walks. In big, clear capital letters across the top of the right hand page it said: “No looking back. Only forward. In the next five years I will: 1) Coach two or more students to a national championship and high international ranking. 2) Make up for the lost money by earning 8% or more a year in my investments. 3) Refine my recipes and apply for the Bake Off. If accepted, I will become one of the top contenders. 4) Publish a recipe book.”

Cassian smiled. The date in the top corner was almost two years ago. It must have been a mission statement she wrote for herself after pulling her life back together post-breakup. And she was really following through. She told him just this week about a student who was in contention for a national championship, and he remembered her mentioning that she'd averaged close to ten percent returns on her investments for the past two years. As for the Bake Off, she was definitely a top contender.

It was amazing how driven and capable she was. He felt a burst of pride that a woman like her had seen something in him worth taking a chance on.

He picked up her computer and headed back to the kitchen. Jyn sat at the table waiting for him. He set her computer beside her and planted another kiss on her head before taking his seat. “You're really amazing, you know?” he said.

She scrunched her nose a little, looking confused. “It's just toast and sausages.”

“I didn't mean the breakfast—though I'm sure it's great. I just meant _you._ ”

She rolled her eyes a little and shook her head, but said a simple, “Thank you. You're not so bad, yourself.”

~ ~ ~

Jyn had hoped that the morning would bring more clarity to her dilemma from last night.

Unfortunately, it did no such thing. There was an impulse inside of her to embrace the new label for her feelings for Cassian, but the practical and stubborn side of her was pushing back. She'd vowed never to rush into a relationship again, and falling in love in less than two months was definitely rushing things.

No matter how good things seemed right now, she needed to be slow and to be careful before committing her full emotional attachment to this relationship.

But when she was around Cassian, it was increasingly hard to be careful.

After prepping a batch of pastry and sticking it in the refrigerator she decided to go for a run. Maybe the exercise would take her mind off of her emotional dilemma.

She grabbed her wireless headphones and tucked her phone into her jacket pocket and headed out the front door and down the short path to the road. She stopped short at the sight of a tall man leaning casually against the side of a shiny red car.

She froze, her mind going into an instant blind panic.

It was Bob.

_TBC_


	8. Week 7: Savory Bakes, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is ridiculously long. My apologies. There is some content in this chapter that could be triggering for people who have experienced abusive relationships.

Bob stepped forward from his shiny red car and smiled at Jyn—that familiar grin that held so many memories, both good and bad. “Hello, sweetheart. It's been a long time.”

Yes. It had been. And it still should be. What the fuck was he doing here? He wasn't supposed to be here. She hadn't seen him since she watched from the front window as Saw and Chewie handed him her handwritten and tear-stained letter telling him they were over, along with a key to the storage locker where they'd stashed all his belongings and a stack of money to pay him off. She'd changed her phone number, her bank, her locks, and her email and blocked him on her social media. He'd had no way of getting in touch other than sending letters. Which he had, for a few months. She'd read the first few with Dr. Artie, to help her learn and understand how his statements and behaviors were classic tactics of abusers. And then she'd stopped reading the letters. And eventually they'd stopped coming.

She thought that was the end of it. Yet here he was.

Jyn's throat closed up and she took a step back.

Bob straightened up, rising to his full, imposing height. He was as handsome as ever, with the large size and dark features inherited from his Maori mother. But the height she'd once found so very attractive now made her heart race with fear. She cleared her throat. “What are you doing here?”

He grinned even wider and shook his head. “I've missed you, Jyn. Been thinking about you a lot, over the past few years. Life isn't the same without you. And then, the other day, I saw someone on Facebook post that you'd made it onto the Bake Off. Just like you always wanted. I had to come and tell you in person how proud I am of you.” He slowly ambled toward her as he spoke.

Her whole body tensed up, and she took another step back. How dare her take any pride in this? How dare he? “I did this on my own. I worked hard for it. You can't take any credit for this.”

His expression faltered, anger flashing in his eyes. “Oh, don't start in like this, sweetheart. Not after all this time. I didn't come here to fight. I came because I'm happy for you.”

He took another step toward her, and she stumbled back, her heart racing. “You can't be here. You need to leave.”

“Jyn,” he whined, “sweetheart, please. I know I fucked things up, before. I made so many mistakes. But I'm different, now. I've been working on myself—learning to be a better man. So maybe we weren't right together, back then. And lot of it was my fault. I get that. And I'm sorry. More sorry than you can ever know. You were the love of my life, Jyn. I don't expect you to welcome me with open arms, but will you at least sit down for a cuppa and catch up? You owe me that much, don't you?”

It was the same speech he'd given time after time, after he'd spent too much of her money or yelled too loud or gotten too drunk or gotten violent. Her breath came in short gasps, and every instinct in her body told her to run away. But she grabbed onto a small, coherent part of her mind that didn't want to be cowed by him again. That wanted to push back.

“I don't owe you anything.” Her voice sounded thin and strained. Her chest was starting to ache.

“Jyn,” he simpered. “We owe each other. I have a massive heap of wrongs that I need to make up for. I know that. But the way you pitched me out without any warning wasn't exactly fair, now was it? Lets go sit down and talk it out. Come to an understanding about things. Finally get the closure we've both been needing.”

She felt dizzy and faint, while her heart continued to race inside her aching chest. She couldn't fall to pieces in front of him. She _couldn't_.

“Sweetheart,” he whined, and stepped almost close enough to touch her.

No no no. “I can't talk to you. You don't listen. I can't.” She spun around and hurried back to her door.

“Come on, Jyn.” She heard his footsteps on the path behind her. She couldn't look back or she'd vomit.

As quick as she could she wrenched her door open, stepped inside and slammed it shut, turning the bolt just as the knob started to turn.

“Damn it, Jyn!” he yelled from outside. “I came here to make things right!” He pounded on the door.

She could hardly breath. She stumbled back from the door and tripped, falling in heap. He was yelling. She couldn't—she couldn't—

She wrapped her arms around her knees and huddled in a ball, struggling to breathe.

“Sweetheart,” his voice took a pleading turn, “You know what we had was a once in a lifetime love. No one will ever love you the way I did. You know it. Maybe you don't owe me—but you owe _yourself_ a second chance. Come on, sweetheart. Just talk to me for five minutes.”

It was a lie. It had always been a lie. She knew that. She'd been through more than a year of therapy to come to grips with that. And yet she couldn't stop trembling—could barely catch her breath.

Fuck him. Fuck him. Why did she always have to pay for his behavior? Why wasn't he ever the one to suffer?

He continued rambling, in turns demanding and cajoling her to talk to him. After a few minutes he fell quiet.

She managed a few deep breaths, and her trembling stopped, though she still felt nauseous and her throat and chest ached. Was he gone?

After another minute of deep breathing she managed to pull herself to her feet and crept toward the front window. She moved the edge of the curtain to peek through.

Bob had resumed his stance leaning against his shiny car—waiting.

Her head was pounding.

She walked to the closest armchair and fell into it, and then dug into her pocket to pull out her phone. With the press of a button, she dialed Saw.

The phone began to ring. _Please answer. Please answer._

“What it is?” Saw barked in his usual curt greeting.

With a pinched voice she said, “Bob is here. I need you.”

“I'll be right there.” He hung up, and so did she.

Saw would keep his word. All she needed to do was wait.

Jyn closed her eyes and focused on breathing low and slow. No thinking about the man across the street. Just focus on the breath.

She didn't know how long she sat there, eyes closed, breathing, when there was another knock at the door.

“It's me. He's gone,” called Saw.

She stood and tumbled toward the door, opening the bolt and falling into Saw's arms as soon as the door opened.

He held her in his strong arms while she heaved a few jagged breaths. “He left as soon as he saw me coming,” Saw said. “Coward. He'll gladly scare the daylights out of a woman half his size, but won't even stay to exchange words with someone who has a chance at besting him.”

Jyn swallowed the lump in her throat. “That's Bob through and through. He said he heard about me being on the Bake Off. He probably thought he could grab onto my fifteen minutes of fame and take some for himself. Fuck him.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I knew going on the show might stir his curiosity and bring him back, but I thought I could handle it. Instead I completely fell apart. I could barely put together a full sentence. I was so helpless.” God she hated herself right now.

Saw stepped back from her and met her eyes. “You weren't helpless. You got to safety and called me. Remember, retreating and regrouping is often the best option. And today, it worked.”

Jyn blinked back her rising tears and nodded. He'd been drumming that lesson into her head since she was a little girl. Even so, it didn't feel like a win. Not even a little bit.

“Do you want me to stay? In case he comes back?” Saw asked.

“Could you? For a few hours?” she replied without hesitation. She hated herself for asking, but right now she couldn't trust herself to manage another visit from Bob. Not after the way she descended into a panic attack the instant he came near her.

Fuck him. Just when everything in her life had felt so perfect.

Cassian—thoughts of him shot to the front of her mind.

Last night had been so amazing. As much as she felt nervous about the extent of her emotions for Cassian, she had no doubt that her relationship with him continued to exceed all expectations.

And Bob had come to ruin all of it. She turned and picked up her phone, thinking to call Cassian, but hesitated.

She'd failed the biggest test of her character that she possibly could have faced. Was she going to make that failure worse by begging her boyfriend to come rescue her? And to dump all of her festering baggage into his lap so he could carrying it for her? That would only make a bad situation worse. It would prove that she was every bit the helpless weakling that Bob still thought she was.

She took another deep breath and put down the phone. “I'm going to go practice my showstopper bake. The work will get me out of my head.”

Saw nodded. “Alright. I'll stay here by the window to look out for him.”

“Do you want to watch television?”

“I'll read the news on my phone,” he replied. “Bring me a cup of tea when you have a minute.”

“Of course. And... thank you.” She nodded. This was the second time he'd saved her from Bob. There was no amount of thanks that could repay that service.

Saw only huffed and sank into the chair closest to the front window.

Jyn went to the kitchen to start the kettle, and while it heated she dug into her purse and pulled out the bottle of Xanax. She didn't dare take it during competition—it left her too unfocused and sleepy. But she couldn't afford to hold onto this tension and worry today. She needed to let it go, and Xanax was the surest way to make that happen. She swallowed a pill before making the tea.

She spent the next two hours practicing her Vol-au-vents. Even as the sleepy relaxed feeling brought on by the Xanax became evident, she continued to stew about her failure with Bob.

She'd imagined that moment so many times. Imagined mocking him. Taunting him. Punching him in the nose. In every one of those fantasies, she'd proved to Bob that he no longer had any power over her.

So much for fantasies. Had she really grown and changed at all? Was she really any different from the anxious girl who thought she must be the one in the wrong, if her boyfriend was always so critical and so apt to yell at her—to hurt her. Was she any different from the girl who believed she deserved all the pain and abuse he heaped on her? All things considered, the practice bake wasn't too bad. But it did nothing to quell the doubts and fears swirling in her head.

She shared the Vol-au-vents with Saw for a light lunch. Bob hadn't reappeared, and Jyn felt desperately in need of a nap, so she told Saw he could go. As angry as she was at herself, her panic was under control, and as long as she kept her doors and windows locked and her phone at her bedside, she knew she'd be alright.

She should have been alright. Why hadn't she been strong enough?

~ ~ ~

Jyn seemed distracted and tired when Cassian picked her up for their drive to Welford Park. When he asked her about it, she only joked about needing to get used to his “loud breathing” at night.

Even so, she continued to seem a little off—quiet and withdrawn—during evening drinks with their competition friends at the hotel bar. Before parting ways for bed, he pulled her aside.

“Are you sure you're alright? Are you coming down with a cold, maybe?”

She sighed and shook her head. “No. I promise. I'm fine. Just a little more stressed about the bakes this weekend than I should be. I don't think I practiced my signature enough.”

He smiled gently. “You'll do fine. You always do.”

She looked into the near distance and took a deep breath. “I hope you're right.”

Cassian wanted to believe that it was just nerves, like she said, but her behavior reminded him of how she'd been during every moment of uncertainty they'd had in their relationship—when she was nervous about how to juggle the relationship and the show, when she was worried about him being eliminated too soon, and when she felt like they were rushing and wanted to slow down. Something was on her mind. But, unlike those other occasions, she seemed unwilling to discuss what was really bothering her. He hoped it wasn't anything about last night. If she had any regrets, he didn't want her to be afraid to speak her mind.

He squeezed his lips together and hesitated, but finally decided it was better to get things out in the open. “Are you regretting last night? I don't want to be the cause of any stress for you, and if you think it was a mistake—”

“No. Stop it. Last night was wonderful. I'm just nervous. Competition is getting tight and I didn't practice enough. That's all,” she replied.

He believed her first assertion, but not her second. And as pleased as he was that their night together wasn't the source of her nerves, he wished she trusted him enough to open up about what was really bothering her. But pushing her to talk wouldn't do either of them any good.

He nodded. “Okay. I... just try to sleep well, okay?”

She reached out to surreptitiously squeeze his hand. “I will. Goodnight.”

~ ~ ~

Jyn lay in bed, wide awake, the Xanax having worn off a few hours ago. She didn't want to take another one, but the sound of Bob's delusional proclamations of love and pounding at the door rang in her ears every time she tried to quiet her mind.

He'd said the same things so many times when they'd been together—proclaimed them nearly every time they had a fight or she complained about unhappiness or pointed out something she wanted him to change. He said their love was special. That she'd never love anyone else, and that no one else would ever love her.

For awhile, he even convinced her to believe him. For months after kicking Bob out she was still wracked with doubts about her ability to love or be loved.

She knew better, now. Rationally she _knew_ that she was every bit as capable of finding and sharing a loving relationship as any other human being.

But it clearly wasn't the rational side of her that was reacting to Bob's sudden reappearance. Her pathetic performance this morning had proved that. And in spite of all her attempts to remember and internalize the lessons she'd learned from Dr. Artie, Bob's words still cut deeper than she'd thought possible.

She blinked back rising tears and rubbed her aching forehead. It was jarring to be brought so low right after having one of the best nights of her life with Cassian.

He'd said she was one of the best things to ever happen to him. That was serious. Cassian wouldn't say something like that lightly ( _would he?_ Fuck Bob for making her doubt).

She pounded her fists against the mattress, groaning in frustration. There was no way she'd be able to sleep with all these thoughts filling up her head. And if she couldn't sleep, she'd have a hell of a time competing.

It wouldn't be playing the damsel in distress to take a practical step to help herself sleep, would it? No. This wasn't turning to a man to rescue her (again). It was her taking proactive steps to calm her nerves and improve her competitive edge. There was nothing to be ashamed of in that.

She got out of bed of pulled on some trousers and a sweater, and tucked her room key and a condom into her pocket before heading out into the corridor.

~ ~ ~

Cassian was just drifting off to sleep when a knock at his hotel door roused him. He sat up, confused, and pushed his fringe back from his face as he hobbled over to the door. He glanced through the peep-hole, and saw Jyn in the corridor.

His mind immediately sprang awake. Jyn needed him.

He opened the door. “Hey—what's up? Is something wrong?” he stepped back, holding the door open, and gestured for her to come in.

After she stepped in and the door closed behind her, she looked up at him. “I'm having a really hard time sleeping. All these nerves are getting to me. Could I stay with you, tonight?”

He smiled. “Of course you can.”

“Thanks,” she said, relief palpable in her voice.

Cassian took her hand and walked them over to sit on the edge of the bed. Something was really wrong. She always seemed so confident about her own bakes—she'd only ever been nervous about _his_. He reached up to rub the back of her neck. “I want to help. How can I help?”

She sighed and leaned against his side. “Just be here. That's all I need.”

“I am here,” he murmured back.

“I know.” She rested a palm against his cheek and pulled him in for a kiss. She was aggressive and eager, turning things heated immediately.

He felt the desire rising inside of him—of course he did. But something was still off.

He ended the kiss and pulled back. She blinked up at him in surprise. “Is something wrong?” she asked.

He shook his head at the irony of her question. Nothing was wrong with _him._ But whatever was going on with her, sex wouldn't solve the problem. He'd made that sort of mistake far too often with Misty. Instead of actually talking about their issues and trying to work together, he'd just tried to patch up issues with a nice dinner or flowers or a good night of sex. He wasn't going to make that same mistake with Jyn.

“You tell me,” he said. “I know this is more than nerves. Something is going on with you, and I want to help. What's wrong?”

She pulled back from him, clasping her hands together in her lap, and he could almost see her collapsing into herself, like an imploding star. It broke his heart to see her like this. “Please, talk to me.” He stretched out a hand to rub her back. “Please, sweetheart. Talk to me.”

She squeezed her lips together and shook her head. “Don't call me sweetheart. I don't like it.”

Damn it. He'd already screwed up. He took a breath. “I'm sorry. I won't do that anymore.” He sighed, struggling to know what to say next.

“This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come,” she said.

“No, no.” He reached out to her again. “I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk, we don't have to talk. I just see you struggling, and I don't know why and I want to help. We need to learn to share our problems with each other and work them out together if we really want to grow into true partners, you know?”

The tension in her shoulders softened a little. “Partners? You really want that with me?” The anxiety underneath her question broke his heart a little more.

“Yes. I do want that. More than anything.” He took her hand and pulled her a little closer.

She nodded and then flicked her eyes up to meet his gaze. “Something happened after you left this morning that reminded me about a lot of the things from my past that I don't want to remember. Things I thought I put behind me. And I don't want to go back to being that person. I don't even want to think about it anymore. I just want to focus on what I have now. Because now is so much better. I really don't want to talk about it. Please don't make me talk about it.” Her voice shook with emotion.

“Okay.” He sighed and held her close, rocking her in his arms. Someday they would have to face some of these issues from her past and work through them together. But it didn't have to be tonight. “We don't have to talk about it. Not tonight. But stay, if staying will help you. I want you to stay.”

“I want to stay,” she whispered.

“Okay.” For tonight, this was enough.

~ ~ ~

Jyn snuggled close to Cassian, breathing him in, and absorbing his warmth as he slept.

After their talk he'd made love to her—it wasn't just sex. He'd touched her with such gentle regard, and focused on her needs ahead of his own. Even after seeing her so weak and broken down, he'd still treated her like the most precious thing in the world.

It was everything she needed. She settled against him, finally feeling the weight of sleep overtaking her.

Forget about her shameful behavior this morning. Forget about the past. This was so much better.

~ ~ ~

The theme for the week was “Savory Bakes,” and for the signature the contestants had been asked to make savory parcels. At first Cassian had been inclined to make his grandmother's tamales, but the brief for the task had mentioned “golden brown pastry,” so he didn't think a steamed dish would quite fit. But it was still a chance to bring more of his Mexican culture into a bake.

“So what do we have here?” Paul asked as he and Mary walked up to his station, cameras in tow.

He smiled at them as he continued to stir his pan of filling. “I'm making empanadas. Mexican empanadas. I've got a little chorizo sausage in here, along with some ancho chili, a little onion, a little sweet potato, and I'm adding some raisins.”

Paul's brows rose. “Raisins? Is that a traditional ingredient?”

Cassian laughed. “No. But, uh, I really like the mix of the spice and the sweetness, which comes from the raisins and sweet potato, and the sweet potato also has some starch to help bind the filling together to make it a little easier to work with.”

“That sounds very interesting,” said Mary. “I'm looking forward to it. And what kind of pastry are you using?”

This was a point of pride for Cassian. “Instead of traditional wheat flour pastry, I'm using a very traditional masa, which is the basis of Mexican cuisine. It's the same mix that goes into tortillas and tamales.”

“So it's all corn?” Paul asked.

“Yes. All corn. And then I'll fry the empanadas to get the browning and crispness.”

“Sounds lovely,” said Mary.

They moved on to the next station. Cassian shot a glance over at Jyn, and she offered him a slight smile. God, he really hoped last night helped her feel better. He still didn't know quite what part of her past got stirred up, but he didn't want it to drag her down today. And from where he was standing, her miniature beef wellingtons seemed off to a good start. She could do this. He knew she could.

~ ~ ~

Jyn breathed a sigh of relief when Paul and Mary offered complementary comments on her beef wellingtons. And she beamed when they both gave high praise to Cassian's Mexican empanadas. But she couldn't help but wince at the criticisms of poor Bodhi's under-done pastry and bland filling. She hoped things would pick up for him for the rest of the weekend. Though, at this point, the only remaining contestant that she didn't think of as a friend was stodgy old Orson Krennic. She'd be very sad to see anyone else go.

She didn't protest when Cassian stood far too close to her during the lunch break. She tried to make herself care that they were on the verge of giving themselves away, but it was getting harder every weekend.

She felt embarrassed about going to him like she did last night, no matter how much it had helped at the time. She didn't want to turn into the type of woman who used her significant other for convenient sexual relief without regard to his needs, any more than she wanted to be a damsel in need of rescue. Last night she'd come close to being both at the same time.

As uncomfortable as it had been to have him call her out about something more being wrong, and to have him try to get her to talk about what had happened, she had to admit that pretending she didn't need to share these things with him was a mistake. Someday she'd have to open up and tell Cassian everything about what Bob had put her through and what she'd struggled with since—well, a summarized version of everything, he didn't every last humiliating detail. But dwelling on it now, while they were still in the thick of the competition, would only add to her stress. It could wait. It would have to wait. She was too ashamed to even attempt to tell him about her behavior on Friday. She needed a little more distance before she could talk about it rationally.

Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to be eliminated from the competition, now. Everyone else here was so deserving, she wouldn't feel bad about losing to a single one of them. (Even stodgy Orson had undeniable skills). In the long run, maybe this thing with Cassian was more important.

( _Was_ she in love with him? God, she needed time to figure this out.)

“I knew you would do great,” Cassian murmured, leaning so close she could feel his breath on her ear.

She smiled. “And you kept these empandas a secret from me for too long. You'll have to make them for dinner sometime. I think I could eat five of them at a go.”

“I'll plan on it,” he replied.

She felt the first real tingle of happiness all day. She was starting to see a vision of her future that had Cassian at her side, and it was a pretty damn good picture. So much better than the past.

~ ~ ~

The technical challenge was Paul's recipe for focaccia. Orson came in first, Leia second, then Jyn, Cassian, Baze, and Bodhi. Cassian was really starting to worry about Bodhi. His own focaccia had only been fair, but after how well his signature went he wasn't too worried. However, this marked two bad bakes in a row for Bodhi.

The whole group went out to dinner to help buck him up. (They invited Orson to be polite, but were all relieved when he declined).

“You've got what it takes. I know you do,” Jyn insisted, pointing at Bodhi over her plate of pasta. “You need to brush off today, focus on your successful practice bakes, focus on your timing, and you can pull this off.”

Cassian grinned at her going into coach-mode. She was really in her element.

“But I'd also have to root for one of you lot to fuck up your bake. That's the only thing that'll keep me in the running at this point,” Bodhi said.

He had a point. At this stage in the competition the quality of baking was so high that small mistakes were going to start taking people out. Even so, he chimed in with the others to lift Bodhi's spirits.

Then, Jyn said something that shocked him. “It wouldn't be so bad getting eliminated at this point.” She shook her head. “It's been hard on my job. Hard on my social life. Maybe I'll fuck up tomorrow to help you out.”

Cassian could only gape at her.

“Don't you dare!” Leia said. “If you mess up on purpose and I win, I'll always know it was because you let me win. It'll ruin everything.”

“Notice how it's all about Leia's feelings, here,” Bodhi teased.

The conversation quickly moved on, but Cassian couldn't let go of what Jyn had said. She was one of the most competitive people he knew. To even joke about throwing the competition was unbelievable.

A few minutes later when she took a trip to the toilet, he soon followed to catch her for a private talk.

When she came out of the toilet she stopped short at the sight of him. “You weren't getting any ideas about fooling around in there, were you? Because I'm really not keen on that sort of—”

“No, no,” he cut her off, smiling. “That's not why I'm back here. I got a little worried when you made that joke about throwing the competition. That doesn't seem like you.”

She looked at the ground and shook her head. “I was just blowing off steam.”

“Were you?” he asked, stepping closer and keeping his voice low. “Because everything about you is different this weekend. Whatever happened on Friday it really rattled you. The Jyn I know would never joke about failing on purpose.”

She glared up at him. “Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do.”

“Maybe not,” he admitted. “But I want to. What happened on Friday? What is going on with you this weekend?”

“This isn't the time or the place to talk about it,” Jyn replied, folding her arms across her chest.

“Then when is?”

“I don't know,” she snapped. “It's like last night all over again. Stop pressuring me to talk about things I don't want to talk about.”

“That's not what I'm doing.” This conversation was not going at like he'd hoped.

“Well that's what it feels like.”

“I'm sorry.” He sighed and rocked on his heels. His thoughts spun as he tried to find a way to salvage this talk.

Jyn shook her head. “I'm sorry, too. It was wrong of me to come to you last night and expect you to just roll over and give me what I wanted without me giving anything back. I understand why you want to talk. But if we're going to be together you need to understand that I need time to process and figure out my problems on my own. I like to solve things on my own. I don't like feeling dependent on other people to fix everything for me. I've had to do that in the past, and it feels like shit. Sometimes I need to deal with things on my own. Okay?”

Cassian clenched his jaw and nodded. He got where she was coming from. But if she didn't start letting him into her life at more than just the good times, they'd never make this relationship last. “I don't want you to feel dependent on me, and I don't want to fix you, Jyn. That's not why I want you to talk to me. I just see you hurting, and I want to help. Not because I think I need to fix you, but because I care about you. When you want to spend your life with someone, you hurt when they hurt, and you want to help them. So yes, I want to help,” he said.

Her eyes widened. “You want to spend your life with me?”

Shit. “I, uh...”

“We've known each other for a month and a half. How—? How can you possibly know that?” she stammered, looking visibly rattled.

Shit shit shit. “I'm sorry,” he said softly. “I didn't mean it to come out that way. I just meant that you already mean a lot to me. I have serious feelings for you, and maybe, possibly, this relationship will last a very long time.”

Jyn closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I need some air.”

“Okay. Okay. Let's go outside.” Her took her elbow and led her toward the door. As soon as they stepped out onto the cool, dim street she tugged her arm away from him and walked a few paces away, running her hands over her face and through her hair before turning to face him. She was paler than usual.

“What the hell is going on?” she asked. “Why are you talking like you have our whole future planned out? Why are you doing this?”

“I don't know. I didn't mean to sound like this. I don't... I don't know,” he said helplessly. He hated this. And he hated that it felt like his fault, and he didn't know how to make it right.

~ ~ ~

Jyn's heart was racing. She closed her eyes and took a few more deep breaths. She had to get this under control. She couldn't let this damn anxiety win. She was better than this.

She just wanted to stop fighting. She wanted to go back to the perfection of the night before last. That's what she wanted. Not the shame and regret from her confrontation with Bob, and certainly not the stress and nonsense of this new fight. What was it all for?

It wasn't like he'd even said anything so far from what she'd been thinking—a future together. _Partners._ But hearing the idea tumble so naturally from his mouth, as if he'd spent a lot of time thinking about it and planning it and counting on it... It was more than a little overwhelming.

Maybe it shouldn't have thrown her so much. Maybe she was just tired and cranky from poor sleep. Even so, the fact that he would so casually blurt out that he wanted to spend his life with her when she'd only just begun to consider the idea as something worth thinking about down the road—it was enough to give her pause. This was all happening so fast. How long had he been thinking about this?Could anyone really know that they belonged with another person after so little time? And he was being so pushy, trying to pry into her feelings. Did he feel some sort of ownership of her?

She looked at Cassian again. “Everything is feeling like too much right now. Too much too fast.”

“I didn't mean to make you feel pressured. I don't want that.” Cassian shook his head. “I'm worried about you and wanted to help, but I've only made things worse. I'm sorry.”

Jyn shook her head. “It's more than just that, though,” she admitted. “It's not just about you. I thought I could handle all of this, but one little thing has sent me spinning out of control. I need my life back. I need my _time_ back. So yeah, maybe I will fuck up on purpose. Maybe quitting is what's best for me right now, so I have time to sort my shit out and figure out how to deal with all this.” She only half meant it, but the feeling came from a genuine place. Something in her life had to go—maybe the Bake Off was the thing she needed to sacrifice in order to figure things out.

Cassian looked gobsmacked. He shook his head. “If anyone should throw the competition it should be me! I wouldn't still be here if it wasn't for your help, and you've been working toward this for years. It was one of the goals in your mission statement.”

She blinked. Her mission statement?

“You've come so far toward achieving your list of goals. You've got students with a real shot at international championships. You're making amazing returns on your investments. And you are a real contender in the Bake Off. Your ambition and determination is amazing, and I don't want to see you dropping one of those goals when you're doing so well.”

A knot twisted in her chest as he spoke and her heart raced even faster. This couldn't be happening. Not again. “I wrote that list in my journal. How did you...? Have you been reading my journal?” She felt sick to her stomach and her heart pounded so hard she could hear it.

His jaw hung slack. He had no ready answer.

“Fuck fuck _fuck_.” She stumbled away from him and rested her hand on the side of the restaurant window. It was like Bob all over again. “How can this be happening? How did I let this happen again?”

She wasn't sure if the pain in her chest was the anxiety or the heartbreak. She'd thought she'd finally found someone _good_. And now he was getting possessive and controlling and _spying_ on her and it was too much. She couldn't take it.

“Jyn, it's not like that.” His voice echoed, like he was speaking from a distance. “The journal was open to that page when I went to get your computer. I didn't read anything else, I promise.”

How could she believe him? How could she believe anything anymore? Her judgment was broken. Ruined. She couldn't trust herself. She couldn't trust Cassian. She couldn't trust anything. She leaned heavy against the window, struggling to catch her breath. She needed to catch her breath. She was starting to feel faint.

~ ~ ~  
  
“Jyn? Jyn—I'm sorry.” Cassian stood helpless, watching her slump against the restaurant window. How had this conversation gone so wrong so quickly? He needed to fix this.

He stepped toward her and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Jyn, I didn't mean to invade your privacy, I would never—”

“Don't touch me,” she said in rough voice. Her breath came in short gasps. She looked like she was struggling to stay upright.

Cassian pulled his hand back and stared. “Jyn... I'm sorry. All of this is my fault. Are you feeling sick? What can I do to help?” He'd never felt more helpless.

Suddenly, Baze was beside them. He walked toward Jyn. “Do you need some help?”

She nodded, still gasping.

Baze continued in a soft, soothing tone. “Are you having a panic attack?”

She squeezed her eyes closed and nodded.

“Okay. Let's get you sat down so you don't fall and hurt yourself. Come on.” Jyn clutched Baze's arm, and he helped lead her to a nearby bench and sat down beside her.

A panic attack? How had he not realized what was happening? He should have seen it. He should have known. Shame twisted in Cassian's gut. He'd done this to her with his careless words. He never should have pushed her like this.

“What can I do?” he said softly.

Jyn sat beside Baze, her eyes closed, as she took slow, rhythmic breaths.

Baze glanced up at him, and then back at Jyn. “Do you have any medication that might help?”

She nodded. “In my purse.” Her voice was strained.

“I'll get it,” said Cassian, dashing back toward the restaurant.

Bodhi and Leia both looked worried when he raced over to get Jyn's purse.

“What's going on?” Bodhi asked.

“Jyn's not feeling well. We're going to get her back to the hotel. Here.” He fished a handful of notes out of his pocket and tossed them on the table. “That should cover our meals. Thanks.”

He left before they had the chance to interrogate him further. They'd only ask questions he didn't want to answer.

He reached the bench and handed Jyn her purse. He stepped back and watched as Jyn fished a pill bottle out of her purse. She dumped a pill into her hand and snapped it in half before dry-swallowing one half and putting the other half back away in the bottle.

Why had she never told him she had panic attacks? It must happen fairly often, if she carried medication with her. Yet she'd never trusted him enough to tell him.

Why had he pushed so hard tonight? He'd fucked things up. He'd told her too much of his feelings before she was ready, and then freaked her out even more while she was already spiraling. How could he fix this? “Jyn? Is there anything else you need?”

She took another deep breath before answering him. “Not from you.” Tears welled in her eyes.

“Can I explain? Please?” he begged.

“I think not tonight. Give her some time, Cassian,” Baze said, and then addressed Jyn. “Would you like me to walk you back to the hotel?”

“Yes. Thank you,” she said softly.

Cassian's chest ached. He'd hurt her so much. He didn't know how to make things right. He nodded silently and stepped back to watch them walk away, with Jyn clinging to Baze's arm the whole way.

Cassian stared down at his feet. How much of her life had Jyn kept from him? Why hadn't he been able to earn her trust?

Bodhi and Leia would be coming out, soon. He couldn't bear to face them right now. He turned to walk a long way back to the hotel, and was grateful that he recognized no one in the lobby when he arrived.

Back in his room he paced back and forth, fighting back tears as he struggled to know what to do. Eventually he sat at the desk and grabbed a notepad of hotel stationary and picked up a pen. He started to write a letter.

~ ~ ~

Jyn's whole body ached when she woke. Her eyes felt dry from crying herself to sleep.

God, she was a mess. She sat up and rubbed her still-tight chest.

The events of last night swirled in her mind like a bad dream. A part of her wanted it to be one. She didn't want to believe that Cassian was showing the same signs of being a possessive control-freak like Bob. But he'd talked as if he had their future all planned out. And he'd _read her journal_.

She'd given up on journal writing after her first six or seven months with Bob, because he'd always found it and read it, no matter where she hid it, and he'd always found a way to use her private thoughts and feelings against her.

How could she have fallen for that same kind of man all over again? She felt tears rising. She'd started to _love_ him.

No. She shook her head. She couldn't spiral like this when she still had a bake to get through. God, had she really been thinking of quitting to spend more time on her relationship? For two years she'd convinced herself that she was better. That she was stronger. That no man could ever define her life for her again. And yet she'd gone and done it all over again. How had she lost herself like this? How?

She dragged herself to the shower and turned it on as hot as she could stand to scour herself clean. It wasn't until after she dressed that she noticed something on the ground just inside her door.

She stooped to pick it up, and froze when she realized what she was holding. A hand-written letter from Cassian.

Instantly she put it down on the dresser and walked away. No. He couldn't justify what he'd done. He would only try to twist and manipulate her like Bob had always done.

But a part of her still wondered. Before last night Cassian had shown none of the signs of being that type of man. He'd treated her with respect and admiration.

Could she have, in her anxiety-plagued moment, misinterpreted what happened? Had she judged him too quickly, after being so rattled by her failure on Friday? Or was it that her judgment had been faulty all along and she was only now seeing clearly?

She paced back and forth, struggling to know what to do. And then the alarm on her phone went off. She had fifteen minutes left to get to the staging area for the day's filming.

She pulled on her shoes and added a few final touches to her makeup. Just before leaving her room, she glanced at the letter one more time.

On impulse she grabbed it and slid it into her pocket before walking out into the corridor.

~ ~ ~

Jyn didn't make it down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. Cassian didn't see her until the short bus ride to the staging area outside the tent. She glanced at him briefly, but looked away quickly and stayed as far away from him as she could without leaving the group. His heart ached even more than it already had been. If she read his letter, it had made no difference.

He'd thought she'd reached a point where they could be more emotionally open with each other, and he'd been wrong. He'd pushed things too quickly, and now he might lose her forever.

Last night he barely slept, but even if he had he still would have felt miserable. The absolute last thing he wanted to do was bake. But it was the only thing that might take his mind of off his dreadful mistakes, so he threw himself into the challenge, concentrating every drop of focus and effort that he could muster into the task.

He couldn't fix his relationship this morning, but he could damn well make some kick-ass Vol-au-vents.

~ ~ ~

Jyn had felt Cassian's eyes on her several times during the morning preparation session before filming, but he hadn't approached her. Hadn't tried to get anyone else to approach her on his behalf. And now that they were in the thick of the bake, he wasn't even looking at her.

It took her nearly half the bake to realize what felt so wrong about Cassian's behavior. It was the exact opposite of what Bob would have done.

Bob would have accosted her as soon as he caught sight of her. He would have demanded her attention, and insisted she listen to his side of things whether she wanted to or not, to hell with who might be watching. And even if he'd been denied the chance for that kind of conversation he'd have taken any moment he could find to wander near her station and pester her for her reaction to whatever he'd written in that letter.

If Cassian was really the kind of man she'd feared he was last night, he'd have done something more than keep a respectful and quiet distance between them.

Anxiety knotted in her stomach. What if she was all wrong? What if she'd been on the verge of finding real love, and she'd fucked it up by letting her anxiety get the best of her? She had no idea what to believe, anymore.

She was distracted at every step of her bake, making mistakes, working too slowly, losing track of her timing and her tasks. Her fillings were hard to mess up—one was based on smoked salmon, the other on parma ham and asparagus. But her first batch of pastry was dreadful, and she had to start over with too little time. She was last to get her Vol-au-vent in the oven, and they were under-done and not up to her usual standard of decoration when time was up.

Instead of sitting for the usual interviews while the set techs cleaned up the cooking stations before judgment, she escaped with the excuse of needing a trip to the loo. Instead, she hid among some trees and pulled Cassian's letter out of her pocket.

She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before finally unfolding the paper to read.

“ _Jyn, I've tried writing this letter eight other times, and I still don't know what to say or how to say it. I'm probably still messing things up, but I have to try._

“ _I have so much to apologize for. I could see how stressed and tense you were, and instead of leaving things alone when you asked me to, I kept digging for more instead of letting you go at your own pace. That was wrong, and I apologize._

“ _And I shouldn't have read your mission statement—or at least I shouldn't have dwelled on it once I caught sight of it. Though it was open to that page, I could tell it was personal, and instead of moving on I lingered. That was also wrong, and I apologize._

“ _The one thing I can't apologize for is how I feel about you. My feelings for you came to me so strong and so quick that it frightened me, and knew they would frighten you,too. The feelings are real and true, but I knew you weren't ready to hear them. I should have been more patient. I should have listened to you and your needs instead of making assumptions._

“ _I never want to be the source of your fear and anxiety. If I could I would find a way to make the entire world safe and comfortable for you so you never need to fear anything again. I can't do that, but if you are willing to give me another chance, I will strive to never be the cause of fear or anxiety for you ever again. And if I make a mistake, I want you to call me on it so I can correct myself and grow into the kind of man you need me to be._

“ _I know this letter might not change anything, and I accept that. If you tell me to leave you alone forever, I will. My feelings are my problem, not yours. But if you think there is any chance at all that you might come to share my feelings, then please, please, let us have another chance._

“ _With all my heart, Cassian.”_

Tears rolled down Jyn's cheeks as she read. Her whole soul ached.

His apologies felt so real, and his words felt so right. She wanted to forgive him—to believe him—to trust him. She wanted it with her entire being. But she was so afraid. She couldn't trust herself. She couldn't trust her own judgment. And she wasn't sure if she could dare take a risk with him. She didn't think she could survive another abusive relationship. It might be more than she could bear.

God, she was so scared. How could she make a decision about Cassian when she was so afraid of being wrong? The stakes were so fucking high. How was she expected to figure this out? It wasn't fair. None of it had ever been fair.

Sobs shook her shoulders and tore from her aching throat. None of this was her fault, but she still had to pay for what Bob had done to her. When would his actions stop being her burden to bear?

She was still sobbing when she caught a glimpse of someone approaching through her tear-filled eyes. She shook her head and folded the letter up, striving to quiet her crying.

“Hey, darling. Whatever it is, we're here to help. No one else is going to barge in, I promise,” said Sue, crouching beside her.

Mel moved in to crouch on her other side and nodded. “One of the producers spotted you like this, but we won't let any cameras or producers near you right now. Our solemn promise. And the mics are off—we made sure of it.”

Jyn sniffled like a primary-school child who'd been dripping from the nose all day. God, it was humiliating. “Thank you,” she choked out.

Mel took her hand and Sue rubbed her shoulder for a few minutes until her tears had quieted to almost nothing.

“Fuck,” Jyn moaned. “They're ready for filming again, aren't they?”

“They'll be ready when you're ready,” Sue said, “and not a moment sooner. What can we do, love? Is there any way we can help?”

Jyn wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “You're helping. There's not much else to be done, right now. It's nothing to do with the show. It's a personal problem. I shouldn't be letting it get to me like this.”

“No.” Mel shook her head. “If you need to let it out, let it out.”

Jyn sighed, but managed a smile. Their cheery presence was actually helping. “I think I let more than enough out the last few minutes. Times like these...” she heaved a deep breath to hold back a fresh sob “...make me really wish my papa was still here. I lost him five years ago this August. And I could really use his help right now.” Damn it. She'd made herself cry again.

Where had that even come from? She hadn't even been thinking it until it came out of her mouth, but now it felt so potently true that she couldn't stop thinking it.

Sue and Mel drew her into a tight group hug as they offered more sweet words of support. God, they were the best television hosts of all time.

After a minute her tears once again subsided. “I think I'll be alright for the time being,” Jyn said. “But I'm not fit for the cameras.”

“Never you mind,” said Sue, taking her hand and helping her to her feet. “I'll hurry you over to the make-up trailer and Mel will run along to let Monny know you're nearly ready.”

Surprisingly, the process went just as smoothly as Sue had implied. After a quick touch up to her face and hair and drink of water, Sue led her back into the tent where all were assembled, waiting for her. Her fellow contestants offered her encouraging smiles, except for Cassian, who looked at her like a puppy she'd just scolded. God, what had she done to him? What had she done to _herself_?

But now wasn't the time to think about. Instead she took her place at her station and waited her turn for judgment.

Her Vol-au-vents did receive a number of criticisms, though not as harsh as she'd been expecting. And poor Bodhi had only a fair bake—not the shining triumph he needed. Her biggest surprise was to hear Cassian lavishly praised yet again. How had he managed to pull that off at a time like this? Was he even really hurt? She shook her head. That was unfair of her. Some people threw themselves into their work to avoid negative emotions. That was what Saw always did. Perhaps Cassian was the same.

After all the showstoppers had been judged, it was time for another break. This time, after grabbing a bottle of water and taking a long drink, Jyn took a few calming breaths and gathered her courage.

Slowly, she approached Cassian. He was standing near the snack table, still looking like a sad puppy. Her heart ached. She'd been so amazingly happy three days ago. She didn't want that to be over. She didn't want to be afraid of falling in love.

His eyes widened as she walked toward him.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“Hi,” he replied. He licked his lips briefly and shifted his weight on his feet, as if uncertain whether to come closer or back away.

She new the feeling. “I... I know we need to talk. About last night. Now isn't the time. But I think I'm ready to talk. Back at the hotel would be best, I think.”

He nodded slowly. “Okay. We'll talk back at the hotel.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They stared at each other for a moment.

Just two nights ago she'd felt closer to him than to anyone else in the world. And now it felt as though a vast canyon now stood between them, keeping them apart.

Without any clue of what more to say, she nodded at him and then turned and walked away. She had no idea what she was going to say to him at the hotel. But she had to face him. She needed at least some partial resolution to this problem. Something— _anything—_ beside this dreadful gaping divide.

~ ~ ~

She wanted to talk. Okay. And she didn't seem to hate him anymore—Cassian didn't think she'd be coy about that. But how could he talk to her about what happened without digging himself even further into that hole?

Picking and choosing exactly what to include in that letter and how to say in the the most honest and least triggering way had taken him hours. Doing the same thing extemporaneously was going to be... not easy.

His mind refused to focus on the situation at hand—sitting on his stool, waiting for the final results of the weekend to be announced. All he could think about was Jyn.

Which is why it came as such a shock when Mel announced that the week's Star Baker had perfectly precise puff-pastry, and had infused his savory parcel with Mexican flare. “Cassian!” she concluded.

His mouth hung open, and he looked around, blinking. Wait. How?

Bodhi, sitting beside him, clapped him on the shoulder and grinned at him. So it really was happening. What a way to end this roller coaster ride of a week.

What came next was less surprising, but still hurt like a bitch. The baker eliminated for the week was Bodhi.

After the usual group hug from Mel and Sue, Cassian was the first to pull Bodhi into an embrace. “I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you last night. I should have been there for you.”

“It's okay, mate,” replied Bodhi. “It was my week. Everyone has to go eventually. We'll keep in touch, yeah?”

“Yes. Of course,” Cassian replied.

He stepped back and watched the others offer Bodhi hugs and words of support. Jyn was openly crying, and only managed to stammer out a few words which Cassian couldn't hear.

He managed to bullshit his way through the post-judgment interviews, and was grateful to get back to the hotel to collect his bags. He found a quiet seat in the corner of the lobby, and waited.

About ten minutes later, Jyn found him.

He leaned forward in his chair, but stayed seated he didn't want to do anything that came off as threatening. (Though he really had no idea what it was that triggered her last night—other than the journal. That one he knew.)

Her hands were shoved in her coat pockets and she took a deep breath before speaking. “Can we do this outside?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “Of course.” He gestured for her to lead the way and kept a respectful distance between them.

She frowned as the walked on the pavement near the hotel. “I don't know where to start,” she said, a sad note in her voice.

“Neither do I,” he confessed. “I caused so many problems by talking yesterday and I think maybe not talking is better. I don't know.” He sighed.

Jyn stopped walking, and he stopped beside her.

She shook her head. She looked down at her feet. “I read your letter. After the bake. That's why I took so long getting back.”

“Oh,” he said softly. He'd been worried about her. For a few minutes he'd been afraid that she left the set altogether, to follow through on her threat of quitting. Now he knew the truth. But what did it mean? He still couldn't read what was going on inside her mind. So he waited.

~ ~ ~

Butterflies danced in Jyn's stomach as she struggled to find the right words. He still hadn't touched her. Hadn't rationalized. Hadn't tried to manipulate or convince her of anything. She was increasingly hopeful that she'd misjudged things last night. But she couldn't be certain of anything. Not with her brain in this state of disarray. All of her judgments were now filtered through a lens of paranoia forged by the pain of her relationship with Bob. “I appreciate your apologies. I really do. And I know I overreacted last night. But... I still don't know what I want to do about our relationship. I don't.”

He squeezed his lips together and nodded.

She waited, but he still didn't speak. God, he was trying so hard not to upset her that he wasn't saying a single word to try to defend himself or to persuade her. He was leaving it all on her shoulders. Which was exactly what she wanted, but was also so fucking terrifying.

“You don't know the kind of fear I live with,” she said softly. “It's become the background noise of my mind. It's always there, buzzing at me, and I never know when it's going to jump to the front and demand my attention. And it has been very demanding the past few days.”

She rocked on her heels and looked up at the cloudy sky. She didn't want to look at Cassian—to see the pain in his eyes. She couldn't make a choice based on his pain. “Everything that's happened between us,” her voice started to shake and she fought to hold it together, “has been so, so special to me. You have to know that I care about you very much. But that doesn't make the fear go away. In some ways it makes it stronger.” She let out a hollow laugh at that bitter truth. “I hate it. I do. But I have to listen to it, because if I don't, I might get hurt. And I can't let that happen. Not again.”

She looked down again. The pavement was still damp from a light drizzle earlier in the hour.

After a few moments of silence, Cassian spoke, his voice low and tentative. “So... where does that leave us?”

That was the question, wasn't it?

She shook her head, struggling to find the answer. “I don't know.” She fell silent again, trying to puzzle out what to do. Even thought she'd overreacted to his behavior last night, he'd still done and said things that left her uncertain. But if she ever wanted to find real love and companionship in her life, at some point she had to take a leap of faith—to accept the risks that came with making herself emotionally open and vulnerable. Was now that time?

“I don't trust my own judgment right now. I don't think I can make a fair decision about us in this state,” she admitted.

“What do you need?” Cassian asked.

Again, trying so hard not to pressure or influence her. But again, she struggled to believe that it wasn't just an act. With her judgment so impaired, she couldn't know for sure. “I need time,” she said. “Time and space and quiet.”

Cassian looked as if he wanted to speak, but held back and simply nodded.

“I need to get my head straight to gain perspective on everything that's happened, so maybe I can make a rational decision about us. But I don't know how long that might take. It might be a few days, or might take until after I'm off the competition. I really don't know.” She shook her head again. “This is so unfair to you, to leave you hanging like this.”

“I can wait,” he said without hesitation. “I will give you the time and space you need. I will wait for you to contact me. You're worth the wait, Jyn. Even if you decide to end things, it will be worth the wait for the chance.”

She blinked back rising tears. Fuck. She still wanted him. But what if... what if...? All her fears were still there. She'd let Bob fuck up her life so badly. She couldn't afford to risk that happening again. But didn't she owe Cassian something more than this uncertainty?

“Bob came by my house Friday morning after you left. That's what happened. That's why I'm such a mess.” She felt a terrible pain in her chest saying the words. There. Now Cassian knew exactly how pathetic she was.

~ ~ ~

Cassian's jaw dropped, and everything clicked into place in his mind. “Bob? Your ex, Bob?”

Jyn squeezed her lips together and nodded, not meeting his eyes. “Yes. That Bob.”

Everything suddenly made sense—her reticence, her anxiety, her extreme reaction to their fight. The only thing that didn't make sense was why hadn't she told him about Bob in the first place?

“I...I don't know what to say. Did he...what did he...?”

“He didn't hurt me, if that's what you're trying to ask. Not physically, at least,” she replied. “Didn't let him get close enough to touch me.”

Cassian swallowed a lump in his throat and felt anger rising inside of him at the implication behind her words. He'd known that Bob had been an asshole, and Chewie had called him emotionally abusive. It was becoming clear that things had been much worse. That man had done her physical harm, and that was unforgivable.

Jyn looked away from him, shaking her head with tears glistening in her eyes. “I still don't want to talk about it. It hurts to talk about it. I fell to pieces as soon as he opened his mouth and spoke to me. I thought I was stronger, but I'm not. I'm just as weak and stupid as I ever was.”

Cassian didn't hate easily. He'd rarely truly hated anyone in his life—not even Misty and the man she cheated with. But at that moment he truly, deeply, hated Bob. “That's not true. Don't think that.”

“Damn it,” she said, finally looking at him. “This is why. This is why I don't want to talk about it. You're just going to try to fix me. To save me. That's not what I want. I don't want to be a person who needs saving.”

He wanted to shout at her that that wasn't what he was doing. That she'd already saved herself—that she was so much stronger than she believed. But he hardly dared say a word. Right now anything he said might make things worse. Finally, desperate to say something to soothe her, he quietly said, “I'm not him, Jyn. I'm far from perfect, but I'm never going to be like him. I'm not here to fix you or change you or save you or control you—I'm here because I think you are strong and smart and beautiful and amazing, and being with you makes me happy. All I want is for you to be happy, too. You don't have to be afraid of me.”

She blinked rapidly and a took a deep breath. “I don't want to be afraid of you. And I do want to trust you. And I do want to be happy.” Her voice broke and she shook her head. “But I can't trust my own judgment right now. That's why I need some space and quiet to get my brain back in order. Do you understand, now?” She met his eyes with such a look of pain and pleading that he wanted to cry.

He fought back the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. Her self-doubt was painful. Her son of a bitch ex had made her question everything that she'd worked so hard for. He could only imagine how broken down she must have felt when she was still with the bastard. Cassian had to be better. He wouldn't tell her what to do. He couldn't, or it would break things between them forever. “I understand. I'll give you the space you need.”

She heaved a breath that was half-sob, half-sigh. “Thank you.”

He clenched his teeth and nodded. “You're welcome.” Anything she needed, he would give to her. He had to step back and hope that after she had the space she needed, she'd decide she still wanted him in her life. And in the meantime he could work on finding a way to be worthy of her full trust, so that she would be open with him about all parts of her life, not just the carefully curated parts that she'd shared so far. If they couldn't be open and vulnerable with each other, there was no chance for them.

He just wished he'd found a way to win that trust before things got to this point. Right now all he could hope for was a shot at a second chance.

~ ~ ~

_How many times does he have to prove himself before you believe him? What will it take to convince you he's not another Bob?_ Jyn's brain buzzed at her. But she didn't have an answer—only question after question and fear after fear.

“I got a train ticket,” she said quickly. This conversation hurt too much. She needed to get out of it, before her anxiety took over again. “I think it's for the best not to ride with you, tonight.”

He looked like she'd slapped him, but recovered quickly. “Okay. I understand.”

“Okay.” It was done. It was time to move. “I'll say good bye to you, for now.”

She could tell he had so much more to say, but was fighting to keep it all in. “Good bye, for now,” he replied.

Before she could change her mind, she turned and walked away.

From the hotel up until she sat down on the train she fluctuated between wanting to cry and wanting to sleep for a week. A moment before the train started to move, she was shocked when Baze quietly settled into the seat next to her.

“What are you doing? This isn't the right train for you, is it?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I can catch a connecting train from Scarif. It only adds thirty minutes to my travel time. You just looked like you could use the company.”

Immediately her throat closed up and tears spilled over the brim of her eyes. She couldn't find any words, so she nodded and wrapped her arm around his, leaning against his steady, solid side.

They sat in silence most of the ride. She wouldn't have known what to say even if she could find her voice. But having Baze there steadied her and comforted her more than anything else possibly could have.

When they finally got off the train in Scarif, he offered to see her all the way home. Jyn politely declined. “You've done enough. Really. Thank you. Having your company really did help.”

He smiled, laugh lines springing up around his eyes. “Good. I'm glad. And if you need anything at all this week, don't hesitate to call.”

“Alright.” She nodded. “Thank you.”

“It's my pleasure.”

She said goodbye with a warm hug, and then caught an Uber for the short ride home from the train stop.

When she finally stepped inside she felt utterly drained. The sleep-for-a-week impulse was very much winning.

But there was one thing she needed to do first.

She took a deep breath, walked to her office, and switched on the light.

There, sitting on her desk a bit behind and to the side of her closed laptop, was her journal. The pages with her list of goals were held open by the stones she'd saved from the site where she'd scattered her parents' ashes just over ten years apart.

A fresh knot formed in her throat as she ran her fingertip across the page, pulling up a thin coat of dust.

It had been sitting open on her desk for weeks, just as Cassian had said. He hadn't been spying on her.

Fuck.

She squeezed her eyes closed, sank into the nearest chair, and held her pounding head in her hands. Nothing was okay. Not even close.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying very hard to give a realistic depiction of Jyn's mental health struggles, no matter how ugly it might get. I hope I've pulled it off.
> 
> In this chapter the signature bake was inspired by series 5 ep 7. The technical was inspired by series 2 ep 3. And the showstopper was inspired by series 6 ep 6. I'm traveling for a week and then only have one more week of summer before my kids go back to school, so I doubt I'll have much writing time. It might be another month before I update. Sorry!


	9. Week 8: Chocolate, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the unintentional long hiatus. Life. Y'know? Anyway, here you go. :)

 

Cassian's eyes drooped and his head ached as he poured himself a second cup of coffee—today was not a tea kind of day. He slumped back into his seat at the table and forced himself to take another bite of his toast.

Kay glanced up from his tablet, where he was doubtless reading his usual batch of morning news. He raised an eyebrow at Cassian. “Well, on the bright side, at least you won't have to practice all sorts of elaborate baking projects this week.”

Cassian grunted. “I wish. It's chocolate week. I'll have to practice twice as much as usual.”

“Wait..” Kay narrowed his eyes. “You're not out?”

Cassian sighed. He knew where this was going. “No. I'm not out. That's not why I'm in a bad mood. It's to do with Jyn.” Kay wasn't one for subtlety; Cassian had to be straight with him.

“So she ended your relationship?” Kay sounded far too cheerful at that prospect.

Cassian scowled. “It's more complicated than that. We're... taking a break, I guess. I don't know. She had a rough weekend and I inadvertently made things worse.”

“I don't understand, as usual,” Kay replied.

For as long as Cassian had known him, Kay had shown zero interest in romantic or sexual relationships with anyone of any gender, and the ins and outs of such relationships were often difficult for him to grasp.

Cassian mulled how much to tell his friend. But given the few hints that Kay had dropped about his father over the years, he had a feeling that in this case Kay would understand the situation better than almost anyone else. He gave a quick summary of what had happened—Jyn's ex, the anxiety, the bungled admission of his desires for a long-lasting relationship, and her request for time to calm her anxiety and make clear-minded decisions.

As Cassian spoke, Kay's expression darkened. When Cassian finished speaking, Kay frowned. “So her old boyfriend was violent with her?”

Cassian nodded. “I didn't pry for details, but that's what she implied.”

“Good. Don't ask for the details. Don't make her relive it—especially if the memories are still triggering panic attacks.” Kay nodded. “And talking as if you'd planned out your whole future together was a huge mistake. It was unfair of you to put that kind of pressure on her when she was already anxious from the ex turning up.”

“I know.” Cassian groaned and pushed his fringe back from his face. “I fucked up bad. I just wish she'd told me sooner. I mean, I knew he'd been bad to her, but I never understood just how bad it actually was.”

“Under normal circumstances she'd have told you when she felt sufficiently comfortable and trusting with you.” Kay grimaced and shook his head. “But that fellow forced the issue. Men like him should be locked in a dark cave, and the key tossed into the ocean. Even after all these years, my mother still flinches every time she hears a man raise his voice—even if it's not directed at her. Even if it's not in anger. That's how deep the scars run. Jyn's fortunate that she got out when she did. That she had friends who stood by her.”

“Yes,” agreed Cassian. “She is. And I need to learn how to be someone she can trust like that, instead of someone that triggers her fear. Do you think... maybe you could help with that?” Having an abusive father wasn't exactly the same, but Kay had been there for his mother as she worked to put the past behind her. He had a better idea of Jyn's needs than anyone else Cassian could think of.

Except he hated dwelling on emotional topics.

This was a big ask, and Cassian wasn't surprised that it took Kay a long period of thought before he answered. “I'll try. But I'm sure there are articles or books out there that can express things on this subject far better than I can. I'll see if I can find some for you, so you can focus on your chocolate practice.” Kay seemed less than happy to be roped into this duty, but the fact that he was willing at all spoke volumes. He was a far better friend than Cassian deserved, and he'd have to do his best to show his gratitude.

~ ~ ~

Jyn was determined not to think about her horrific weekend during her morning run. And she was determined not to think about it during her shower; or her shopping trip; or her lunch; or while dodging texts from Sorsha and Chewie; or while doing some long-procrastinated house cleaning. Sometimes, her determination almost worked.

She didn't want to hurt anymore. She wanted to be numb. And she tried her hardest to convince herself that she was.

The effort of it was so exhausting that by the end of her Monday evening classes she was able to run home and pass out in her bed without any tossing or turning.

Tuesday she woke feeling rested for the first time in days. For a few precious minutes she was actually at peace. And then the worries came flooding back in.

She sat up in bed and took a few deep breaths. Okay. She did her best to give herself a break yesterday. Now what? How long could she go on like this—dodging her problems and pushing away her feelings? It was unsustainable. If she didn't start facing her realities, something might actually break in a way she couldn't fix.

The easiest place to start was the with the back log of texts from Sorsha and Chewie. A simple, “Still in it. Just exhausted and need lots of practice. Might not be around this week.” was enough for Chewie. Sorsha wouldn't be that easy.

After some thought Jyn finally texted: “Sorry. Needed a day to myself. Still in it but was at the bottom. A new dear friend got sent home instead and it hurts. Should have been me. I need to practice hard and do well this week to validate why I'm still in it. Won't have time for any lunches this week. I'll make it up to you next week.”

There. Hopefully that would be enough.

The next task was even harder. She dialed a number and her anxiety mounted with every ring. At last an answer, “Hello?”

“Hi, Bodhi,” she said meekly. “It's Jyn.”

“Hi,” he replied. “Been getting a lot of these condolence calls this week. I suppose it's to be expected.” His tone was light. She hoped he felt as good as he sounded.

“God. Yeah. I didn't give you a proper send off. I was such a mess. I should have been there for you. I apologize from the bottom of my heart for being such a self-centered bitch about everything. I'm so, so sorry.” She blinked back tears.

“Now you're being absurd. You have nothing to apologize for. You out-baked me, and you clearly had some personal things going on. It was right for you to focus on that instead of on me making a muck of things. Really—I have no hard feelings at all.”

“I'm relieved to hear it.” Jyn breathed deep, feeling ever so slightly better. “Even so, I still hate that you won't be back this week. I know we'll all miss you.”

“Thanks. Me too. Won't really miss the competition, but I'll miss seeing you lot every weekend. You'll have to find a weekend you can come stay with me in London.”

Jyn smiled. So she hadn't lost a friend. Thank god. “I can't wait. We'll just have to wait and see how much longer I'm trapped in the tent and then I can sort out my schedule for the next few months.”

They chatted a few minutes longer about things to do and places to go together before Bodhi said, “My shift starts soon. I've got to get going. But thanks for calling. And, uh, is everything going to be okay for you? I'm not going to pry, but if you need to talk, I'll be around later tonight.”

Jyn sighed. “I have no idea if things are going to be okay. I've been...dealing with some serious anxiety lately. It's a problem I've had for years, but it's flared up particularly bad this past week, and I did a lot of overreacting to things and a lot of melting down and I really don't know what's coming next. I think this is one I need to sort out on my own. But thanks for the offer.”

“Okay,” said Bodhi softly. “But, uh, if there is anyone who can help, do get that help. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you. Remember—it's an illness, not a character flaw. You really don't have to do it alone.”

Jyn's chest felt tight. He was right. He really was. “Okay. I do have a therapist I used to see. I'll try to get an appointment soon.” She took a deep breath. “Thanks. I needed that reminder.”

“Any time. Take care of yourself, Jyn.”

“You too, Bodhi.”

After ending the call she forced herself to dial up Dr. Artie's office before she lost her nerve. He was booked out for three weeks, but she set an appointment and asked to be put on the wait list for cancellations. There. It was done.

She caught sight of a framed photo of her parents on the wall across from her, and smiled. They'd be happy to see her taking proactive steps to get better. She needed to remember that instead of feeling ashamed.

After a quick run and a shower, she went to the kitchen and gathered the supplies to practice the elaborate chocolate decorations she had planned for her showstopper cake. Just as she was measuring her first batch of chocolate to temper, a text came it.

It was from Sorsha. “Sorry you had a rough week. Was it Cassian who got cut? Fucking sucks. You can bounce back. <3<3”

Jyn frowned. She'd been trying not to think about Cassian. She wasn't ready to deal with that particular problem, yet. Just the sight of his name got her chest aching again. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

He'd been wrong to make bold assumptions about the future of their relationship. But she'd been wrong to accuse him of abusive behavior; he wasn't Bob—not even close.

Were those two wrongs enough to end things for good? They were only a month and half in, after all. No huge loss. Right?

Fuck. That line of thinking only made things hurt worse. She couldn't think about this right now. It was still too much.

She turned off her phone, turned up some music to help drown out her thoughts, and focused on the chocolate.

~ ~ ~

Cassian usually talked to his mother Sunday night. He'd dodged the usual talk with texts for most of two days, but he couldn't dodge forever. Over his Tuesday lunch—which was just after his mother woke up for the day—he finally returned her several calls.

He managed another version of the summary he'd given Kay the day before, and was glad that all of his mother's vicious cursing was reserved for Jyn's ex, rather than Jyn herself. Then she did her best to bolster his spirits.

“You will find a way to make things right,” she insisted. “If it's meant to be, the way will open up for you. When it does, take it. Don't hesitate.”

He wished he could share her optimism. “Okay, Mama. I won't hesitate.”

She huffed. “I hope so. You can't let this slip through your fingers because that son of a bitch came to stir up trouble. You can prove to her that you are the good man I raised you to be. I know you can.”

He tried to let the talk cheer him, but the longer things went without hearing from Jyn, the harder it got. He knew she told him it might take days—or even weeks—and he wanted to be patient. But he missed her terribly, and wanted a chance to make things right more than anything else.

He'd been reading all the articles that Kay helped him find, and he was starting to wrap his head around the psychological challenges that Jyn was facing—and around the ways he could support her. If he could only have a chance, he knew he could be the man she needed him to be.

And, as much as he hated it, trying to force her talk before she was ready was the exact opposite of what she needed.

~ ~ ~

Though her practice bake went well, and she had a good afternoon and evening at work, when Jyn got home her house felt emptier than usual, and a gnawing loneliness began to ache in her chest while she readied herself for bed.

On impulse after washing up and changing for bed she went to her phone and pulled up her photos.

There it was—the picture of her with Cassian, his arm around her shoulders, bright smiles on both their faces.

She sank onto her bed, staring at it.

Should she read something into it that he hadn't even texted, yet? Or was he really just respecting her request for space? Maybe she should text him.

She shook her head and pushed her hair back from her face. From that first ride home from the competition together onward she'd been trying to puzzle out what exactly she felt for him—exactly what she wanted with him. And just a few days ago she thought she'd figured it out. She'd thought she was falling in love with him.

All the pain came back to her like a kick to the gut. She gasped and blinked back tears.

If things were really over between them, then this picture would be the only thing left of him in her life. She'd grown up in this house, so there were traces of her parents everywhere she looked. There were photos of and gifts from her friends. And, whether she liked it or not, there were still traces of Bob here—a few chairs they'd picked out together. A clock. A few books.

But Cassian had been in her life for such a short time that he hadn't had a chance to make a mark—not a single scrap of evidence that they'd ever been together except this single digital photo that could easily be erased with the tap of her finger.

Her shoulders shook as tears rolled down her cheeks.

She didn't want this ephemeral photo to be the only mark he made on her life. It wasn't enough.

Her finger hovered over the button to dial his number. No. She shook her head and tossed the phone onto her nightstand.

She couldn't call him sobbing like a baby when she was exhausted and irrational. There was no way anything good could come of that.

She wiped her tears and took a few deep breaths to calm her crying. She'd get a good night of sleep, and see about getting in touch with him in the morning. That was the more sensible thing to do. She had to be sensible.

Even so, she tossed and turned for nearly an hour before falling asleep.

Jyn slept later than she'd intended Wednesday morning. By now Cassian was already at work. She didn't want to call him at work. They need a chance for a private conversation. Plus, she still wasn't sure what she wanted to say.

She tried to write a text, but couldn't think of what to text, either. Their situation was far too complicated to cover in a text.

As she went about her morning routine she struggled to gather her thoughts. Halfway through another practice bake a horrible thought struck: now that he'd had a little time to think, what if Cassian had decided that she wasn't worth the trouble? That her baggage was too much to handle? What if she tried to talk to him, and he didn't want to be with her anymore?

She closed her eyes and shook her head. He wasn't like that. He was a good man. He'd said he would wait, and she had to believe him. She wanted to believe him. But God, she was such a mess. She wouldn't even blame him for deciding she was too much to handle. Because she was. Last weekend proved that.

She froze. Last weekend. Fuck. She'd been too out of it to explain things to Baze. He probably still thought Cassian had been mistreating her. She needed to fix this.

As soon as she came to a stopping point in her bake, she picked up her phone and dialed Baze.

He answered after two rings.

“Hi Baze,” she said. “It's Jyn.”

“Jyn! It's good to hear from you. I've been thinking about you. How are you doing?” His voice was tinged with concern.

She smiled. It was a shame he and Chirrut had never become parents—they would have been very good at it. “I'm getting better. I need to thank you again for taking care of me. When I'm in the thick of my anxiety like that I'm not very good at looking after myself, and you were just what I needed. Thank you so much.”

“Anytime. Really. I'm glad I was there to help,” he replied.

“Well, thank you. And on a related note, I'm sure from your point of view Cassian probably came off looking rather bad. I need to clear that up—Cassian didn't do anything wrong. He certainly didn't do anything to intentionally hurt me, and the things that did hurt me were all misunderstandings due to my anxiety-brain. I don't want you holding anything against him. Really. He's a good man, and doesn't deserve that.” Even saying it out loud made her cringe at the memory of her bad behavior. If she was Cassian she probably wouldn't want anything to do with her after that. Ugh.

“Okay. I was wondering what happened. And while I'd prefer not to hate him, I'll happily do it for your sake if you need someone to hate him with you.”

“No, no, no, please,” Jyn said. “Really. And this isn't his influence—we haven't even talked since Sunday evening. This is me coming to my senses and realizing that I treated him abominably. Last week our relationship was going wonderfully, and then Friday morning I had a run-in with a horrible ex who treated me very badly when we were together, and seeing him set off my anxiety with a vengeance. That was why I was such a mess, and why I overreacted to every little thing Cassian did or said. And I didn't even...fuck.” She winced as she realized her worst slight toward Cassian.

“What is it, Jyn? Better to get it out of your brain instead of stewing over it and letting it get worse,” Baze said.

It was good advice. Stewing over things instead of getting them out was exactly what caused all her problems over the weekend. She took a deep breath. “I never told Cassian about the ex turning up. Not until we about to go our separate ways Sunday evening. All weekend long I treated him like shit and acted insane, and he must have been thinking he did something wrong the whole time because I wouldn't tell him what really happened. I'm the worst.”

“No. You're not. I'm guessing this ex of yours must have done some pretty terrible things to you to leave these kinds of scars.”

“Yes. He did.” Jyn closed her eyes. She didn't want to think about what Bob did to her, but the worst of it flashed through her mind every time she talked about him. “I spent more than a year in therapy trying to put my life back together from the pieces Bob left behind, but after one conversation with him I felt like I was falling apart all over again. I should have told Cassian straight away. I have no idea what I was thinking.”

“It wasn't your rational mind at work. I've had a lot of friends who dealt with trauma and anxiety from their days in the army. You can't always trust your mind to think, or to manage your life properly. It's not a choice you made, Jyn. It's an illness. If that's what's holding you back from making amends with Cassian, just tell him the truth. Tell him about your illness and what it does to you. If he's the man I think he is, he'll understand and you can try to work things out, if that's what you want. If he's not—if he doesn't get it—then he's not worth your time anyway, and you can come spend some time visiting me. I'll make you a cake and let you cry on my shoulder. Okay?”

Jyn laughed, smiling with genuine happiness. “Okay. I did finally tell him a little, Sunday evening, and he was very sympathetic. I just wasn't ready to hear it, or believe it. I need to talk to him, again.”

“Do you still want to be with him?” Baze asked.

_Yes_ , everything inside of her shouted. How could her instinct be so certain, and her mind so unsure? Must be the anxiety at work. “I think so,” she admitted. “I'm...overly paranoid about ending up in another bad relationship. And I truly don't believe that Cassian will ever turn into the kind of man my ex was. But there's a little voice inside of me that keeps saying it's too good to be true, and that my judgment is no good, so anyone I pick is bound to turn out bad in the end. It's horrible, but I can't stop it, no matter how irrational it is.”

“You can't force your brain to be rational. All you can do is try to decide if being with him is worth the risk of being wrong. I know that's a hell of a decision to have to make, but it's all you have. This is one of those things where you have to take a leap of faith, because there's no other way. I wish I could make it easier for you, but life doesn't work that way.”

“I know.” She let out a slow breath. “You are making it easier, by talking to me. I was getting trapped in my head, before. I think I can see a little more clearly, now.”

“Glad to be of help,” Baze replied.

“Tell her she needs to take that leap,” called Chirrut's voice from the background. “Love is always worth the risk.”

“Stop eavesdropping!” Baze grumbled. “His hearing is too goddamn good. I can never have a private conversation in this house.”

“Tell Jyn hello, for me. And tell her not to listen to the anxiety! Take the leap!” Chirrut called.

Baze groaned. “I trust you heard that?”

“I did. Tell Chirrut hello and thank him for the advice.” Jyn grinned. If anyone knew about taking a risk for love, it was Chirrut and Baze. And it had all worked out for them, hadn't it? Maybe she would be another of the lucky ones. After all her bad luck the universe owed her something good, for a change.

They said a cordial good-bye, and Jyn went back to her practice bake.

She needed to talk to Cassian. Maybe seeing him, or at least talking to him, would bring the clarity that she needed. And hopefully it would stop this persistent ache in her heart.

~ ~ ~

For Cassian, Tuesday had been a very long day, with an almost sleepless night. He'd bought a self-help e-book written for people trying to move on after abusive relationships, and stayed up far too late reading it. Wednesday was proving to be equally difficult, slogging through an exhausting day at work. No fewer than three of his colleagues told Cassian that he looked like shit, and asked if he was coming down with something. On top of that, during his long lunch he practiced his signature bake, and while it tasted fine it looked as bad as he did.

In spite of his exhaustion, he stayed at work late in part to make up for his long lunch, but mostly because he'd gotten in the habit of seeing Jyn on Wednesday evenings, and he couldn't stand the thought of going home to mope by himself. He'd been resisting the urge to call or text her all week, and had very nearly reached his breaking point. If they could only just see each other and talk things out face to face, he felt certain they could get through these misunderstandings. But she'd asked for space. And so he continued to give her space.

Just after 6:30, he was interrupted by Kay striding into his room. “Save your work. I'm taking you to dinner, and then we are going climbing.”

Cassian's brows rose. “We are?”

“Yes. You're in sore need of a good meal, and the endorphins from the exercise will be of great benefit to your mental health. Plus, my climbing workouts have been less engaging since you started skipping them to practice your baking. It's high time we got back to it. Shall we?”

How could Cassian say no?

~ ~ ~

Jyn had been drifting to and from her phone for over an hour, coming close to dialing Cassian, and then losing her nerve. What was she supposed to say first? _Sorry I was a bitch, but you were kind of controlling and it freaked me out?_ No. That was too harsh. It would take the conversation in a very confrontational direction. Maybe, _I've really missed you, and I'm sorry for not telling you why I was such a mess?_ But that version sounded like she was grovelling for his forgiveness. Which, yes, she needed, but he'd messed up, too. Forgiveness shouldn't even be the focus, because it was _Bob_ who was really to blame for this fucked up situation. So maybe she should tell him more about Bob? But she really, really hated talking about Bob.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

She was so caught up in her thoughts that the sudden knock at her door nearly made her jump out of her skin. “Shit!”

Her heart started racing. The last unexpected knock at her door had caused all her current problems in the first place. She picked up her phone, her finger hovering over the speed-dial for Saw, as she inched toward the door. “Who is it?” she called.

“It's me! Sorry—should have texted first!” called Sorsha.

“Thank God,” Jyn murmured before opening the door.

Sorsha stared at her, shaking her head. “Oh. My. God. I was just at Chewie's with Marty grabbing a bite and he told us that Bob turned up at your house? What the hell?” She pushed past Jyn, her pregnant belly looking significantly larger than last time they saw each other.

Jyn closed the door behind her and smiled sheepishly. “Yes. So I guess Saw told Chewie about all that.”

Sorsha's jaw dropped. “You didn't even tell Chewie? Here I was thinking you must not trust me anymore, but no. You just decided to clam up and try to macho your way through this on your own, didn't you? Jyn, really, how are you doing? If you want me to shut up and leave, I will, but if you need a friend, I am here.”

Jyn strode forward and wrapped her arms around her friend. “Thank you. I should have told you all. I had a complete anxious meltdown when Bob turned up and I've been a total mess ever since. I needed someone to knock sense back into me. Instead I've had to stumble my way back to sensibility on my own, and it's taken me most of a week.”

“Fucking anxiety,” said Sorsha, shaking her head. “I'm going to sit. My feet are killing me from the walk.”

“You walked here?” Jyn followed Sorsha to the sofa and sat beside her.

“Wasn't thinking straight. Heard about arsehole Bob, and I jumped up and left Marty sitting by himself back at Chewie's to come see you straightaway.”

Jyn couldn't help but smile at Sorsha's gesture. “Do you need to call Marty and tell him all is well?”

“Naw,” Sorsha brushed aside the suggestion. “The football match is on at Chewie's. He'll be fine. Now, that fucker showed up on Friday? Is that why you had a rough time of it in the Bake Off?”

Jyn grimaced. “It is. I was all nerves and jitters. It was awful.”

“And what did Cassian think of all this?” Sorsha asked.

“That... is going to take a little explaining,” said Jyn, feeling a knot in the pit of her stomach. She took a deep breath, and launched into her story. At first she tried to gloss over the worst details, but eventually gave up and spoke the whole truth.

As Jyn went on, Sorsha injected with periodic repetitions of, “Oh, honey,” each version sounding more pitying than the next.

“And I was still trying to work out what to say to him when you knocked. So, here we are,” Jyn said, coming to the end of her story.

Sorsha held her gaze and shook her head very slowly. “Oh, honey.”

“Is that all you plan on saying?” Jyn said with exasperation.

Sorsha pursed her lips a moment. “I'm just trying to gather my thoughts. This is a lot to take in. I mean, firstly, thank God that friend of yours got you to schedule an appointment with Dr. Artie. Because you are in desperate need.”

Jyn huffed, but nodded.

“Beyond that, fuck Bob to hell, because you just had the best sex of your life and he completely ruined it. I hope his car gets stolen. I hope he never gets to have sex again in his life. I hope bloody lightening strikes his house and burns it to the ground.” Sorsha gesticulated dramatically.

Jyn's lips curved up. “I agree.”

“Now, the rest of this mess is a bit more complicated. Because it sounds as if Cassian did genuinely fuck up. But his fuck up was amplified by a magnitude of at least twenty due to the whole Bob thing. So let's think about this logically. If he'd said and done the things he said and did on a normal occasion when your brain wasn't completely melting down, how bad would it have been on a scale of 1-10?” Sorsha arched a brow and held Jyn's gaze.

“With ten being the worst?” Jyn asked, turning the thought over in her head.

“Obviously.”

Jyn scrunched her face a little and looked down at her hands. “Just a two or three. I'd probably have told him what I didn't like about his attitude and why, and he'd have apologized and we'd have made up and moved on.” She frowned.

“Uh huh,” said Sorsha. “And Marty and I fuck up on the order of a three, or even a four, at least once a month, and we also work through it because we love each other, and it's worth effort. So is Cassian worth the effort?”

“Yes.” Jyn had done enough thinking today to know the answer without hesitation. She'd been so happy, before the Bob incident. Happier than she'd been since before Father got sick. All of her avoidance and waffling had been nothing more than self-doubt and anxiety. She'd had this conversation with Baze, now with Sorsha, and it had been running in her head for days. She knew the truth—she knew what her heart wanted. “He is worth it,” she added softly. She didn't add her current worries that Cassian would no longer think that _she_ was worth the effort.

They spent another half hour chatting—catching up on everything they'd been missing. Then Jyn insisted on driving Sorsha back to the pub, and Sorsha insisted that Jyn stay to eat a proper meal. Before Jyn knew it, it was nearly nine. And she still hadn't called Cassian.

Before Sorsha left, Jyn hugged her friend. “I've been the worst to you, lately, always talking about myself and never finding time for you. As soon as I'm off the show I will devote all my energy to throwing you the best best baby shower ever, and finishing up that nursery for you, because I know you don't have it done, yet.”

Sorsha's lips curved in a wicked grin. “I will hold you to that, you know.”

“I know.” Jyn smiled, feeling like herself for the first time in a week.

After Sorsha and Marty left, Jyn stole her way to a quiet corner near the back of the pub, and dialed Cassian's number before she could talk herself out of it.

It went straight to voicemail.

That was disappointing. Jyn squeezed her lips together and tried to formulate a text. But nothing came to mind. After a few minutes of thought she dialed Cassian again. And again, the call went right to voicemail.

Maybe he'd forgot to charge his phone. Maybe he went to sleep early and turned the ringer off for the night. Maybe... maybe he didn't want to talk to her.

She shook her head and went to the bar. Chewie was there and talked her ear off for nearly an hour while she nursed a pint. Every few minutes she checked her phone for texts. As if she would miss hearing the alert. Fuck it—she was far too obsessed. She was going to drive herself mad. Impulsively she turned the phone off entirely. There. No more phone to check. So she could relax. Or at least try. After a few more rambling stories from Chewie she was tired enough to go to bed. She gave him a big bear hug and headed home.

She couldn't let herself think about what the missed calls meant. She refused to let herself think about it. Going down that tunnel would only lead her deeper into darkness. Instead, she took a sleeping pill followed by a quick shower, and went straight to bed.

~ ~ ~

Kay had been absolutely right—Cassian needed that workout at the climbing gym. They stayed almost until closing time, and he knew he'd be aching for a few days after working his out-of-condition muscles like that. But it had been a wonderful release of his built-up anxiety and tension, and he felt better than he had since Friday.

It wasn't until after getting home and taking a quick shower that he bothered to look at his phone. It must have died sometime while he was climbing. He plugged it in and turned it on. As soon as he saw the alerts pop up on the screen, his heart froze in his chest. “Fuck. _Fuck._ ”

He strode back to the bathroom where Kay was brushing his teeth.

“Jyn called while we were at the gym. _Twice._ ” He never should have gone. He should have been there to answer when she called. _Fuck._

Kay's brows rose, and he leaned over the sink to spit and rinse before answering. “What did she say?”

“She didn't leave a message.” Cassian shook his head and rocked on his feet. “What does that mean? Why wouldn't she leave a message?”

“Asking me why she didn't leave a message is only slightly more productive than asking a cat,” Kay intoned. “Perhaps you should call her back.”

“But what if—” Cassian cut himself off. There was no point in vocalizing his fear that she was calling to end things for good, and wanted to do it personally instead over a message. She was a good enough person not to do it over a message. _God, please don't let that be reason she didn't leave a message._

Kay glared, his lips a thin line. “I'm going to bed, and I'm going to put in ear plugs, so feel free to have whatever overwrought, emotion-filled conversations you need. I'll see you in the morning.” With that he sidled past Cassian out of the bathroom and into his own room.

Cassian leaned against the wall by the sink, frowning. After a moment of hesitation, he went back to his room, picked up the phone, and hit the command to call Jyn back. He closed his eyes, holding the phone to his ear and listening for the ring. Instead, it went straight to voicemail.

He hung up, cursing under his breath. She must have turned her phone off after calling him. He'd missed her for the night.

Now he would have to try to sleep with this on his mind. _Fuckity fuck._

With a growl of frustration he grabbed a sleeping pill and swallowed it down. It was his only hope of getting any rest at all so he could talk to Jyn with a clear head in the morning.

But the morning brought no relief. Jyn still hadn't called or texted. Cassian went through his normal morning routine with a knot in his chest, checking his phone every few minutes, as if looking at it would will it to ring.

She liked to sleep until almost nine. He had to be patient. But as the time to leave for work arrived, his patience gave out. He stepped back into his bedroom, closed the door, and dialed Jyn.

The call went straight to voicemail.

He hung up and cursed under his breath. It was only 8:10. She was probably still in bed. He needed to wait.

He and Kay drove to work, and he tried to go through his morning tasks, but one eye was always on the clock. Just after nine he managed to get all of his colleagues out of his office, and he dialed Jyn again.

Again, it went straight to voicemail. He hung up.

His heart pounded a little harder. Surely she was up by now. Had she changed her mind about wanting to talk to him? Or worse—had something happened? Was she hurt, or was one of her friends sick or hurt? God, he was a mess.

He took a few deep breaths to try to calm himself, and dialed one more time. This time, when the call went to voicemail, he left a message. “Hi, uh, it's me. I just... I noticed I missed your call last night. I'm sorry about that. I just want to check in and see if everything is okay... if you're okay. And if you want to talk, I'll have my phone on me all day. Okay? Okay.” He hung up.

He felt so stupid—how many times could he fit the word “okay” into a single message? Too many. Ugh.

He walked down the hall to Kay's office.

Kay looked very disgruntled at being interrupted, but still stepped out into the hall with Cassian, leaving his two office-mates behind.

Cassian stammered his way through an explanation of what had happened with the calls, so far. “So what do you think I should do? Should I go to Scarif and check on her? See if she's alright?”

“Absolutely not,” Kay replied. “The chances that she is in the midst of some medical crisis like you've imagined are extremely low. More likely she's as emotionally overwrought as you are, and slept late to try to win back some of her sanity. The best thing you can do right now is go back to work and try to put her out of your mind for the time being.”

“I don't think I can,” Cassian admitted.

Kay sighed, and Cassian could almost see how hard he must be fighting to stop himself from rolling his eyes. “If she hasn't contacted you by noon, I will drive you to Scarif myself. I promise. Is that sufficient to get you to go back to work now, so that I can do likewise?”

Cassian squeezed his lips together and nodded. He knew he was overreacting. Kay was right. He'd wait until noon.

~ ~ ~

At just past 11 am, Thursday, Jyn stalked toward the entrance of Chewie's pub. She'd realized after waking up that she'd left her phone on the bar. How could she be so careless? What must Cassian think of her? Calling without leaving messages, and then not answering her phone. This wouldn't make her baggage look any easier to deal with.

She had no land line, and she'd known it would be selfish to drag Chewie to work early just to get her phone, so she'd forced herself to stay home and do a practice bake, instead. But the pub opened at eleven. It was time to go see if Cassian had tried to call her back. _Fuck._

Why did everything about this week have to feel like such a bloody farce?

She pulled the door open and stormed inside, heading right for the bar. When she saw who was sitting there, she stopped short and her jaw dropped.

Chewie and Kay sat side by side, with her phone on the counter between them.

She stared at them, and they stared right back.

Chewie cleared his throat and stood. “I, uh, need to get back to the kitchen. Here's your phone Jyn. And, uh, Kay here would like a word, if you fancy.” He nodded his head and scuttled back to the kitchen.

Jyn closed her mouth and walked slowly toward Kay, her heart pounding. Had something happened to Cassian? What the hell was going on?

“Kay,” she said hesitantly in greeting.

Kay nodded. “Jyn.” He squeezed his lips into a tight line, and then spoke. “I was initially inclined to dislike you, after seeing how much you'd upset Cassian. But then, and I do hope you will forgive him for sharing such private information, he told me a little something about your ex.”

Jyn raised her brows.

Kay continued. “My father was a violent man, so I know first hand what that kind of relationship does to a person. It was a different age, and it was harder for a woman to get out of that sort of situation, especially with a child involved. She tolerated it for years longer than she should have. When I got old enough, she'd give me money for food and send me out to buy it on my own, so she didn't have to go in public with her split lip or black eye.”

Jyn was gobsmacked. She never in her life would have expected this type of response from Kay.

He went on. “I hated him. Wished him dead. And he could tell. It was when he started getting violent with me, as well, that Mother finally found the courage to leave.” He stopped and took a deep breath, before meeting her eyes. “You're very fortunate you had the support system to get out before things got even worse. And I don't blame you for how you acted, after he accosted you again, last week. I know the lasting effects that kind of personal trauma can leave. Mother still isn't completely over it, all these years later.” He looked away. “All of this is to say I understand. However, Cassian was growing rather frantic, since missing your calls last night, and I was afraid he would do something rash which would further push you away. So I came here, to ask Chewie how you were doing, only to find that you'd spent the evening here yesterday and left your phone behind. So that answers our questions, and I can give reassurance to Cassian that you are well, and not dying in hospital like he was imagining.”

Guilt twisted in her stomach. God, she was the worst.

Kay stood and held out her phone. “Here you are. And if you feel up to contacting him yourself, he would greatly appreciate it, as would I. He's been in a state since Sunday, and I would very much like him to get out of that state and get him behaving normally, again.”

Jyn took the phone with a lump in her throat. “Thank you. For checking on me, and for taking care of Cassian. And for understanding. Not many people do.”

“You're welcome.” He nodded. “And, if you need further reassurance, you have nothing to fear from Cassian. He's one of the good ones. He will never, ever lay a hand on you in violence, and he will never intentionally hurt you in any other way. Take it from someone who knows.”

Relief and guilt clashed in Jyn's mind. “Thank you. I think I already knew that, but it's still good to hear. I... I've actually been wanting to talk to him. Very much. But I was afraid he might have decided I wasn't worth the trouble after all I put him through.” She felt ashamed to admit it.

Kay held her gaze. “That is very far from the truth. Quite the opposite, in fact. Call him. Please.”

“I will,” she said.

With another nod, Kay walked past her and left the pub.

Jyn stood in silence for a minute, her heart pounding. Then she turned on her phone. Five missed calls from Cassian. _Fuck._ He left one message.

She closed her eyes, and listened. The nervousness in his voice was so far from the man she'd been seeing for a month and a half. The guilt and loneliness ached inside of her. She knew what she needed to do.

She walked home quickly, and settled into a comfortable chair, trying to compose herself. Then, she pressed call.

~ ~ ~

Cassian nearly jumped out of his chair when the phone rang, and his eyes widened when he saw the number flashing on the screen. He answered just after the first ring. “Jyn?”

“It's me. Hi.” She sounded tense. Tense, but well.

“Hi.” He managed to calm his voice. “I'm sorry I missed your call last night. Kay took me to the climbing gym, and my phone died while we were working out.”

“I'm glad you went climbing. I'm glad. I know you've been missing it. I'm sure it did you good.” Her statements sounded genuine.

But it wasn't worth missing her call. “It did. It did. I just... I should have—”

“Don't apologize for taking care of yourself. Never apologize for that.”

He closed his eyes and nodded. “Okay. I won't.” Her tone had left no room for argument.

Silence buzzed between them for a few endless moments. “I've missed you.” Her voice was filled with emotion. Was it the same longing and need that he felt for her? Or was that wishful thinking?

He hesitated. Letting the truth slip too freely had caused so many problems last weekend. But if he was always afraid to speak his truth with her, they would never work. He had to be honest. “I've missed you, too. A lot.”

Her voice shook, and his heart swelled in his chest. “I want to sort things out with you. Have a good long talk and see if we can figure things out. Can I come see you, tonight? I want to do this in person.”

“Yes. _Yes_.” What other answer could there be? Having this talk over the phone was wrong. He needed to see her. “Come. I-I want that, too. I want to figure things out. I want to make things right.”

“So do I. I never should have pushed you away. We need to fix things.” His heart soared at her words. She wasn't done with him. They still had a chance.

She continued. “But we have to really talk things out. Like I should have last weekend. I don't know why I didn't just talk to you. I'm so sorry.”

“Hey,” he said. “I don't want you to apologize, either. You were trying to take care of yourself, too.” He'd been doing enough reading to realize that her reactions to both Bob's reappearance and to their conflicts over the weekend were perfectly in line with the type of trauma she'd been through.

“I did it wrong,” she said.

“We both made mistakes,” he insisted.

“This is why we need to talk. I just want to talk.”

That was what they needed. More than anything. “So we'll talk. I'll be home by six. Will that work for you? Or, I could leave early?”

“Six is good. I'll get out of my evening classes, somehow. Missing the afternoon classes, too, would be a little much for my uncle. I'll be there.”

He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, finally feeling hopeful after long days of worry. God, it felt good to be talking to her again. He never wanted to go this many days not talking ever again. He had to hope that she wanted the same. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

“I'll see you then.” He wished it could be sooner.

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

He ended the call and sighed. Before the call he wasn't even sure they had a chance. Now...

She wanted to fix things. He wasn't alone in his feelings—even after all he'd said and done, she still wanted to work things out. That meant something. Something he could hold onto until he saw her tonight.

TBC

**Author's Note:**

> I'm using various bakes from the seven series of the show as inspiration for the bakes in each chapter. The signature for week 1 is based on the signature from series 3 ep 4. The technical is based on series 5 ep 1. The showstopper is based on series 5 ep 1 . 
> 
> I had to dig deep on Wookiepedia to find the names for some of the blink-and-you'll-miss-them female characters from Rogue One. Huika Siliu is the mother of the child Jyn saves on Jedha. Jaldine Gerams and Wona Goban are rebel fighter pilots. And Tynnra Pamlo is the female senator who argues for surrendering while Jyn is speaking to the council. I wanted a gender-balanced group of contestants, which is why I dredged up those minor characters. Several original trilogy characters are popping up in cameos, most notably Chewie. And forgive me for not including Chirrut as a contestant, but I don't believe in erasing canon disabilities for fic, and I don't think it's realistic for a blind baker to compete on a show that often comes down to decoration. But he will have a cameo as Baze's husband.


End file.
